AIBU to refuse to take the morning after pill

[Stillwishihadabs]

So background I am 42 and happily married 2 DC s (14&11). Having used the cooper coil for 10 years (since DCs) I have recently have some gynae issues so have to have it removed. I had a couple of months on the mini pill, but had horrific side effects and understand that the mirena would be similar. So approxiamately 2 weeks ago I stopped taking it and basically told DH I was sick of messing about with my body and it was up to him. Last night after the footy and a few drinks we DTD. I asked him if he was going to use a condom and he said "where are you in your cycle?" To which I replied " I haven't a clue" ( true, no period since stopping mini pill). I wouldn't mind being PG I have an excellent job with good maternity pay, a people carrier and a 4/5 bed house. Also one of my school friends has recently announced her pregnancy which made me go "ahhh". Today DH seems freaked out by what happened and is asking me to take emergency contraception. AIBU to refuse ? I think he needs to step up with contraception if he doesn't want another DC. I have a feeling that if I do this it will remain my responsibility.

It seems a very passive-aggressive way to conceive a child. . .

I don't think she's trying to conceive. I'm sure the OP will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she's quite happy for him to use contraception.

You want a baby, and you want to be able to justify this to your horrified dh when you find out you are.
Honestlt, youre playing with fire. Be careful what you wish for. The 'baby which would be loved' (by you) could likely shatter all of your lives including your kids. Your baby could have a chromosomal abnormality or be twins.
Not taking the map isnt just to prove a point. It is because you ARE going to try and conceive.
The reality will be very different to your romanticised notions.

I think those saying she didn’t take his wishes into account are missing the fact he does know that not using protection would mean a baby. He took that risk, as did she obviously and making a point by not taking the morning after pill is an odd one. But he did know the risks too. I think he may have learnt the lesson himself now and a good talk about him using condoms or getting the snip is the option here as the op doesn’t want to take anymore hormones. I wonder if a hysterectomy would be an option? But then you don’t mind being pregnant so it’s going to fall to him or no sex.

DHs wish was evidently to ejaculate inside OP, which she appears to have accommodated.

Honestly though, my petty side would take it, because it wouldn't be my wish to conceive in these circumstances, but tell him I hadn't and let him stew for a while. Also has the advantage of not setting precedent of continuing responsibility for pregnancy protection. I wouldn't, but I kind of wish I would!

We also don't seem much to have addressed the possibility that OP takes MAP and it doesn't work. Taking it by no means equates to the end of the situation.

And there could possibly be a child, because ok so we didn't but he should. But I could have but yeah maybe. We didn't but hey ho. it'll be fine.

You had taken responsibility for both of you for years. He knew your attitude and still dtd without protection. I would not take the map in your position, why should it always be women putting hormones in our bodies when a man can't be arsed to buy of box of easilly available condoms?

Women can buy condoms too, and insist that they're used.

Refusing to take the morning after pill has the potential for massive consequences, eighteen years of them. It's petty and selfish for OP to refuse. They can then have a non drunk non impulsive conversation about them both taking responsibility for contraception for the future.

Are you prepared to go it alone with this possible pregnancy?

When a couple have a contraception issue why does this line always get trotted out?

Don't be surprised if he walks out on his pregnant partner, men really are that shit! In the vast majority of these cases the men manage to understand that they are part of a family unit they have joint responsibility for and don't immediately scamper off into the sunset.

I bought the condoms that were on his bedside table !!!

Your dh has been irresponsible. He is making it massively clear that contraception is, and will remain, your responsibility until menopause.
I wouldn’t be up for that myself. The MAP is surely more hormones than a regular pill would be, so even though you’ve said you don’t want more he’s decided he should have his fun and then you do the dirty work?
I’ve had a healthy child at 42, but we both wanted it.

Those advocating a sober convo, what exactly would be different next time that would make him reach out to the nightstand to take one of the condoms there and actually use it ? He’s just waiting for you to go back on the pill/get a new coil.
We’ve always used condoms except when ttc, it’s not as difficult as some men seem to think.

What did you say when he said he wasn’t putting one on?

Can't believe the hard time you are getting on here OP. You have not been irresponsible here at all....You had a conversation with your DH about it being his turn to take responsibility for contraception, then bought him condoms, then told him you wouldn't mind having another baby, told him going ahead with sex last night could result in a pregnancy and he still proceeded without contraception.

His regret today means that he is asking you to again take responsibility, potentially feel very ill for a few days and firmly establish the fact that he will not be responsible for contraception ever.....

I wouldn't want another baby with him so I'd take the MAP but I certainly wouldn't tell him that I had. And I wouldn't be dtd again without him being very clear that he wants another baby or steps up on the contraception front...

Yanbu in the slightest. You take responsibility for your fertility, DH should take responsibility for his.

post footy child number 3....classy.

I've told DH I will never take the MAP (outside of circumstances like rape). We fell pregnant on the pill so wouldn't have known anyway, but I've always said it is just as much his responsibility to be proactive as it is mine.

You will be 60 when any child resulting will reach 18. I just encourage you to think about that before you prove a point.

Thanks I'd like to think so 😉. Thanks to everyone plenty of food for thought, although I won't be ending a 20 year relationship because of a careless moment. I'm signing off now to have another chat with dh

Why anyone would want to have a baby with an unwilling father is beyond me.

You're both irresponsible.

YANBU OP. Don’t take the MAP, you don’t want to and it’s another horrible dose of hormones which fucks about with your system. As long as you’re happy to have a baby then carry on as you are.

You are both irresponsible and self centred... but nobody can force you to take the morning after pill.

Take no notice of Boxsets. From what I've seen, they are a twat on lots of threads. No way is this all about your needs at the expense of your dh's.

He knew the risk, you were very clear. Do whatever you want with your body.

Your're both way too immature to behave childre. Fuckwits

• to have children

Sorry, not particularly helpful but why on Earth didn’t he just pull out?