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Original poster

Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

512 replies

southatsea · 12/07/2018 07:34

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 12/07/2018 17:38

Amethystical

And specifying when someone can use the bathroom is something adults who act like children do.

Pengggwn · 12/07/2018 17:39

I don't know anyone who would read that rule and assume that no compromise was to be made through.

But that isn't what was said.

SunShades · 12/07/2018 17:47

I think if you're going to impose rules like these, you should really be advertising for a child to adopt rather than a lodger.

A lodger pays for a room and access to the other facilities in the house. You can't then dictate what times they can do things and what they should do with plates etc.

I wouldn't tell my teenage DS what time to turn his TV off or what to do with his plates, never mind someone paying for the privilege of staying.

You really need to unclench and get a grip of yourself OP if you're going to have a lodger.

NC4Now · 12/07/2018 17:50

Reminds me a bit of

Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?
9amTrain · 12/07/2018 17:52

I'd agree with all of them except for the plates thing, you're not his mother and he's not a teenager.

Also, I would re-word the 6.45-7am bathroom use thing, you make it sound forbidden and he could desperately need a wee or something one morning.

MaisyPops · 12/07/2018 17:53

So you like living in a smelly, smoky room, with piles of festering plates around you? Where you can meet a ONS stranger in the morning, when you need to get in the shower and get to work?
Of course not
But the OP hasn't requested the basic and entirely normal expectation of 'don't leave plates in your room for days' and instead has decided that all plates etc must be back in the kicthen the same day, which is a bit ridiculous.

Unless of course there are actually people who genuinely believe that a glass of juice or an empty mug of tea becomes a biohazard because it was brought down at 6am and not 1159pm.

Amethystical · 12/07/2018 17:58

And specifying when someone can use the bathroom is something adults who act like children do.

It's 15 minutes. Is it really a big deal? Can they not wake up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom before OP or something?

But that isn't what was said.
That there's no compromise is what is implied by everyone throwing "what ifs" into the situation.

Things like making sure you don't leave your plates in your room for long periods and wash them, to keep the room nice etc, is just commom courtesy, but some people don't have that - which is why sometimes spelling things out is necessary.

RachelfromFriends · 12/07/2018 17:58

Sounds fair. I had a friend who lodged and the woman wouldn't allow her to use the bathroom overnight or EVER FLUSH WEE

Pengggwn · 12/07/2018 18:33

It's 15 minutes. Is it really a big deal? Can they not wake up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom before OP or something?

Like I say, I would see it as a big deal, yes. I don't see why one person in a house where I pay rent should be able to dictate when I can or can't have a shit.

HushabyeMountainGoat · 12/07/2018 18:40

But @Pengggwn if you got ready at the same time evety morning, and every morning someone went in for a shit during the time you needed the bathroom, you seriously wouldn't say something?

If the answer is no, then surely by default you are allowing the other person to dictate when you shit?

Pengggwn · 12/07/2018 18:44

But @Pengggwn* if you got ready at the same time evety morning, and every morning someone went in for a shit during the time you needed the bathroom, you seriously wouldn't say something?

If the answer is no, then surely by default you are allowing the other person to dictate when you shit?*

I would get up earlier, and if I missed the bathroom slot I wanted, I would wait for them to finish their shit. It's called having respect for someone.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/07/2018 18:56

my lovely old wooden one split in two - a sad day! I'd had it for at least 20 years

And I will take a guess that none of you died of food poisoning, Gaspode

Brown76 · 12/07/2018 19:03

But the point is that if your lodger started playing loud music at 11pm every night, and you had to be up at 6:45am for work surely you'd ask them to stop. And if they didn't stop you'd boot them out. So why not just make the things that would piss you off clear at the outset as OP has done?

WilburIsSomePig · 12/07/2018 19:21

I don't think any of these expectations are unreasonable. When I had a lodger in the late 90s I told her to treat the place like her own. Boy did I regret that when I came home from a shift to find her having a threesome with a couple of randoms she met in the pub, on my (new) rug ...

Original poster
southatsea · 12/07/2018 20:10

Sorry had to go to work and only just read the replies which I will try to respond to:

  • I didn't say 'lights out at 10pm' I said no loud music after 10pm
  • In the mornings I have to get a specific train to get to work so I have a routine which involves having a shower at 6.45am. If I didn't state a specific time I would have no idea if I could use the bathroom then and I would be late for work!! My lodger spends at least an hour in the bathroom in the mornings having a shit and a shower. So I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him not to use it for these 15 minutes.
  • Obviously he can have a glass in his room overnight but I think plates and cutlery upstairs is just gross
OP posts:
Amethystical · 12/07/2018 20:28

I would get up earlier, and if I missed the bathroom slot I wanted, I would wait for them to finish their shit. It's called having respect for someone.

But why should OP have to get up earlier when he's the lodger and the one moving in?

safariboot · 12/07/2018 20:40

All sounds reasonable to me. Although if they're his dishes then I'd say it's his prerogative if he wants to stack them up in his room as long as they're not actually going mouldy.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 12/07/2018 20:47

They all sound perfectly reasonable to me. If he doesn't like it, I think he should move out and find something that suits him better and you find a lodger you're more compatible with.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 12/07/2018 21:37

It's the way it comes across. If you were in a houseshare you'd just have a conversation about who needs to use the bathroom when. I don't see why it should be any different here. And having someone in your house does mean you sometimes have to compromise. But if I thought they were being unreasonable then I would just get rid rather than laying down rules lile this which inevitably sour the atmosphere.

Jux · 13/07/2018 00:36

Quite, YetAnother, it's one thing in a houseshare but entirely another thing with a lodger. I'd happily let a room in my home, but I don't want strangers wandering about just because the lodger scored...

cherish123 · 13/07/2018 01:24

All rules are fine - except bathroom times. They might need to get ready for work too. Guests - why do they need to give advanced warning. They might pull....

Pengggwn · 13/07/2018 05:57

Amethystical

She doesn't have to. She can choose to be dictatorial and to insist on her position of superiority over 'the lodger'. Or, she can choose to treat him like another adult paying her rent, who deserves respect.

It matters very little. I am simply saying that I wouldn't live like this.

MaisyPops · 13/07/2018 06:36

Pengggwn
I agree.
There are ways of doing things. Having a chat as adults as and when things happen is probably better than 'it's my house, my rules. Here are a list of rules including a bathroom timetable and telling you you mustn't ever have a glass upstairs overnight'. The entire tone doesn't sound like dealing with an adult and seems like it's bound to create ill-feeling.

Amethystical · 13/07/2018 06:39

She doesn't have to. She can choose to be dictatorial and to insist on her position of superiority over 'the lodger'. Or, she can choose to treat him like another adult paying her rent, who deserves respect.

But if she ends up getting up earlier so that her lodger can use the bathroom at the time that he wants, and she can no longer get ready in those 15 mins,, then is the lodger not being somewhat uncompromising and dictatorial too?

I wouldn't ask someone who has always used their bathroom at that time to get up earlier just because I'm moving in. I would get up earlier to accommodate them. If I made them work around my morning routine, I'd feel awkward and imposing.

Metoodear · 13/07/2018 06:40

Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)these one are silly and sound like the ones I have for my son everything else is fine

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