To think 'pescatarian' dd's wishes don't trump everyone else's?

[Dragonniamh]

I have three dc - a ds who will eat anything, and two dds who have always been much fussier. Dd1 hates fish, dd2 has always hated meat and a few years ago started calling herself a pescatarian.

The issue is that we're currently on holiday, and while looking for somewhere to eat lunch, we came across one restaurant that only served fish. Dd2 decided she wanted to go there, as they had things she could eat (in addition to the not eating meat, she's also a very fussy eater). But dd1 didn't want to go there, as she hates fish.

Dd2 said that as she was a 'pescatarian', while dd1 is just a fussy eater, her needs should come before dd1's. Dd1 pointed out that dd2 is no different to her - there was no ethical reason behind her choice not to eat meat, it was based purely on taste, and why should her wishes trump dd1's just because there's a name for her diet?

When I said that we would look for somewhere else to eat, where they could both find something they liked, dd2 accused me of always siding with dd1. WIBU?

I'm amazed that a restaurant wouldn't have anything apart from fish. And surely part of the experience of Iceland, for all of you, would be going to a fish restaurant? But no, that's not going to happen in case DD2 might think she was getting something she wanted 😂

"Would you really have left a 13 year old to have dinner alone in a strange city on holiday?"

To be honest, I wouldn't put up with a 13 year old dictating to me. I'd expect the threat of being alone to eat to be enough for her to decide to come with the rest of the family.

I'm amazed that a restaurant wouldn't have anything apart from fish.

I don't think it's surprising - even in the UK, fish restaurants in my experience are among the most likely to have no vegetarian options and no other meat options. Specialist places are always trickiest - I went to a Brazilian steakhouse (for someone else's birthday) recently and the only non-steak option was a pretty dull salad. But I think that's fair enough - they were very clear about the special type of food they did, and it was me who wanted something outside that.

I'd expect the threat of being alone to eat to be enough for her to decide to come with the rest of the family.

That's a risky game!

It sounds like both girls are as fussy as each other - it's just that DD2 is lucky enough that her fussiness aligns with a specific dietary preference. OP says she's never liked the taste of meat so it's not an ethical preference.

I see no difference between "eats meat but not fish" and "eats fish but not meat" in the fussy stakes frankly.

he claims he wouldn't be able to digest meat after 20 odd years as a 'vegetarian'

^ this is demonstrably bollocks. The body is perfectly able to break down all kinds of foods regardless of whether they're regularly eaten. I was veggie for over a decade but had no issues at all when I started eating meat again despite having always had IBS. Meat made zero difference. I know plenty of other ex-veggies who found the same thing.

I would leave them at home with a sandwich and go out with DH.

Don't entertain that shite

Do you know what I would have done? Gone to the local shop, picked up some fruit and cheese and biscuits, and gone and sat on the quayside and had a picnic.

Your DD2 was in the wrong by the way. And if she pushed about her food or sulked at the place you ended up in, I'd have docked her pocket money to pay for the value of the meal and reminded her that not everyone gets holidays in Iceland.

We've started to see a bit of this behaviour from our DDs recently (aged 6 & 4) and I'm coming down on it very hard.

A chicken is a very intelligent little entity, and I don't want to be complicit in its slaughter. Fish may be as well sad but I haven't seen the evidence first hand.

I don't know about fish either (and I don't eat anything that had a face) however I recently read that an octopus is also a very intelligent and sensitive creature. Crabs etc. will try to run away from being cooked. What finally put me off fish was finding a big worm in my cod goujon, if I hadn't removed the batter I would have eaten it and it made me feel ill.

Fish is usually on a menu anywhere, except the obvious vegetarian or vegan places, an exclusively fish menu - surely there were sides if the fish place was a treat for the not so picky one, the extra picky one could have had the sides.

I am 'picky' in the sense that I am fed up with the same vegetarian options everywhere, hate risotto, usually like polyfiller, goats cheese makes me feel ill, and cooked nuts are not only revolting they also make me ill. I have to ask not to have pesto on things as that also makes me ill. I am pretty much used to halloumi, veggie burgers from the freezer and mushrooms made into burgers when eating out. Have also just had vegetables, salad and bread etc. It can be done.

I think you just need to make it a rule that the restaurant chosen must cater to the whole family - or you could get takeout.

We are currently on Iceland as well and managing fine despite one in the party being a diabetic with lactose intolerance

My DS has always hated tomatoes, literally from the weaning stage. If I found a restaurant that only served tomatoes, I would immediately disregard it because he needs to eat too. I don’t understand why you as a parent thought it would even be an idea to go there knowing one of your children wouldn’t be able to eat .

Do you know what I would have done? Gone to the local shop, picked up some fruit and cheese and biscuits, and gone and sat on the quayside and had a picnic

Not helping myself here, but dd1 hates and won't eat cheese ...

We are currently in a hotel in Spain which claims to have vegetarian options in each of the four restaurants. DS (20) is vegetarian.
In fact there are no main course veggie options, just ..... vegetables. He has eaten a lot of salad and carbs and we are eating out a lot!

Well as one of your daughters couldn't eat at the fish restaurant then obviously it would have been unreasonable to go there, just as it would have been problematic to eat at a Steakhouse.

However I wonder if your pescatarian daughter feels that you prefer your other daughter in other ways and maybe that's why she feels so sensitive about this OR perhaps she doesn't feel that her dietary choice is respected.

Instead of joining in with their disagreement just state 'We must find somewhere that we can all eat, that's fair' and then do so!

This is a no-brainer, surely.

If restaurant A serves meat and fish, and restaurant B serves only fish, then you go the one that everyone has a choice in.

It’s not for anyone here to decide it’s “ridiculous” for dd not to eat fish. Everyone has something they don’t like!

However I wonder if your pescatarian daughter feels that you prefer your other daughter in other ways and maybe that's why she feels so sensitive about this OR perhaps she doesn't feel that her dietary choice is respected.

Or she was just having a bit of a teenagery strop and 'but you always do what SHE wants' is a classic line from that repertoire? We can't know either way, but there's no evidence of genuine favouritism from the OP.

Stop bowing to fussiness op, you probably have created this situation yourself by not stamping it out earlier. Find a restaurant that serves a variety of dishes to please all, if your dds don't like them, pop to the shop, buy some bread, get some butter, they can have toast then!

Why have you put pescatarian in inverted commas like that?

Whilst you eat your meal, they can sit there skulking until you get back to the hotel, they can have sandwiches or toast.

YANBU.

If a restaurant only serves fish and one of the family does not eat fish, you don't eat there however much you want to. The alternative is to spilt up as a family and eat in separate places or return as a smaller group if it is a destination restaurant i.e. Rick Stein.

Pescatarian?

Where I'm from they just call it half-assing it at being a vegetarian or fake vegetarians.

Also it sounds like you just have 2 fussy eaters.

Where I'm from they just call it half-assing it at being a vegetarian or fake vegetarians.

Oh dear. What backwards place are you from?

Pescatarians baffle me.

I get the whole “I don’t eat anything with a face” concept but deciding that fish are less worthy of being saved than land animals is weird to me.

I eat everything! I don’t discriminate between faces

Some people just don't like the taste of meat but do like fish.

I guess I would be classed as a pescetarian because I've stopped eating beef, pork and poultry as I've just gone completely off the taste and texture. I still like fish though so I still eat that.

It's got nothing to do with half-assing it at being a vegetarian or deciding that fish aren't as worthy as cows or pigs for me. It's just a preference.

Whilst you eat your meal, they can sit there skulking until you get back to the hotel, they can have sandwiches or toast.

^This