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Original poster

Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

512 replies

southatsea · 12/07/2018 07:34

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 12:24

Lweji

Like I say, we are not going to agree. It isn't equitable unless the lodger can also ringfence time in the bathroom, according to when he needs to leave for work. The OP would be looking elsewhere for a lodger, if this were me.

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 12:32

It isn't equitable unless the lodger can also ringfence time in the bathroom, according to when he needs to leave for work

Has OP said he can't demand his own 15 mins in the morning? If OPs times are 6.45-7.00, he can have any other time in the morning to ringfence.

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 12:33

OP just fine another lodger, as you can see there are plenty of people who don't think this is unreasonable.

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 12:33

Amethystical

If she has offered this, her OP is somewhat misleading.

Lweji · 14/07/2018 12:35

The OP would be looking elsewhere for a lodger, if this were me.

The OP has already been told to tell him he can take it or leave it.
I'd rather he left than having to negotiate bathroom times every morning.

I do wonder what you'd do in the OP's situation, particularly when he started forgetting about that chat and you were forced to leave late for work every morning. Grin

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 12:36

She said he can use the bathroom any time, but she needs to get ready for work in there 6.45-7.00. So he can use it before 6.45 and after 7.00, when OP won't need to be in there. So he can, theoretically, ringfence the time he is in there. Most people would naturally fall into a routine that way.

If someone said they wanted the bathroom for those 15 mins every morning, I'd just ask if I can have the 15 mind after or preceding them.

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 12:37

Mins.. not minds :)

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 12:39

If he uses it 7.00-7.15 then it's naturally ringfence, because OP doesn't use it to get ready at that time, so it's his

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 12:46

She said he can use the bathroom any time, but she needs to get ready for work in there 6.45-7.00. So he can use it before 6.45 and after 7.00, when OP won't need to be in there. So he can, theoretically, ringfence the time he is in there. Most people would naturally fall into a routine that way.

That doesn't mean he can ringfence anything. Let the OP clarify that, if she wants to.

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 12:47

If he uses it 7.00-7.15 then it's naturally ringfence, because OP doesn't use it to get ready at that time, so it's his

That's not ringfenced, unless the OP would be willing to stick to it if she was late, or unwell, or had the day off. Ringfenced means a time when she can't use it, not just a time when she doesn't use it by default.

Amethystical · 14/07/2018 13:29

I think your way of looking at it is a bit bizarre but ok

ChelleDawg2020 · 14/07/2018 13:42

I think the OP has exclusive rights over the bathroom from 0645 to 0700, and it is shared after that. So the OP could use it from 0600 to 0800 every day if she liked.

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 13:57

Amethystical

It is only "bizarre" if you use some esoteric definition of the word "ringfence" that nobody else knows about.

NobodyToVoteForNow · 14/07/2018 14:06

If he doesn't like it surely he can move out? Have the rules changed since he moved in?

QueenArseClangers · 14/07/2018 14:35

Absolutely pissing myself at the irony of two teacher posters on here arguing that people can’t hold their wee in and can’t be expected to use the toilet on demand.

The same two teacher posters who on EVERY thread about letting children go to the loo at school argue that children must wait and control their bladders/periods/poo until a prescribed time! Grin

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 15:02

QueenArseClangers

And every single time I make that argument, I point out:

  1. That it isn't my decision whether I am allowed to let them go to the toilet: it is school policy
  2. It is a safeguarding risk to have unsupervised children wandering around between lessons.

This isn't a situation like that. There is no reason the lodger should have to wait for the toilet, and I, as an adult who gets to choose where I live and to whom I pay rent, will go to the toilet any time I damn well please.

Lovingtheisland · 14/07/2018 15:08

Haven’t RTFT but I think these rules are perfectly reasonable, not sure why people think they’re not? I wouldn’t want anyone playing loud music or TV after 10pm when I’m trying to sleep. I also wouldn’t want randoms coming and going in my house all the time. The cups thing etc is completely fair and the bathroom thing- meh, it’s 15 mins out of the whole day so I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

MaisyPops · 14/07/2018 15:28

The same two teacher posters who on EVERY thread about letting children go to the loo at school argue that children must wait and control their bladders/periods/poo until a prescribed time!
And this teacher gave an example of pain with cystitis as a reason for not waiting because it's painful and also has said on multiple threads that medical/toilet passes should be available for pupils who need it.

I don't see the issue or the irony here.

slithytove · 14/07/2018 16:34

Why are some saying that the lodger can use the bathroom for 15 mins but that op can’t? I think she has been very consider stating the time that it will be unavailable.

All of these stupid what ifs - well what if the cystitis ridden vaginally torn lodger needs the loo 30 seconds after op had jumped in the shower at a non specific time? Same situation. At least op specifiyiner her time frame allows the lodger to plan to use the loo beforehand thereby hopefully preventing any incontinence accidents in the following fifteen minutes.

Fuck knows how this poor lodger drives anywhere or sits in a meeting or takes a flight if he can’t wait 15 minutes for the bog.

slithytove · 14/07/2018 16:36

Bloody hell shocking typos sorry

Lweji · 14/07/2018 16:39

There is no reason the lodger should have to wait for the toilet, and I, as an adult who gets to choose where I live and to whom I pay rent, will go to the toilet any time I damn well please.

There is a good reason. He has all the time in the world to go before and after that time. The reason is that the OP needs a slot to make sure she gets to work on time. That's the most convenient slot. Perhaps the lodger could agree on a different slot, but I'd expect the house owner to take first choice, unless the lodger had very specific needs.

And you can't go any time. Surely you wait until people are out of the toilet, surely.

And surely the OP can choose who stays at her house. Paying rent as a lodger doesn't give you the right to treat it like your house. For that you pay full rent for a whole house, or, even better, buy it.

Sometimes I wonder how some brains work...

Karigan198 · 14/07/2018 16:45

Reality is that it is your home. If he doesn’t like the terms and conditions he can always go and live elsewhere.

Your terms are reasonable. Done places don’t allow any overnight guests let alone please just ask. If he was a tenant in a sole occupancy situation it would be different. But he isn’t he’s a lodger.

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 16:58

This debate is ridiculous, in any case. All matters of opinion about what is reasonable. For myself, this isn't. I'm not that bothered about whether others agree with me.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/07/2018 17:31

"Paying rent as a lodger doesn't give you the right to treat it like your house. "

I completely disagree. You have as much right as anyone else to feel at home. So many people on this thread seem to think lodgers are some kind of inferior beings.
Obviously, you can't choose when to use a toilet in any shared house and it can be useful to have a timetable in the morning. This should be agreed between the people who live in the house. I see no reason why the landlady would have priority.
People need to realise that lodgers PAY RENT and as such it's normal that there will be some inconveniences for landlords. There has to be give and take on BOTH sides, not just the landlord having everything their own way.

Lweji · 14/07/2018 17:36

not just the landlord having everything their own way.

She doesn't. Read the OP.

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