Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

[CoralFish]

I don't think the rules are harsh but those are all common sense to me (apart from the specific bathroom time, which could be easily mentioned in passing). How are they presented? Maybe he is objecting to them being presented as rules when they are just common courtesy that he would have adhered to anyway?

[noenergy]

YANBU and especially the one with having friends to stay, I would want to know if strange random people are in my house, it's a trust and safety issue/

[IAmMumWho]

I was a lodger many years ago also and the rules for me were

1- buy my own food
2- do my own cleaning
3- no pets allowed

I had use of the lounge kitchen and garden with the person I stayed with. I was made part of the family. Although I bought my own food I was set a place at the table every meal I was home for.

I paid half of the bills minus shopping as I did my own.

I worked part time and also went to college.

[AuntMsVanillaRose]

Does not sound unreasonable. Being, or having, a lodger, is not right for everyone.

[GenericHamster]

The rules seem fine to me. If he doesn't like them, it sounds as if he wants to 'break' one - so which one is important to him?

[KokoandAllBall]

Why are you charging below market rent? You will get time wasters and cf that way.

This. Best way to get people who will push their luck as far as they can, perversely. My DA rents a property out. Charging below market rent seemed to get her tenants who would argue till they were blue in the face over everything and anything.

[ciderhouserules]

All the extremists ('what if he had diarrhoea at 658am?', 'if he has a cup of tea at midnight does he need to come down right away and wash it/') - get a grip. Diarrhoea once in a while/years at 658am - I'm sure the OP could see a way round that. A cup left overnight is not going to fester and smell in the morning - when it should be brought down and washed up.

FFS. The 'rules' are perfectly normal, and anyone who wants to play loud TV after 10pm (noisy fucking alcoholic neighbour, I mean you) is a fucking pain to everyone. Smokers - ditto. Festering crockery - again, inconsiderate to others living in the same house. Strangers in your house/around your family - OK if notified and OP approves.

[verystressedmum]

Very reasonable rules not sure why he thinks they're too harsh what does he want to do in your house?
The bathroom one isn't a rule as such but an agreement between the two of you

[ginghamstarfish]

Nothing wrong with your rules, OP, but a bit sad that you have to state things like the plates etc to a grown man .... but yes, a lodger is not the same as a flatmate, and pays a lot less too.

[CrabbityRabbit]

Those rules are fine. I get up earlier than my lodger so don't need bathroom rotas. She is clean, smokes outside and asks if she is having anyone to stay because she is a reasonable human.

My last lodgers were a couple and took the absolute piss. I had to ask the bloke to close the bathroom door when he used the loo on several occasions. I asked them to leave after three weeks. The final straw among unreasonable behaviour was asking random blokes back from the pub at 1am on the night I came out of hospital. We woke to one shining a phone light through our bedroom door which we leave ajar for the cat. They were loud and kept us up until 4am. We were too scared to ask them to go as we had no idea who they were, they seemed rough and I was very vulnerable.

[SunShades]

You sound like a right nasty piece of work if I'm honest OP. Restricting bathroom access? Banning TV?

Sounds more like a prison than a home.

[Lweji]

@SunShades

Did you read the OP?

[Lweji]

BTW, OP, I'm in awe that you only need the bathroom for 15min (!) in the morning. I'd ensure at least 45 for myself.

[Naveloranges]

Do you have to ask your lodger if you want friends to stay?
I think the no smoking is reasonable. Did you just present the rules or discuss them first?

[Racecardriver]

I would be 100% happy with those rules. I don't see the issue unless you are being unreasonable about giving permission to have people over.

[peachescariad]

Your rules seem totally reasonable and fair to me. He knew them before he moved in. If he now doesn't like them he can move out. Simples.
Of course he can hold on for 15 mins....probably having his morning w**k anyway.

[SandAndSea]

I think your rules are reasonable with the possible exception of asking re friends staying, though I can understand why you've stated this. I think it might be friendlier to state upfront that, tbh, you don't want friends staying but that you could be persuaded to make an occasional exception. (This way, you're being authentic and upfront about what you're offering and it doesn't come across as you not liking certain people and screening them out.)

The fact that you've felt the need to state these rules, which are pretty basic, suggests to me that maybe he isn't a match for you??

[ACatsNoHelpWithThat]

When I was a lodger the only rule I had was asking permission before having friends to stay. I did everything else on your list anyway, that's just common cleanliness/manners surely? Sounds like your lodger isn't a good fit for you.

Does he have use of a toilet though whilst you're in the bathroom? I'd find that a dealbreaker.

[Mousefunky]

Is he under a curfew too? Would you go berserk if he got home at midnight and the front door opening/him coming up the stairs woke you up? I couldn’t live like this as an adult at all, struggled enough with it as a teenager . They sound like reasonable rules but for your teenage child, not an adult renting a room off you.

[Hawkie]

I think the bathroom one is unreasonable, it should be first come, first use as it is in most households. I actually find that a very controlling rule.

Likewise with the friends over, are you ever going to say No to him having his friends over?

[Jaxhog]

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

The plates etc. rule isn't patronising. It's common sense. Which some people don't have.

It seems fine to pre-book 1/4 hour to get ready for work. Otherwise, what if he decided to have a bath then?

Regarding having friends to stay - unless you require them to seek written permission after a full bio - then I don't see the problem. You do need to know who's in the house at night.

Adults do need rules. Otherwise we wouldn't have laws, policemen and prisons!

[schoty77]

For those saying the rules are U because they are common sense.. you'd be surprised. Once lived with a person who watched movies on her computer on full volume at 3am.. used kitchen roll for toilet paper.. threw rubbish into the kitchen bin without a bin bag.. brought drunken friends home in the middle of the night and left chips in the oven to burn (I heard the smoke alarm, they were alseep)... some people are just thick.

These rules are completely reasonable. It's a landlord/home owners job to protect their investment (and sanity).

[DramaAlpaca]

Those are the sort of rules I'd have if I had a lodger, so they sound perfectly reasonable to me.

[OurMiracle1106]

I flat share and we have no “rules” as such. Just common courtesy. You wash up within a reasonable time behind yourself. Clean bath/sink out after you. Turn off tv etc when not in use. Don’t make loads of noise late at night/early mornings. Flatmate gets up for work as I’m Leaving and bath and toilet are seperate so it’s ok there.

When I have my boyfriend over I tend to mention it in passing as x is coming over tonight (and if he’s likely to stay I say and may well stay) as a courtesy thing. We both pay half rent and bills so I have as much right to my partner there as they do.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Flat sharing is different, though.