Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

Not unreasonable at all. He's your lodger and should respect your rules. Most of it is common courtesy, and I don't see how not being able to use the bathroom for 15 mins a day is bad at all.

They don't sound harsh exactly, but they very much show your lodger who is in charge. I doubt they will feel like they are in their own home. It's not "their own home", they are agreeing to move-in to OP's home, and OP is in charge.

He's your lodger, it's not a house-share where you are all tenants of equal standing.

Food shouldn't be in bedrooms. Super unhygienic.

It's normal to need to specify bathroom times - I have to do this when we have a full house, or else it's a free for all for the shower with everyone converging.

I think all those rules are common sense and normal, and I'm a lax person! Rules just look a bit strict written out like that but most people would do these things naturally. Maybe the asking permission for friends to stay is a bit much, I would have that one as 'let me know when you have someone coming to stay"

Food shouldn't be in bedrooms. Super unhygienic.

Why is it more unhygienic to eat food I'm your bedroom as opposed to in the kitchen/dining room? As long as the cutlery/plates/surface you are eating with/on are clean, why would it be unhygienic?

I don't get why some people think the bathroom thing is odd, I'm sure if there was some pressing reason why he needed to be in the bathroom at, say, 6.55 am in order to be out the door on time, then the OP would be amenable to moving her schedule forward by 5 mins. DH and I have a bathroom schedule during term time, he goes first because he's quick and I start getting the DC up, then I go and he takes over the DC. A routine helps things to run smoothly, especially in the mornings when there is a time crunch.

Nobody can complain about rules which were spelled out before moving in, especially if the lodger is paying below market rate. So YADNBU, OP.

I love it when a long thread develops a sub-thread. There's a vigorous discussion about chopping boards going on here, one of the very, very many subjects that pushes my buttons, so here's my twopennyworth.

I have one big chopping board and a few extra ones I use when I'm doing a lot of chopping. The big one is currently bamboo as my lovely old wooden one split in two - a sad day! I'd had it for at least 20 years. My small extra wooden chopping boards are far older than that. Some of them belonged to my MIL or grandmother, so probably go back to the mid 20th century. All washed very thoroughly in hot soapy water after chopping/slicing anything except bread, with particular care when I've been preparing raw meat or fish, especially chicken.

I'm tempting fate by saying it out loud, but we haven't had an outbreak of D&V in our house since my children were tiny and still at the stage of (a) picking up every bug they encountered and (b) touching anything and everything and not washing their hands afterwards. Even then, I can only remember one.

I don't like plastic chopping boards. Much prefer wood.

Sounds reasonable to me - a mix of standard stuff which I presume was discussed up front and then obviously specific things have been added to deal with his behaviour e.g. the plates thing.

SilverHaired I do actually have OCD, so I get that I'm probably over the top about it. But I did read the recommendations about cutting chicken up with scissors in an article about raw chicken, so I didn't make it up!

My Dad used to cut raw chicken on the same chopping board that he'd later use for bread, and he ended up in hospital for 2 weeks with a bad case of campylobacter, which has made me very cautious indeed.

What’s he supposed to do if he wants to bring someone back for sex and isn’t able to tell you in advance?

I wouldn't be your lodger. I don't know if your rules are unreasonable per se, but they would suggest to me that we would not get on well living together and that I would never feel at home in the place I was paying to live in.

glintandglide - go back to hers? Go to a Travelodge? Desist until the resident landlord/homeowner can be contacted?

What’s he supposed to do if he wants to bring someone back for sex and isn’t able to tell you in advance?

Would you bring a ONS back if you were a lodger? I certainly wouldn’t. Nor would I expect a LL to be happy if I did it.

In fact, I’d imagine that’s exactly the kind of scenario the rule exists to avoid.

Yes of course. I’m an adult, i can have sect kf I want. I can’t always rely on my partner being able to accomodate sex at theirs

That’s supposed to be “I can have sex if I want”

glintandglide - in what scenario? A ONS? No way. He asks in advance, or it doesn't happen. Tough.

The bathroom rule sounds uncompromising and that you are deliberately trying to show that you are the one in charge. - for 15 minutes? Don't be ridiculous. There are 4 of us in my house, all need to be showered and out of the house most days. We have an idea of when someone needs the bathroom - ds2 first, the ds3, then lodger. I am either last (not working that day) or shower the night before.
I haven't felt the need to write the 'Rules' down, but that is because wee are all normal, considerate people who talk. And who recognise that other people exist in this house.

What’s he supposed to do if he wants to bring someone back for sex and isn’t able to tell you in advance?
Jesus wept. No wonder people need to be given specific 'rules'.

I can’t always rely on my partner being able to accomodate sex at theirs - why can't you go to his? Is there like, some Rule, that he can't always bring you back to his???

Yes of course. I’m an adult, i can have sect kf I want. I can’t always rely on my partner being able to accomodate sex at theirs
Get your own flat then. Don't bring your casual sexual encounters into someone else's home.

I can't imagine he'll stay very long seeing as he is clearly lodging with Hyacinth Bucket.

Lol at the people thinking the bathroom rule is strict!

OP has to shower at some time. During those 15m (very accommodating btw - my showers take 10m, but all the arsing around being naked before and after takes another 15m), he CAN'T USE THE BATHROOM EVEN IF HE'S SHITTING DONKEYS.

Though I'm pretty sure if he were sick and wanted to rush in, she wouldn't stand over him wagging her finger and pointing to the schedule. He just has to get up SLIGHTLY earlier or plan his day SLIGHTLY differently.

She offers the room at below market rent, and making this teeny tiny demand upon the schedule is a country mile within her rights.

I would actually amend the guests rule if it were for me - no overnight guests, but no permission needed for evening guests, but they have to stay in his room, not the lounge (since he has a sofa and tv in there).

In what way, Sandy?

Wouldn't you have the same rules if you took in a lodger?

Totally reasonable. I would just get rid.

How bizarre. I’m not a lodger (both having and being a lodger seems like the kind of thing most people stop doing after 30) so not relevant but of course you should be able to bring partners back that’s a normal part of life.

A lodger isn’t a guest. They are paying you to live there. They shouldn’t have to live amongst restrictive rules. If you choose to implement them than sadly you’ll
Find yourself looking for new lodgers frequently