To wonder if it’s cheeky fuckery to ask to bring baby?

[IncyWincyMouseRat]

Friend from work is having a birthday meal about a month after my due date, being organised by some other colleagues. It’s possible I’ll have a six week old baby but also entirely possible I’ll have a two week old baby.

Was IBU to ask if baby would be welcome (if all was well)? I said it was absolutely fine if not (as I totally understand that it opens up the floodgates to anyone dropping in the old ‘I could get childcare’ excuse and the place being overrun with toddlers) and I didn’t want to detract from the special event.

What is the normal etiquette for stuff like this? I have no idea!

Yeah if it's just lunch I'm sure it'll be fine. They're not going to expect you to leave the baby at home in any case.

gu24mum your, you're, may be your pet hates. We all have them but it is pedantic and rude to point them out in a forum. As are those who post "grammar/paragraphs " are your friend. You are correct of course but you don't come over well. Do you correct grammar errors when people speak to you? I hope not!

We went to a wedding at 3weeks post partum (baby 2 weeks late). It was tough for me as my episiotomy hadn’t healed yet so I couldn’t sit on both bum cheeks at the same time, but baby was great - just stuck into a boob or sleeping the whole time.

I think it’s ok to ask - surely that’s considerate rather than CFesque? And explain you may need to confirm on the day whether you’re coming, depending on potential cluster feeding/mastitis/infected stitches/severe lack of sleep/any other disruptions of new parenthood.

No don’t bring the baby. Chances are that your baby, no matter how quiet, will completely change the dynamic.

gu24mum your, you're, may be your pet hates. We all have them but it is pedantic and rude to point them out in a forum. As are those who post "grammar/paragraphs " are your friend. You are correct of course but you don't come over well. Do you correct grammar errors when people speak to you? I hope not!

We're not allowed to correct our own posts?

Um, I think Gu was correcting her own earlier post. Not picking on someone else’s

Gamer

You may not feel up to it OP but it's not rude to ask I don't think in that scenario. I probably would have just taken it as a given that it was adults only.

Eh

GU was correcting herself

Sorry

'Oneself'

I would ask but be prepared for the answer to be No.

I went to a work Christmas dinner with a 2wo baby, but it was in a closed environment (not a public restaurant) and everyone was very keen to meet the baby, so it wasn't an issue. Not always the case!

If someone asked me I wouldn't really want a baby there but I'd feel I had to say yes

MarthasGin has a point. Some people do find it difficult to say no, especially if the other person frames it as, "They'll be really quiet/asleep/on the boob/everyone loves babies!"

Depends on your friend OP. For me, I'd always assume an adult event is adults only unless they specify it's child friendly

I did this for a Christmas meal, everyone loved meeting and cuddling DS and he slept most of the couple of hours we were there. I did check before hand though

I don’t think it’s cheeky, that’s basically a newborn. My cousins wedding was no kids invited but it was about a week after my due date so I said I would have loved to but too close to due date, especially if I was late. In the end, baby was a week early and she got in touch to say I was still welcome with the baby if I was up to it. Newborns are completely different to toddlers

It’s not cheeky to ask. It would be CFery if you just brought the baby after or without asking.

So be prepared for an answer you won’t like.

Confusedbeetle - is it too rude to say you've made a big boo boo?

OP - I think I'd leave it very open at the moment tbh. If you're anything like me when I first had children, I never managed to leave the house for frivolous stuff like socialising for about a year and a bit.

Sorry, you asked already? Why the post?!

Or haven’t they responded?

It's not cheeky to ask but if she says yes, remember the event is for her birthday so don't make it all about you and the baby.

It depends whether the people going like babies. If they generally do, or don't care either way, then it will be fine. If there are some baby haters there, then I probably wouldn't, because there probably will be a bit of crying at some point or you will need to feed the baby, which might make you feel awkward and will change the dynamic. If people are expecting an adult event they may not like it.

In my group we would expect baby and also be very happy with breastfeeding -no need to express as someone else suggested. Just ask.

It’s fine to ask but as you have already said you would accept that.

I'd be cool with it.

It's not in the least cheeky to ask. I bet they say yes and will be queuing up to hold your beautiful baby.

A “babe in arms” is not likely to be any trouble at all. It probably wouldn’t occur to me that such a young baby could be considered “unwelcome” at a meal.