To wonder if it’s cheeky fuckery to ask to bring baby?

[IncyWincyMouseRat]

Friend from work is having a birthday meal about a month after my due date, being organised by some other colleagues. It’s possible I’ll have a six week old baby but also entirely possible I’ll have a two week old baby.

Was IBU to ask if baby would be welcome (if all was well)? I said it was absolutely fine if not (as I totally understand that it opens up the floodgates to anyone dropping in the old ‘I could get childcare’ excuse and the place being overrun with toddlers) and I didn’t want to detract from the special event.

What is the normal etiquette for stuff like this? I have no idea!

'See in my circles none of us would be interested in cuddling a baby. Which I think highlights that only you know which category your work colleagues fall into.
I think I’ve you've asked and not got a yes back you need to assume your baby isn’t welcome.'

Agree Gamer

If asked would say yes not to appear rude but all this 'everyone want a cuddle' no thanks

I wouldn't go.

It won't be fun for you with a 2 week old and even with a 6 week old it could be more hassle than its worth. God, theres no way I'd have taken my DS at either of those ages to a birthday dinner, jist not worth the stress.

I'm I the only person in the world who didn't have a newborn baby that was always feeding or sleeping and no bother at all?? Feeding was difficult (and painful), we had to change nappies every 5 minutes and most of the time he seemed to be crying.... (misses the point of the thread).

My dc3 is 9 weeks old and if definitely have taken him. But Dc2 cried a lot, so wouldn't have been fun. Ask and then if they say it's OK, see how you feel and how baby is on the day. No harm in pulling out of you aren't likely to enjoy it

YANBU at all OP! If someone invites a woman anywhere and they know that it's extremely likely that this woman will have a baby at that time, they have by default invited the baby. It boggles the mind that people think you can just leave a newborn behind! What does childcare even mean for a newborn ffs? DD was breastfed and wouldn't let me put her down for more than 5 sec at that age. DM and DP looked after her for long periods of time to give me a break but there were times that only I could calm her down. I wouldn't risk causing distress to my baby to attend a birthday party if the organisers didn't want her around. And also, not all women can express breastmilk and not all babies are happy to take bottles. (Expressing in fact is not recommended before 6 weeks of age.) If I were you, I would probably ask out of courtesy but wouldn't go if they indicated I can't bring baby with me. I probably wouldn't have known or thought of any of this before having a baby myself, but then I would have also never said no to someone asking if they can bring the baby along to a non boozey get together.

Yanbu get a stretchy sling and baby can sleep on you.

'See in my circles none of us would be interested in cuddling a baby. Which I think highlights that only you know which category your work colleagues fall into.
I think I’ve you've asked and not got a yes back you need to assume your baby isn’t welcome

Same here. My circle is a carefully selected group of people who either don't have children or have older children. No way would any of us want to be around a small child, even a new born.

In RL adults like to celebrate their birthday by having a meal, party, whatever with the people that they choose to invite and enjoy getting presents and cards and be a bit spoiled just for one day. It's only on MN that everything an adult does ,just come second to children.

As you've received no reply, assume your child isn't invited.

Who said anything about cuddling a baby? People don't need to cuddle it, coo over it, or really even mention it. If they wish to fine, but it shouldn't be a precursor to it coming along. It comes out of necessity, or ease, not to be fawned at.

Even if someone 'hates babies', if it's quiet and not really doing anything, then what business is it of anyone's if it comes along really

Surely this is still in the special zone that babies under about 3 months fit into. They aren’t annoying at all to take to restaurants as they still sleep and feed without moving around or doing much. With my friendship group, we check if we’re bringing kids or no kids depending on the event and all follow suit, but a newborn doesn’t count as they don’t really change the atmosphere plus it’s the one time in your life that you are desperate for a bit of normality and to get out and about and see people (IME). When I have had my babies I always hibernate for weeks and don’t really force myself to do anything not strictly necessary, but a birthday meal I would go to with a newborn for sure.

I wouldn’t leave a baby 2-6weeks to go for dinner, but I probably wouldn’t want to take one out for dinner either - I think it’s very much a “play it by ear” situation. I would ask if it’s possible but I would ask with a view that you may well not want to attend anyway. It I had to pay in advance I’d probably just decline.

Lol, thewaronpeace, next time I have a baby I want one of yours! Mine were never the 'silent eating and sleeping' type

Say "I'd love to come but won't be able to leave the baby”. She'll either say "bring the baby" or "shame, we'll miss you”

^This is perfect

No it isn’t! I’d interpret that as a polite way of saying “no fucking way am I coming out for a meals two weeks post-partum!”

It would never occur to me that you were angling after an invite for the baby, because it would never occur to me that your newborn wouldn’t be invited. How else would you be able to attend?

The upside is that, if you're only 2 weeks in, you won't care anyway. You won't want to go.

I think it depends if your friends have their own children. If they do, of course they don’t want yours to tag along on a child-free night. Can you just meet them for drinks if you are not comfortable leaving it?

I couldn’t have taken dc1 at two weeks, but would have been fine at 6. We took her on a flight at 5 weeks and she was fine.

Dc2 would have been fine at either age.

I think I’d pull out, especially as you haven’t had a reply.

I’d be happy for a friend to bring their baby and wouldn’t expect them to leave one so young!