To think 'pescatarian' dd's wishes don't trump everyone else's?

[Dragonniamh]

I have three dc - a ds who will eat anything, and two dds who have always been much fussier. Dd1 hates fish, dd2 has always hated meat and a few years ago started calling herself a pescatarian.

The issue is that we're currently on holiday, and while looking for somewhere to eat lunch, we came across one restaurant that only served fish. Dd2 decided she wanted to go there, as they had things she could eat (in addition to the not eating meat, she's also a very fussy eater). But dd1 didn't want to go there, as she hates fish.

Dd2 said that as she was a 'pescatarian', while dd1 is just a fussy eater, her needs should come before dd1's. Dd1 pointed out that dd2 is no different to her - there was no ethical reason behind her choice not to eat meat, it was based purely on taste, and why should her wishes trump dd1's just because there's a name for her diet?

When I said that we would look for somewhere else to eat, where they could both find something they liked, dd2 accused me of always siding with dd1. WIBU?

As neither dd will be paying the bill I would say neither of them gets to choose the restaurant.

ZoeWashburne does make a good point that dd2 is probably restricted every time you go out for meals as there won’t be much choice of fish in the average restaurant. However everyones needs should be accommodated.

I assume you didn’t find anything on the menu dd1 would eat as you said it only served fish but if there was, I think it would have been a nice thing to do for dd2. If there wasn’t it would be rather like taking dd2 to a restaurant that only serves meat and no fish/veggie/vegan option. That wouldn't be on.

My dd is a fussy eater. Normally there are only 1 or 2 things on the menu she will eat. Dh will eat anything and I have to be a little fussy as I have food intolerances. We go to the restaurant dd likes normally.

You the adult tell them when you going to a resturant where everyone can eat something.

@OkMaybeNot

But she's not a pescatarian on purpose. She's just as fussy as her sister, except her brand of fussiness has a name.

...according to the OP. I'm a pescatarian, because I'd like to be a vegetarian but don't have the moral fibre, so I get as close to it as I can.

My eldest DD became vegetarian around the age of 14. I can't imagine telling her she's a fussy eater. She was very low-key about it, just started cooking her own food, there was no hassle. Same thing happened three years later when DD2 also became vegetarian. Neither have ever wavered in the years in between.

Let your daughters cook for themselves if they don't want to eat what the rest of the family eat.

Sounds like you pander too much to both of them - you and DH choose.

I’m from a family with a mix of fussy eaters, vegetarians for ethical reasons, and food intolerances.

Eating out is a nightmare. We have three chain restaurants we know we can eat at, but if there are none of those around it can easily take an hour of traipsing round looking at menus before we pick somewhere.

Once I got pregnant and developed gestational diabetes it became even more complicated and I couldn’t cope with the walking round for an hour looking for food that would suit everybody.

So our rule now is - if two or more people like the look of a restaurant, they go in there. Everybody else keeps looking until they’ve all found places to eat.

Then we meet up again after lunch.

It has made family outings a lot more fun!

You could send DS in with DD2 so she gets a meal that she likes and you can go somewhere nearby with DD1 so she has more options then let DS pick the next place and take in turns from there.

If it has only 3 options it sounds like a fast food restaurant or somewhere a bit high end. If its high end they should be able to sort something out but no starters, sides or pudding sounds a bit rubbish

Iceland isn't a good place to be on holiday for someone who doesn't like fish.

Obviously you can only go to restaurants with a wider menu. There will be plenty of restaurants that do non-fish options whilst still having good quality fish options.

You eat somewhere everyone can eat. If there are really only three dishes, all fishy, one daughter can't eat there therefore no-one can (unless they're older teens and happy to go off by themselves anyway).

My partner is a strict veggie, I'm pescatarian. I would never insist we ate somewhere with only meat and fish on the menu.

Yanbu. You need to choose a place suitable for both of them!

Go you somewhere that serves not just fish, but more of a choice for everyone. DD2 is being unreasonable on this occasion.

I would choose a restaurant that has a selection of vegitarian and meat dishes, as your dd can eat veggie food. It is very selfish to inflict your diet on everybody else.

How did you end up with two such fussy eaters? I'd be wondering that at first really. If they're still kids then you need to stop pandering to them.

Let them take turns to choose.

Also, where are you where only one restaurant serves fish?

If there were only 3 choices, and none of them were suitable for one member of the family, then obviously it's not an appropriate choice for your family to eat in together. The restaurant you choose must have an option for everyone. Surely that's obvious, and DD2 should be able to understand that, pescatarian or not.

Obviously whichever restaurant you do end up at must have something that both daughters could eat.

And yes, I think that you have two fussy eating daughters, and one's fussiness shouldn't trump the other's fussiness. Choosing not to eat meat because you don't like it (as opposed to ethical reasons which I might hold in higher regard) doesn't trump any other form of fussy eating.

You were definitely not being unreasonable - yours (we look for somewhere where there are options for you both to eat) was the only reasonable solution.

I do think that they're both a bit old to be 'fussy'. As a vegetarian I tend to think that you get one thing - it drives me a bit mad when I see other vegetarians insist that they won't eat mushrooms/goats cheese/whatever when someone has already gone to an effort to make them or find them a vegetarian option. I think you get one thing - mine is vegetarianism, DD1s is no fish and DD2s is no meat - and if you get an option that accommodates that then you put up with it, as otherwise you really are demanding too much and so almost certainly inconveniencing everyone else.

Also, where are you where only one restaurant serves fish?

It wasn't the only restaurant that serves fish. They pretty much all do.

This restaurant served only fish.

You are the parent so act like one
She did, I think.

The restaurant in question really did only serve fish. There were 3 fish options and nothing else - we're in Iceland.
Is that the fish and chip shop type restaurant near the harbour? We went there, it was basic but lovely food and one of the less expensive places to go in Reykjavic. Meat is much more expensive there.

I eat anything, DH calls himself vegetarian although he is actually pescatarian. I can see no morality in eating fish but not chicken and no dietary difference either but it's what he wants to eat so I humour him.

You choose a restaurant with veggie and meat options, if dd does not like it, tough she goes hungry. I would not be doing with that.

I eat anything, DH calls himself vegetarian although he is actually pescatarian.

Please tell him to eat fish but not meat if he likes but not to call himself vegetarian - he's making life much harder for actual vegetarians!

I think it's rude to take someone to a place where they can eat nothing.

Though I've been driven mad by one adult in our family - older than me.

Worst example they insisted on coming out to one of our children birthday celebrations - which meant we couldn't go where they birthday child wanted to eat. They then had a sulk because we veto Chinese place as at the time our three children wouldn't eat Chinese food - rice noodles. Apparently we were being unreasonable .

I've have told them both angirl off here and said we find somewhere everyone can eat or other option is we don't this evening.

Please tell him to eat fish but not meat if he likes but not to call himself vegetarian - he's making life much harder for actual vegetarians!
I do, it's an ongoing conversation. He can eat what he likes and I won't try to change that but he claims he wouldn't be able to digest meat after 20 odd years as a 'vegetarian' If he can digest tuna he can digest chicken imo.

I eat anything, DH calls himself vegetarian although he is actually pescatarian. I can see no morality in eating fish but not chicken

I see things differently. A chicken is a very intelligent little entity, and I don't want to be complicit in its slaughter. Fish may be as well :( but I haven't seen the evidence first hand, as I have with chickens. Fish eat each other by the millions, and have fairly short lives in the ocean, so I can somehow persuade myself it's not as bad as eating meat.

Any thread that mentions vegetarianism is filled with sly digs at anyone who doesn't want to eat meat. :(

Fair enough, glamorous - obviously it's not your job to stop him using the word, I just wish he wouldn't!

I'm a bit sceptical of the 'losing the ability to digest meat' thing - I fairly recently had some meat for the first time in 16 years (no other food option, felt faint, heavily pregnant) and while I didn't feel great about it, it turned out I seemed to digest it just fine.