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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 'pescatarian' dd's wishes don't trump everyone else's?

150 replies

Dragonniamh · 10/07/2018 07:54

I have three dc - a ds who will eat anything, and two dds who have always been much fussier. Dd1 hates fish, dd2 has always hated meat and a few years ago started calling herself a pescatarian.

The issue is that we're currently on holiday, and while looking for somewhere to eat lunch, we came across one restaurant that only served fish. Dd2 decided she wanted to go there, as they had things she could eat (in addition to the not eating meat, she's also a very fussy eater). But dd1 didn't want to go there, as she hates fish.

Dd2 said that as she was a 'pescatarian', while dd1 is just a fussy eater, her needs should come before dd1's. Dd1 pointed out that dd2 is no different to her - there was no ethical reason behind her choice not to eat meat, it was based purely on taste, and why should her wishes trump dd1's just because there's a name for her diet?

When I said that we would look for somewhere else to eat, where they could both find something they liked, dd2 accused me of always siding with dd1. WIBU?

OP posts:

KTD27 · 10/07/2018 07:56

Hang on it was a restaurant which only served fish or the only restaurant which served fish.
If it’s the former your pescatarian daughter IBU what was her sister supposed to eat? She doesn’t like fish just as your other daughter doesn’t like meat.
If it served other things then fair enough.
Name or not if there’s nothing on the menu which suits everyone it’s a pointless battle to fight.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/07/2018 07:56

No, YWNBU.
Presumably you code a place where everyone could enjoy the food not a place where at least one person wouldn’t eat.

DD2 was being selfish & only taking her own diet into consideration.

IAmALamp · 10/07/2018 07:57

Yanbu....dd1 needs to eat too!

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 10/07/2018 07:57

DD2 is being ridiculous. A place where everyone can eat is the obvious choice. What does DD2 think DD1 will eat at the restaurant she wants to go to?

Kintan · 10/07/2018 07:57

I’m sure dd1 could have eaten something even if it was a few side dishes. It would have been nice to let dd2 choose where you ate and then let dd1 choose the next time. Is there a history of dd1 getting her way more or was your dd2 just mouthing off?

zzzzz · 10/07/2018 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/07/2018 08:03

Take it turns to choose. They will learn that if they don't take account of other people's wishes, the favour will be returned!

DelphiniumBlue · 10/07/2018 08:04

That includes you and TH having turns, so each person chooses one night out of 5. Whingeing means missing your turn.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 10/07/2018 08:04

I would give them a tenner each and tell them to sort out their own lunches.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/07/2018 08:04

DH not TH.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/07/2018 08:06

What zzzzz said. I would have said: I’m going to find a restaurant which has food I would like to eat and frankly, I don’t care what the two of you do.

calzone · 10/07/2018 08:06

I would leave them at home with a sandwich and go out with DH.

Way too much hassle for something that should be a treat. 😡

Pengggwn · 10/07/2018 08:07

Obviously you are not going to a restaurant where there will be one person who is completely unable to eat. I hope, by the same token, that you don't go to restaurants that only serve meat.

NoProbLlama78 · 10/07/2018 08:09

Take it in turns including DS.
There will be something they can eat even if its a few sides as a main.
I'm veggie and will eat anywhere.

Seniorcitizen1 · 10/07/2018 08:13

You are the parent so act like one

BarbarianMum · 10/07/2018 08:13

Take it in turns to choose. Otherwise the fussiest always gets their way and everybody else is limited.

bullyingadvice2017 · 10/07/2018 08:16

How old are they?

UneMoonit · 10/07/2018 08:16

I'd get in touch with them and find out whether they can accommodate dd1 with e.g. a veggie option, as it would be a lovely treat for dd2 as a pescatarian. Then do the opposite another time.

Have the same thing as DD1, and teach her that her doing something nice for a family member once in a while is a good thing.

Juells · 10/07/2018 08:16

You haven't said what age they are, which is the most relevant thing. There's meat absolutely everywhere, while food suitable for vegetarians or pescatarians is more difficult to find.

Apart from that, what @NoProbLlama78 said. But it seems to me that you lean in favour of DD1 anyway, so she'll be the one accommodated because she's 'reasonable' 😉

lucy101101 · 10/07/2018 08:17

Taking it in turns to be 'in charge' for the day seems to solve a multitude of problems for our two... we shall do it all holidays... but they will still row a bit....

Jorah · 10/07/2018 08:18

Tell them both to grow up and not be so spoilt. Then go where I wanted to go.

ZoeWashburne · 10/07/2018 08:24

I do believe there is a fundamental difference between being a vegetarian/ pescatarian and just generally fussy. If your daughter is old enough to have an argument about the restaurant she is too old to be fussy eater. Your daughter has made it clear that she is a pescatarian, and has probably eaten her fair share of bland meals in order to make your other daughter happy in general restaurants. Have you ever done this to your generally fussy daughter? If your daughter is choosing to be fussy she needs to learn that sometimes she is only going to get chips and a side salad. She needs to learn that she is welcome to have the plainest thing on the menu, but her needs to not trump everyone else's. Otherwise you will be eating at chicken and chips places every night to please her.

That being said, I have never come across a fish restaurant that served EXCLUSIVLY fish in every dish. I am sure your other daughter could find something and wouldn't be starving.

And they way you say pescatarian with quotes does make me think you have some hostility towards your daughter's choice. And the fact that you are still catering to just a generally fussy eater does make me wonder if you are unconsciously or not, favouring her. Do you cook her special meals so she doesn't kick off? Does she get to have different portions of things that the other kids don't? Your pescatarian daughter probably never gets to have several options on a menu and was excited by this, and you did took fussy's side. Yet how many times has fussy's dictated your restaurant choice, leaving pescatarian daughter with only 1-2 options for dinner.

In the future, take turns with restaurants, and remind your fussy eating daughter that she is choosing this.

OkMaybeNot · 10/07/2018 08:27

Agreed, give them a tenner and tell them to go find some food. Then go where you and DS want.

OkMaybeNot · 10/07/2018 08:29

But she's not a pescatarian on purpose. She's just as fussy as her sister, except her brand of fussiness has a name.

Original poster

Dragonniamh · 10/07/2018 08:29

The restaurant in question really did only serve fish. There were 3 fish options and nothing else - we're in Iceland.

Dd1 is 15 and dd2 is 13.

OP posts:

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