AIBU to refuse to take the morning after pill

[Stillwishihadabs]

So background I am 42 and happily married 2 DC s (14&11). Having used the cooper coil for 10 years (since DCs) I have recently have some gynae issues so have to have it removed. I had a couple of months on the mini pill, but had horrific side effects and understand that the mirena would be similar. So approxiamately 2 weeks ago I stopped taking it and basically told DH I was sick of messing about with my body and it was up to him. Last night after the footy and a few drinks we DTD. I asked him if he was going to use a condom and he said "where are you in your cycle?" To which I replied " I haven't a clue" ( true, no period since stopping mini pill). I wouldn't mind being PG I have an excellent job with good maternity pay, a people carrier and a 4/5 bed house. Also one of my school friends has recently announced her pregnancy which made me go "ahhh". Today DH seems freaked out by what happened and is asking me to take emergency contraception. AIBU to refuse ? I think he needs to step up with contraception if he doesn't want another DC. I have a feeling that if I do this it will remain my responsibility.

A kid deserves to be wanted and cherished by both parents.

If you do have a child, and your DP doesn't want it, the child will know - rejection (either outright or more subtle) by a parent is crap and miserable. I guess maybe your DP might fall in love with the baby once it is born but that's such an unfair gamble on the child.

You just sound like you want a baby and sod the consequences, tbh.

It is your choice ultimately.

I wouldn't as my view is that the MAP is like a v early termination, which I wouldn't personally do inside a marriage when I can support that life.

I don't judge anyone who has an abortion or takes the MAP, I have taken the MAP a couple of times when I was a teen.

But that's my opinion, I wouldn't do it now, which is my choice, and would deal with the fallout if I was pregnant.

Bottom line, what is the worst case scenario, would your dh support you and a baby, would he do it so grudgingly that it destroyed your marriage? And are you willing to take those consequences?

Conversely if you feel pressured into the MAP how resentful will you feel?

Only you can answer those questions.

A kid deserves to be wanted and cherished by both parents.

Nicely put.

I view my marriage as a partnership so in your situation, I'd take it on this occasion and have an adult to adult conversation about whether WE wanted another child. Cold light of day, unemotional not time-bound decision. Having a child is such a big commitment.

If it's a solid "no" from him, then he needs to acknowledge that the contraception is now his responsibility. Again, a cold light of day discussion - not when either of you is drunk or horny!

Yeah don’t take it, but only because you have a people carrier.

YANBU. Lots of sanctimonious responses here. But you told him, he made the call.

Morning after pill made me horribly horribly sick so I’m not surprised you don’t want to take it.

He’s old enough now to pretty much be accepted for the snip with few questions asked so if he’s really against having more DC, he should do that or in the very least use condoms. If you do get pregnant from this, I sincerely hope it doesn’t solely blame you.

You could get the copper coil fitted as an emergency contraception then have it removed after a month or so... that will give you time to talk about it and set things in stone with dp.

Pmsl at the irony of 'the map made me incredibly sick for a couple of days'
Because pregnancy wont do that for three months.....

I noticed today ALL my neighbours had sheets on their lines outside (I'm single)...
Dirty buggers the lot of you

I can't believe a man of that age is such a child about condoms!

WORD OF WARNING

My DP and I dtd just once back in March and I am now 17 weeks pregnant! I'm 45!! We had an horrendous time for several weeks trying to come to terms with the shock and work out what we wanted to do. I honestly can't stress enough, unless you are 100% certain you want another baby/child don't take any chances you're not too old to get pregnant even if you only do it once that month!

Justtheonequestion I know not everyone gets sick but I did think that too lol I was sick and badly for months. I’ve had the morning after pill a few times and felt fine.

You would put a coil in and take it out again, all because some man child can't open a foil wrapper and stick it on?

YANBU. Deep down you must both want another child or you wouldn't be playing Russian Roulette.

Irresponsible? Why? The op wants a baby. She can afford one. Maybe her last chance.

Erm because ideally her partner should want it too. She has 2 dc already. It’s not like it’s her last chance to have a baby ever.

However the bitch in me (and we all have one) is saying. Is this a thread a stealth boost about having the "perfect" life

I think most men whose kids have got to that age are horrified at the thought of doing it again. I often think hormones and broodiness cloud womens views-there is no logic, because wanting a baby isnt logical in many situations. Having a baby, even with a people carrier when your partner is dead against it, whether he is shit at contraception or not, is a bad idea.

I love the focus on the car ! I don't have a perfect life, However from a practical point of view we are not in a bad position to have a baby, much better than we were for either of the other 2 and it might be nice to do it again from this position rather than hand to mouth in a 2 bed flat, with no car. We have talked about having a third before, but decided against it on mainly financial grounds. We are in a much better position now, but had thought I was too old, however my old classmate announcing her pregnancy has made me re-think this. Had the gynae problems not raised their head, I wouldn't have done anything about this, the coil I had in should have seen me through to 50.
Of course the disability thing is a worry as is the effect it would have on DS and dd (although the end of maternity leave would co-incide with DS's exams, so might work out quite well). Having said that most babies born to 42 year olds are healthy and those conceived spontaneously more so than those through fertility treatment.

Despite all this of course I respect DH's desire not to have any more children and am absolutely happy for him to prevent pregnancy. But if he chooses to go ahead with unprotected sex then I don't see why I should prevent a pregnancy for him.

This is likely to be a moot point tbh as the pill I was taking untill 2 weeks ago (actually checked and think it was 11 days on Saturday ) would have suppressed ovulation, so I think I would just be demonstrating that he (we) can do whatever we like and I will make it better again.

Oh I did have a chat to him last night, he seems ok with me not taking the MAP, I really don't think he would leave us if I did up pregnant ( honestly we are a happy family unit- I think) I am quite liking the idea of taking it but not letting on. I will not be making appointments for DH to discuss vasectomy with the GP, ball is most definitely in his court. As for poster who suggested a hysterectomy ???? Really !. I hope they meant a female sterilisation as a hysterectomy is definitely unnecessary to prevent pregnancy !!!!

So you will just keep going for pregnancy because he wont leave you and the kids if you are.
Well planned.
His fecklessness in contraception is certainly to your advantage but he sounds spineless. So long as theres a baby it doesnt matter though right?

Justtheone it's easy for him to prevent pregnancy! Honestly what do you think I should do ?

And don't mean take the MAP or not I mean ongoing ?

I would take it this time but afterwards refuse to have sex with him unless he takes responsibility for contraception.

I have 3 adultkids from my 20s....then the 4 th child at 38.,,, wow he's now 9and I'm knackard...I'd take the pill x