Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

Notthatwoman, frankly anyone who chops raw meat, especially raw chicken, on a wooden chopping board that they also use for cutting bread, veg and fruit deserves all they get. Wooden chopping boards for bread, and wash regularly. Designated separate plastic boards for the other things, washed hot after each use, preferably in a dishwasher. Chicken should really be cut up with scissors straight into the cooking pan, if at all possible. I've been doing it that way since I was a teen and have never had food poisoning.

telling him he can't go for a wee at 6.45 if he needs it

I took this to mean that OP would be in the bathroom at that time - he could hardly go for a wee if she's getting a wash then.

I don't think your rules are too harsh. If she wants to continue to watch TV after 10.00pm, he can do it with the sound less loud, or he can get himself some headphones.

The plate thing is common hygiene.

No smoking is fine - why should you have a stinky fire hazard in your home if you don't smoke yourself?

Same with overnight guests - you have a right to know who is in your home.

Your rules are fine.

The friends rule is fine if you allow him the same courtesy when your friends come to stay.

But that's the difference between sharing (equal) & lodging (not equal) and why lodging is so much cheaper.

If you're paying to use communal spaces you have right to know if others are going to be using the spaces too (other than those you already know about). For example you might go into the kitchen in your dressing gown during the 6.46- 7am bathroom blockout and come across a stranger using the toaster when you wanted to use it.

Gosh, anyone would think it was the OP's house ... oh hang on !!

I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone thinks those rules are wrong and as for the friends staying - FFS he can always get his own flat etc and then do what the fuck he likes but no way would I agree to him having his mates round. This is a LODGER!!

Off to buy a new chopping board!

For example you might go into the kitchen in your dressing gown during the 6.46- 7am bathroom blockout and come across a stranger using the toaster when you wanted to use it

Or as I said earlier stroll into the bathroom to find a naked male there.

It seems like you've lost sight of the fact that it is this mans home too. He is paying to live there. If I got this list of orders and then was additionally told I couldn't use the bathroom at a certain time, I would move out.

Cambridge - it isn't his home. He is a lodger in someone else's home, he doesn't get equal say.

@GeekyBlinders what on earth do you think happens to chicken in restaurants? It sure as heck doesn't get cut up with scissors over a pan! I think you are a bit too paranoid there.

Of course, you'll probably come back and tell me you have health anxiety or issue over the transmission of viruses, but still....

if you have to make rules like that you are sharing with a skank. All that is common courtesy.

kick out and find a human.

The time in the bathroom, light out at 10am and no friends are very controlling. However ive never been a lodger only rented.

Presumably he knew all of this (except for the plates thing, yuck) before he moved in. So if it was acceptable to him before he decided to move in, then why is it unacceptable now? Tell him that he doesn't seem happy where he is, and he should start looking for another place to lodge.

I think it's only sensible to establish whether your daily routine will fit with theirs when looking for a lodger. For instance if you both need to leave the house at the same time to get to work then there is an inherent clash there, as you will probably both need to use the bathroom at around the same time. If there is at least half an hour between you both needing to leave the house then it's much more flexible. Similarly if their routine is so different that you are both likely to be awake when the other is asleep, that's also going to cause problems.

The time in the bathroom, light out at 10am and no friends are very controlling. However ive never been a lodger only rented.

But the OP's not saying lights out at 10, just to turn TV / music down then. And she's not saying no friends, she's saying ask before someone stays over. How is that unreasonable?

Which bits exactly is he saying are too strict?

YANBU sounds like the rules when I was in a house share. We were allowed to have people stay a night but no longer, and if anyone wanted to use the bathroom for a set 15 minutes in the morning no one would ha e minded. Just wish there was a rule for loud music for the cunt upstairs.

What do classify as ‘loud’?

I rarely go to bed before midnight so would be pretty pissed off and being specificattold no loud music or tv after 10pm - though I like to tho I’m sensitive enough not to post people off

I don't think there's anything bad really, the cutlery thing seems a bit much if he wants his room to stink let it. Maybe change to "must wash own dishes". Visitors may be change to "no visitors in shared areas" then your not inconvienced but the lodger still feels like it's their home too.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me - my lodger rules are very similar but I say no loud music after 11pm. A lodger has to fit into the household and as long as they know all this before they move in then it shouldn't be a problem. It isn't patronising or rigid to set rules at the outset which will lead to harmonious living and if you don't understand that you shouldn't be a lodger.

Well this is AIBU! So many just come on to pile in, not even bothering to understand the OP, let alone any further posts the OP makes. There are always some who come on to say 'you sound awful, OP and he/she sounds lovely'

All those saying 'oh such a loooong list of Rules' (please say that in a whiny teenager's voice ) - these are not 'Rules' as such, but common sense, and common courtesy, in someone else's home.

NO-ONE is saying lights out at 10pm. NO-ONE is saying he has a 'curfew'
Would you go berserk if he got home at midnight and the front door opening/him coming up the stairs woke you up? I couldn’t live like this as an adult at all Seriously, mousefunky - you can't live with someone asking you, as an adult, to be quiet at midnight? And quite honestly, where does it say that the OP has requested he be silent coming home? ?? All she has asked for is that he acts as a considerate Human Being. Do you think you are entitled to crash about at midnight? To leave plates and cups to fester in your room? To demand access to the shower for the fifteen minutes a day that the OP has requested is set aside for her?

I think they sound fine personally.

Even the bathroom one - hell, DP and I have that rule, he has to be out of the door with the kids at a certain time every day, so if I decided to swan into the bathroom just when he needed to that would be unreasonable and ridiculous - so we have a blackout time. I think it's called communication.

But none of this matters, because it's your house, and those are your rules. I once had an absolutely controlling landlady, who had designated which times I was allowed in every room, which pans I could use (and they were to be washed immediately), which programs I could use on the washing machine etc.

Those were the rules to rent a room in her house, and since I couldn't live with them, I moved out quickly. She soon found someone who would obey them.

The bathroom rule sounds uncompromising and that you are deliberately trying to show that you are the one in charge. If he needs to get ready at the same time as you, you should compromise about who gets that particular bathroom time slot. If you choose to take on a lodger while only having one bathroom, you should compromise as well and that might mean you going earlier or later some mornings. Your "me me me" attitude would annoy me. Sounds like you want the money but don't want to make any compromises.