Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

512 replies

southatsea · 12/07/2018 07:34

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

OP posts:
tryinghardnottocry · 13/07/2018 17:36

The rules are fine, presenting them could be better delivered

Original poster
southatsea · 13/07/2018 17:39

Also everyone has made a lot of assumptions on how these rules were 'delivered' - I didn't realise this would be such a cause for debate. Obviously it was more of a 'I have to catch a train so if you could please leave the bathroom free between 6.45 and 7'

OP posts:
bluebeck · 13/07/2018 17:40

Just to be clear - what is his status? Is he paying a proportion of the rent on a property you rent jointly? Or do you own your home and he is renting out a room?

If the latter, then all your rules are totally acceptable. If he doesn't like it he can fuck off.

Why are you charging him below market rate?

Which of the rules is he objecting to? Why? Have you had lodgers before?

littleredrose · 13/07/2018 17:41

Your house, your rules. As soon as he gets his own place the better.

Original poster
southatsea · 13/07/2018 17:41

And this was after numerous mornings of waking up any time between 6am and 6.45am and my lodger seeming to go into the bathroom as soon I wanted to! I'm sure that wasn't done intentionally but surely proves that having a set time makes life easier for everyone?

OP posts:
Thisisnotreallymyname · 13/07/2018 17:44

Your house, tour rules.
They sound fair.

Hammer66 · 13/07/2018 17:44

Same rules I have had for my lodgers except the use of bathroom between 6.45am - 7.00 am. We have two showers and two loos in house so not an issue. But what if your lodger needs the loo at 6.50am?! 😂😂

Jenjenyeahyeah · 13/07/2018 17:45

Don’t sound harsh, just sound like rules that would be polite and good practice to follow if you are living with people anyway. Which exactly does he object to?..or is it just that he doesn’t in principle like being given rules to follow (which isn’t your problem but his). Your rules are reasonable...and I think most reasonable people would like like this anyway when sharing a space?

SingingOutOfTune · 13/07/2018 17:47

Not too harsh at all. You are asking the basic: the house to be kept clean of dirty dishes, some quiet after 10 and no strangers in the house without your consent. When I was a lodger I wasnt allowed to have people over and couldn't watch TV on the living room. If the bathroom is off limits for only 15 minutes it is fine. I think it's better if you have clear rules like that so there is no reason for upset. I think people are mixing a lodger arrangement with flat mate where is much more equal. But also costs lots more.

YouDancin · 13/07/2018 17:54

I shared a house (as a lodger) once where everything wwas going smoothly. Until another lodger moved in and was an absolute arsehole.

Every morning he would dive into the bathroom 2 minutes before I got out of bed. He then stayed in there for 40 minutes. One loo ... I was dancing around desperate.... for AGES
It didn't seem to matter when I got up - he was ALWAYS in there.

I tried getting up 15 minutes earlier... he got up earlier
I tried getting up 20 minutes later ... he got up later

It was INFURUATING.

As he was moving out he told me I coughed as I got out of bed so he would go into the bathroom when I coughed.

UTTER UTTER UTTER UTTER BASTARD.

DevilsDoorbell · 13/07/2018 18:00

Sounds reasonable to me. If he doesn’t like the rules, he knows where the door is. No ones making him be your lodger

CammieKennaway · 13/07/2018 18:02

I think your rules are perfectly fair.

Thehappygardener · 13/07/2018 18:07

I wish I had had rules like this when I had a lodger, you and your rules (guidelines?) sound totally reasonable. In my case, my lodger was a friend of my younger brother, and he was supposed to be staying with me for a year, while he did an MSc., and in that time visiting his girlfriend in her flat about 40 miles away quite frequently.

Then she decided to move into his room in my flat and have a gap year without asking me. She came to stay for a weekend and stayed for a year! They didn’t offer any more money or contributions to gas, etc. They told me it would be ok (!) but it was inconvenient, and I was so gobsmacked, I did nothing. Never again. I went out a lot and stayed away most weekends. They were amazed when I asked them to leave at the end of his study year, as had been previously arranged.

Keep your rules, he has somewhere good to live, and as you have said, your lodger needs to let you use the bathroom before you go to work, a quite reasonable request from you. 🌺

SofiaAmes · 13/07/2018 18:10

I have had a hundred lodgers over the last 25 years. I have a set of written rules not dissimilar to yours and I give them to the lodger to review before agreeing to accept them into my home. It's my house and my rules. A lodger is NOT a roommate or a tenant which is why there are even different laws applicable to a lodger. If they don't like my rules, they are welcome to find a room elsewhere. I don't know what your house looks like, but in my case it's a fantastic house and I charge less than the going rate and it's a privilege to live here. (I have remained friends with every single one of my lodgers, except one.)
OP, if he is struggling with the simple common sense courtesy rules you have given, I would ask him to move and get a new lodger.

yearofthewoman · 13/07/2018 18:16

Southatsea I totally agree with what SofiaAmes said.

This is not a house share - it's your home, and he's come into it.

When you're renting a room, you need to embrace your prejudices about people not squash them as you need to get on together!

I'm pretty laid back. But when renting to lodger I only let other people into my house who were similarly laid back! I was strict about that! I needed to know we'd get on living together.

Do you enjoy sharing your space with this guy? He sounds like a pain. If he keeps complaining about rules or not adhering to them, and has no other significant redeeming features, then he's a bad match for your household and I'd give notice and find someone else.

SeamusMacDubh · 13/07/2018 18:18

I wonder how many people who think YABU have wee experienced having a lodger or knowing someone with lodgers.

Your list of rules is fine, and totally reasonable. If your lodger hadn't hoarded dirty crockery in his room, the rule wouldn't have been enforced. As PP have said, overnight guests means more utilities used.

If it's not working, find a different lodger. Might be worth looking into getting one that works opposite shifts to you so that you only cross paths briefly.

lily2403 · 13/07/2018 18:29

sounds like a child rather than a lodger...I understand to an extent noise but friends needing permission...do you ask his permissions to have your friends visit...it’s supposed to be his home too

tryinghardnottocry · 13/07/2018 18:33

Taking in lodgers has always struck me as a bad deal - it severely impacts on your enjoyment of your own space and the rent is really quite modest in the scheme of things - if it means hanging onto your home then for a short while it may be an idea

labazs · 13/07/2018 18:36

Think wording is a bit strong maybe like the bathroom use appreciate bathroom being available at ---- and prefer music and tvs kept to a low level after 10 appreciate being asked about visitors etc just try to be friendlier its hard enough to feel relaxed and at home in someone elses home as it is

yearofthewoman · 13/07/2018 18:37

I wonder how many people who think YABU have wee experienced having a lodger or knowing someone with lodgers

Yes, exactly. Personally, I want my lodgers to feel at home and feel free to bring friends hone as long as they're nice. I made this very clear. The lodger who decided to sneak his girlfriend in for a week and pretend she wasn't there while he went out to work all day was the one I asked to leave! Poor girl - making her hide quietly in his room all day! And it was totally unnecessary - she would have been very welcome!

But I don't think my approach is any more "right" than Southatsea. We're both reasonable to want people who have similar values and ways of living to us.

FatBarry · 13/07/2018 18:38

Is lodging much cheaper than a house share? I don't think the op is unreasonable but I would rather house share than lodge. At least that way you are all on an even level.

yearofthewoman · 13/07/2018 18:39

Taking in lodgers has always struck me as a bad deal - it severely impacts on your enjoyment of your own space and the rent is really quite modest in the scheme of things

It works for some people.

DP and I like people. I really enjoy sharing with lodgers, it's nice to have people around.

Also we're on relatively low incomes so the extra money is significant to us.

AyUpMiDuck · 13/07/2018 18:40

YANBU . I think those rules are fine and I'd agree with all of them. As mentioned before, the way they are communicated might cause some friction. Next time you have a new lodger I'd recommend mentioning them in advance so that it doesn't seem personal.

yearofthewoman · 13/07/2018 18:45

Is lodging much cheaper than a house share?

It often is, but not always. It's more flexible and has fewer barriers up front.

House shares through an agent will likely mean credit check that they charge £150 or more for (or at least they used to last time I looked into it, hopefully they've been stopped from doing that!).

It can be hard to pass the agent's checks for stupid reasons. (e.g. I got turned down for being a student, even though I was a mature student in my late 30s. Hardly an 18 year old party animal!)

House shares are more likely to mean fixed contracts, lodging can be more flexible in terms of how long you want to stay.

Lodging more likely to be priced to include bills. They may have smaller deposits - or no deposit even.

user1457017537 · 13/07/2018 18:45

I think if you have a lodger they should have their own bathroom or en-suite. Just makes things a lot more civilised. Maybe your property is not suitable to share with someone

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread