AIBU to refuse to take the morning after pill

[Stillwishihadabs]

So background I am 42 and happily married 2 DC s (14&11). Having used the cooper coil for 10 years (since DCs) I have recently have some gynae issues so have to have it removed. I had a couple of months on the mini pill, but had horrific side effects and understand that the mirena would be similar. So approxiamately 2 weeks ago I stopped taking it and basically told DH I was sick of messing about with my body and it was up to him. Last night after the footy and a few drinks we DTD. I asked him if he was going to use a condom and he said "where are you in your cycle?" To which I replied " I haven't a clue" ( true, no period since stopping mini pill). I wouldn't mind being PG I have an excellent job with good maternity pay, a people carrier and a 4/5 bed house. Also one of my school friends has recently announced her pregnancy which made me go "ahhh". Today DH seems freaked out by what happened and is asking me to take emergency contraception. AIBU to refuse ? I think he needs to step up with contraception if he doesn't want another DC. I have a feeling that if I do this it will remain my responsibility.

For me there's a world of difference between not taking emergency contraception and having a baby. For one thing it's pretty unlikely and of course we would have more discussions etc. I just think by running off to the pharmacy he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his actions.

so what now you want to teach him a lesson?

I don't know. I find with a lot of men unless you said "if we continue without contraception we could be adding a third child to our family", ths subtly could well be lost, especially when there is sex involved. It doesn't constitute a discussion. But if you'd both be fine with another baby then it's not really a problem.

So a poor innocent child has to instead

My exh tried to get me to have an abortion after I got pregnant because he forgot to pull out. His refusal to take responsibility for his own contraception and then expecting me to terminate made me really lose respect for him tbh.

(Always refused condoms)

For me there's a world of difference between not taking emergency contraception and having a baby.

Are you for real? Not taking emergency contraception after unprotected sex could obviously mean a baby.

Luckily the chances of conceiving aren’t high. A child should not be a bargaining tool but the fruition of a shared, thoughtful and agreed decision.

Yes of course you are both being entirely unreasonable.

For me there's a world of difference between not taking emergency contraception and having a baby.

But there isn't is there?? Yes it might be unlikely you may not fall pregnant but by not taking the pill you are saying you will either have the baby or have a termination further down line if you are. Ultimately it is your choice what you do with your body of course it. But I think people are just saying that make the choice that is right for you, for you and the future not the using this as a way to prove a point!

I agree with @itswinetime completely, I just came on to type out something exactly the same!

just say no, im not taking hormones LIKE I TOLD YOU. I suggested a condom. YOU didnt want to. You knew im not on anything, and the MAP is a massive dose of hormones so not doing it

That's funny, we were saying last night that there'll be a crop of baby girls called Samara after last night.

It's up to you as long as you can cope with the possible consequences, pregnancy and a divorce being most likely.

I realised I asked for this as it is in AIBU but any child would be loved and well cared for. It wouldn't be a "poor innocent child". Either on my own or with DH I would provide a stable and happy childhood (see above re; good stable job, house, car. Also loving grandparents who would be utterly delighted, ditto aunts and uncles.

I agree with you OP. You are more open to more children, he doesn't want to use condoms. Why should you put yourself through the side effects and general hassle of contraceptives when it's all good and well for him to enjoy condom-free sex with no consequences? Makes me think of a colleague whose husband has said he doesn't want more babies but has refused the snip! Talk about unreasonable! In your position, I would not take the MAP either. Ok, he may walk away but that could happen even if you didn't have more DC. And, chances are, nothing will happen anyway. Let this be a lesson learned for him.

I think you behaved foolishly to go ahead and have sex with your husband without using contraception when you know he doesn't want another child. Why would you do that to a child? He was being an an absolute idiot too - obviously!

I'd get the MAP and then have a proper discussion with your husband.

If you want a baby and your husband doesn't then DONT have sex with him and decide whether you want to get divorced or whether you want to live without having another child.

My body, my choice!
You chose to let him have sex with you without a condom.
He chose not to use one.
You BOTH knew the risks and you BOTH chose to ignore them.

You are both responsible, I think if you both haven't agreed to have another child then you should not be having sex. Yes it is fair to say its now his turn to deal with the contraption but that doesn't mean your hands are now washed clean.

Contraption or no sex is what adults do.

Hes got the fear now, but he should have thought of that before fucking his broody wife without a condom. I have zero sympathy. He wanted bareback when condoms were available

If you want a baby and your husband doesn't then DONT have sex with him and decide whether you want to get divorced or whether you want to live without having another child

I think she's quite happy to live without another child, but she's also not too worried about falling pregnant again. What she doesn't want to do is continue taking hormones. And she's already made all of this very clear. Her husband chose to have sex with her knowing all of this. Him changing his mind after is absolutely not her fault and not her responsibility.

I'm also unclear why someone upthread thought she should have refused to have sex. Maybe she likes having sex?! And why shouldn't she? It's now up to her husband to decide whether he prefers to abstain or use contraception.

OP - your husband has had a bit of a scare. It's probably the first time he's really had to think about the consequences of unprotected sex! Personally, I would take pity on him this time and take the MAP, but make it clear that it's once only.

You BOTH knew the risks and you BOTH chose to ignore them.

She didn't choose to ignore them! She's happy to have another baby, and made sure her husband was aware she wasn't using contraception. HE chose to ignore the risks and not use a condom.

It seems a very passive-aggressive way to conceive a child. . .

You were both irresponsible. I'd be booking the doctor for the snip first thing Monday if I were him and not having sex until done as this doesn't sound like a partnership but more that your wants trump his.

If a child is conceived it could mean the end of your relationship as you didn't take his wishes into account.

Even if the child is wanted and loved, you’re still using them to teach your partner a lesson? I think he may have learnt by realising a baby is a possibility now. Unless he says he hasn’t?

If you were literally talking about conceiving, your husband is a Grade A fuckwit.