Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

My last lodger needed a room quickly and also needed to be able to give short notice as he was a contract worker. He wanted a quiet house not a possibly riotous flat or house share. For ninety quid a week he got access to most of a large house with garden and no other bills at all. Pretty good deal I think.

I grew up with 3 long term lodgers - one for almost 18 years. I think they enjoyed the security, noise and the hustle and bustle of living with a family of 4 kids. For us being poor, it was the only way to have our own home. The rent was minimal as well. But they only had use of their rooms (it was an old Victorian house in an inner city area) and the one bathroom which we all had to use - 9 people. No guests hardly ever during the day let alone night. I think you need clear boundaries. They were generally good lodgers but there were times when things were strained and some lodgers we had were total p* takers.

Suggest you get a new, mature lodger and charge the going rate.
Why give the lodger the financial advantage?

Maisypops are you saying that if you needed a quick wee you couldn't hold it for 15 minutes? Good grief, what went wrong with toilet training?

Nothing went wrong with my toilet training either. In my case it was a second degree vaginal tear that has (seemingly permanently) weakened my bladder control. TMI?

The lodger is hardly likely to suffer from vaginal tears.

I'm sure that under such extraordinary circumstances the OP would find a solution to suit both.
As it stands, I'm sure he can go before or after the 15 min slot.

The lodger spends an hour in the bathroom pooing and showering which means she's late for work. It's completely reasonable to ask for 15 mins before he gets in there stinking it out.

There's a difference between asking someone to generally keep the bathroom free around those times and dictating that it is out of bounds.

If someone asked me to keep something free, I would because that's courteous. I'd like to think if i nipped for a wee because of cystitis pain then a fellow adult wouldn't be a royal PITA about it because they have a bathroom schedule and can't possible manage 30 seconds wait in their rulebook.

Under the OP's bathroom schedule, they'd rather I was in pain for 15 minutes than have a 30 second wee because I'd be banned from the bathroom.

Asking, discussing and behaving like adults is much better than creating a fixed rulebook appropriate for a teenager.

I think it’s easy to say the rules a strict if you’ve not had lodgers. I had lodgers for many many years. Some have been lovely and like family members and others a complete nightmare. I never used to have rules but over the years, I’ve had to introduce them. Not sure if people are changing but the last few years I’ve witnessed a complete last of trust, politeness and respect. My only rule is no shoes in the house and to clean up after using the kitchen, even those appear to difficult for some lodgers. Plate cut light stored and left in the W suite, until I ask for it to be returned. Music and TV played loudly even after midnight. Door left unlocked, alarm not put on......many things. Hate to have rules but respect people that do. Think some people miss the obvious unfortunately.

Pure basic commonsense, IMHO. He surely hasn't thrown a tantrum about some necessary ground rules?

Well, if he doesn't like than he knows where the front door is......

And yes, guys DO hoard plates, mugs, cutlery in the vicinity of the bedroom (usually under the bed and on top of the wardrobe. Out of sight out of mind, etc!). And seem oblivious to the pong of semi-rotting scraps or the health hazard.

Under the OP's bathroom schedule, they'd rather I was in pain for 15 minutes than have a 30 second wee because I'd be banned from the bathroom.

What if the OP needs to pee during the hour her lodger spends in the bathroom? She's more likely to suffer from cystitis than he is. He doesn't seem that concerned to keep the bathroom free for her to allow her to go to work or any urgent needs.
But it's the OP who must be accommodating.
Funny that.

There should be a spot of common sense all round.
Lodger shouldn't spend an hour having a shit.
OP shouldn't be banning people from the bathroom.

I'll be honest this is why i find it odd that anyone would have lodgers without an en suite.

I think the rules are fine. The lodger either accepts them or leaves. My dm had a couple of lodgers. They had to ask permission to have friends round because my dm is 70 and didn’t want loads people in her house. She supplied breakfast things (ie milk, cereal, eggs, bread, drinks) as part of the rent. The first lodger kept on changing the heating settings all the time so dm was either freezing or boiling hot. Dm did ask lodger to discuss but lodger left in a huff. The 2nd lodger had a boyfriend round all hours and staying over which wasn’t in the rules, shared all dms food with her boyfriend, was violently sick in her bed after too much drink (dm had to buy a new mattress after lodger left) and lodger thought dm should wash her sheets! Lodger 2 did exercises in the bedroom after 11pm at night and showered at this time aswell.

Lweji

I am well aware he is unlikely to suffer from vagina like tears. Are you being deliberately obtuse? My point is that it is very common for people - male and female - to be unable to wait 15 minutes for the toilet. Nobody should have to disclose their intimate medical information to their landlady either. FFS.

*vaginal

My point is that it is very common for people - male and female - to be unable to wait 15 minutes for the toilet.

My point is that it isn't very common at all. Even common.
You've picked an extreme situation that is rare to justify an untenable position.

And, as I've pointed out, the lodger is hardly concerned that the OP herself may need to use the bathroom in a hurry.
Can you tell me why she's not allowed 15 min in the bathroom, but he's ok to use it for one hour?

Lweji

I didn't say he should be using it for an hour. You are putting words in my mouth. Both adults should be considerate. There is no need for one of them to be treated as subordinate to the other.

You sound like a nightmare, OP.

There is no need for one of them to be treated as subordinate to the other.

Exactly. The OP shouldn't have to work around her lodger's long time in the bathroom for the sake of 15 min in it.
She has reserved 15 min so that she can get to work on time, FFS.

Any talk of imaginary urgent needs by the lodger is being obtuse.

Lweji

We aren't going to agree on that.

I’ve lived in a few houses as a lodger, and have had an understanding of the rules stated above, rather than them being written down. Conversely, I would also expect a live-in landlord to, for instance, observe a ‘no loud telly or music after 10pm’ rule as well. If I was a non-smoker as a tenant or licensee, I wouldn’t want to live in a house where the landlord was a smoker, and vv. And would expect guests on either side from either party to respect this.

Too often I have seen people letting rooms out whingeing about their awful tenants, who want to do things like have a poo after midnight, or sit in the garden - MY garden - in a sunny day. It’s almost as if they want the money for the room but none of the inconveniences of actually living with someone.

I'm curious as to the proposed alternatives.
Race the lodger to the bathroom?
Having the talk every morning?
Getting late to work?

Because it doesn't seem like the lodger is considerate enough to ask when the OP needs to use the bathroom.

Lweji

You are being ludicrous. The OP just needs to have a conversation saying that both adults need to use the bathroom in the morning and could the lodger be mindful of keeping a shower to 15 minutes, as will she. Then, if both leave enough time to get ready (rather than her expecting to be able to get up at 6.45 and leave at 7, as if she were the only person in the house, there won't be a problem.

As I say, it is her house and the lodger has no rights so she can do what she wants, but that doesn't make it reasonable and I, for one, would look for somewhere else to live.

All looks fine. Who wants someone hoarding cups in their room?

It looks to me as perfectly reasonable to say to the lodger that he has the bathroom for as long as he wants, just as long as he leaves it for at least 15 min by a given time so that OP can get to work.
I'm sure if he needs it later, he could ask her to go a bit earlier.
The problem with the OP is that she can't go later than that time. Those are her boundaries, and she's right to enforce them.

The onus is on the lodger to negotiate or leave if he's not happy. Just as long as he can show consideration for the OP.

The OP is perfectly reasonable. I'd be quite happy to live there, especially as the rent is below the going rate.