To think 'pescatarian' dd's wishes don't trump everyone else's?

[Dragonniamh]

I have three dc - a ds who will eat anything, and two dds who have always been much fussier. Dd1 hates fish, dd2 has always hated meat and a few years ago started calling herself a pescatarian.

The issue is that we're currently on holiday, and while looking for somewhere to eat lunch, we came across one restaurant that only served fish. Dd2 decided she wanted to go there, as they had things she could eat (in addition to the not eating meat, she's also a very fussy eater). But dd1 didn't want to go there, as she hates fish.

Dd2 said that as she was a 'pescatarian', while dd1 is just a fussy eater, her needs should come before dd1's. Dd1 pointed out that dd2 is no different to her - there was no ethical reason behind her choice not to eat meat, it was based purely on taste, and why should her wishes trump dd1's just because there's a name for her diet?

When I said that we would look for somewhere else to eat, where they could both find something they liked, dd2 accused me of always siding with dd1. WIBU?

Why are you on mumsnet- or the internet at all, on a family holiday???

I have this issue with my dd’s, ones a meat eater and the other will only eat fish. We try and find somewhere they can both eat, it’s unfair to go somewhere one of them can’t eat.

Your dd was being selfish.

YWNBU.

Entitled, spoiled, rude, selfish brats. And that is it! Stop pandering to them, and their absolute nonsense. This... posted before...

I would give them a tenner each and tell them to sort out their own lunches.

How many meals do you cook to just sit down together as a family?
sounds like teenage squabbles and attention seeking to me to see who can get mummy and daddy to agree with them

Quite frankly I'd give them 30 quid tell them to feed themselves and find a child free place to eat in peace!

The poster saying that someone should suck up going to a place that serves hardly any food you like / cant / want too eat as sometimes people have to suck it up to be nice to others. So a vegetarian or vegan should have to eat meat at a steak house? of should they have to only have onion rings or something (most steak house here in Birmingham choose for vegetarian or vegan is dire).

Both are fussy i would choose the restaurant that had dishes for both and if both were sulking i would basically saying tough shit and grow up.

DD2 was being unreasonable. Having a 'name' for what she'll only eat meat-wise doesn't mean she isn't just as fussy as DD1.

You need a restaurant where there's a variety of options for all.

Exactly, I would not be having that. I would as i said, find a restaurant that serves meat, fish and vegatarian dishes. If they then turn their nose up at it, you sit down to eat, whilst they sit there sulking. Then when they get back to the hotel, you can offer them toast or cereal. I would not be walking around restaurants to please each of them.

ZoeWashburne
'...too old to be a fussy eater.'
Some people are never too old to be fussy eaters. Fussy eaters are a pin, a self-indulgent pain. Food allergies are a different thing but turning up the nose and doing the squeemy face does me in big time.

Wow. Get some “pescatarian” friendly protein bars. And also some... let your other daughter make up a word... bars (or beef jerky). Offer one to whoever grows faint with the proposition of eating less than their favorite food.

pizza?

OP I feel for you, I have 2 DD who are 2 years apart and rarely agree on anything.

As a young child as long as we could find a ‘red pasta’ dish on the menu we survived as we knew DD2 would eat something.

DD1 isn’t fussy but she is on the spectrum and only likes white meat, some fish or veggie and finds DD2 annoying.

DD2 is worse now as it has been discovered she is dairy intolerant so scans menus intensely. There may have been occasions when I have completely lost it with them and taken them back to our villa and made them eat what is in.

For us it gets even worse when we take MIL as she can never decide if she fancies anything on a menu. On these occasions I whisper strong words to DH to sort it out.

Did you "pescatarian" DD became so after the other revealed she hates fish? Or vice-versa? Kids sometimes do that just to assert how different they are. And to make your life difficult. Remain impartial and decide a place where everyone can eat.

I grew up with two fussy eater -spoilt- siblings. Mum would cook them chicken dippers and all manner of "junk food" while I was served pasta with vegetables and other grown up vegetarian dishes that I'd eat but my siblings wouldn't and so mum had to cook something different for them. Looking back, the food that mum and I ate was a lot more healthy than the freezer food they ate, but it felt shit as a teen to be given real food while they were pandered to.

Think how DS fits into all of this while his sisters draw you into their bickering.

Obviously you are not going to a restaurant where there will be one person who is completely unable to eat.
No one is unable to eat anywhere, they're just fussy and CHOOSE not to eat a lot of things it's not the same thing

I echo the view that there will be something other than fish to eat in a fish restaurant, just because familiesay have one fussy member who doesn't like fish.
Even a specialist restaurant in a fishing village in Sicily, known for serving only fish, actually offered my DCs burgers, quietly, because kids sometimes whinge about fish (I was v pleased that they chose a fish dish instead!).
Stop indulging their whining, tell them where you're eating, give them a limited time to pick something, ignore whining and tell them to be quiet and stop spoiling the meal. Let them know that you hope they choose something they'll enjoy, but if not they can have a cereal bar, and some toast when you get home if still hungry. Tell them to stop moaning, and appreciate the luxury of eating out. Repeat.

Peace, love and harmony 😂Been there,,done that, ánd survived! My tip : just book a restaurant with vegetarian options.And yes, nowadays most restaurants offer more than the "mixed salad"option! If your daughter(s) choose to be absolutely uncoöperative they can have some bread and fruit before bed 🤣

Worridmum - for ONE meal yes. As a veggie I've been with groups (family & friends) to restaurants like steakhouses or specialist eg fish restaurants and selected if there were no veggie option (though most restaurants are accommodating if you explain politely and knock up a salad or omelette) a couple of side dishes and if still hungry a dessert. It's not the end of the world for ONE meal to compromise to allow another/others to have a meal/experience they really want to try/like.

And then the next meal the person who was accommodated makes the compromise.

ALL that said it does sound as if this is a situation op should have nipped in the bud long ago. I don't necessarily mean the fussiness (though I wonder if they'd be this fussy if op had dealt with it earlier) but the unwillingness to negotiate and compromise.

Crap! Is there a McDonalds in Iceland? They could both have large chips and McFlurry.

Joking. I am surprised they are so fussy though and that neither is prepared to accommodate the other.

Are you sure there was nothing DD1 could eat. I hate fish and have eaten at fish restauransThere's usually something, although it might be hidden at the bottom of the menu. The choice is not usually that exciting but if DD1 is a fussy eater that might suit her. Maybe do what others have said and take it in turns to choose where to eat, with the proviso that there has to be something on the menu for everyone

I hope someone has made a 'they're really 'shellfish' joke.'

No, we haven't, @dorisdog - we didn't think it was our plaice.

That was meant to be a joke - I didn’t mean to kill the thread!

Find a place where everyone can have something they like surely? She is BU.

I’d tell them both to stop being so picky and entitled. When they are paying they can choose where to eat. Until then you and your DH will choose the venue.

I speak as the parent of children with very different tastes - one has been completely veggie since she was 7, the other would eat a rare steak for every meal if we allowed it. Wherever we go, there is often an element of compromise but neither one has ever gone hungry.