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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset by what I found out ?

226 replies

Gibraltarlady · 08/07/2018 15:02

I will try not to drip feed.

My ds (11) just came back from a pgl type of trip. Before he went, we gave a letter to the teacher for ds to read when he is there. The letter was nothing extraordinary, I was just saying how hot it is, we miss him, hope he is having fun etc...

Yesterday, when I was finishing unpacking him, I found the letter we gave him. Between the lines, he or one of his friends (he is adamant it's him but the writing is different) wrote some comments. I wrote : It's really hot here so I'm eating loads of ice-cream (not really but I was eating one when I was writing this letter. Underneath I'm eating loads of ice cream, he wrote that's why your FAT.....He wrote other things but that's the worse.

I know he was just showing off and yes I'm fat, and yes I'm definitely going to do something about it as he is obviously ashamed of me.

I told him how it made me feeling but he said he doesn't mean it and apologised so I'm not going to go on about it.

Inside I'm crushed.

OP posts:
RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 09/07/2018 22:20

But saying 'youre fat' isnt an insult to an 11 yo.

“That’s why your so FAT”, from an 11yo, is definitely an insult ime. It’s not like he said it to her for a bit of a laugh or as a neutral description of her to differentiate between her and someone else or something. Those I could understand an 11yo missing the mark a bit, but in the context, ime, an 11yo would know that was a rude comment.

brownmouse · 09/07/2018 22:20

This is just 11 year old humour! You're fat / you smell of poo / here's a picture of BOOBS.

Personally I'd compliment him on a good grasp of grammar for the You're and tell him he smells of wee.

brownmouse · 09/07/2018 22:22

Oh sorry I see he wrote "your fat". TBH this would piss me off more.

Jezebel101 · 09/07/2018 22:38

It's blown out of all proportion. The OP is hurt, but the joke was innocuous enough for a kid of eleven.

By making an enormous issue out of this the kid is going to be ultra sensitized to weight issues because he's going to be made feel like a monster because his mum is hurt. His mum being hurt is her issue and she should leave him alone now he's even been forced to apologize.

He's a kid, you got him to apologize, leave it there and woman up and don't pass on your issues surrounding weight and emotions to your kid.

Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 22:44

Well I went with the don't pass your issues on to your kid approach a while back when (younger) DC2 was calling me fat. Downplayed it. Last week he called a kind man who spoke to us "fat". The man looked so embarrassed. I dealt with it as best I could but I felt awful for the man. An older child should be made aware of how hurtful it can be.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/07/2018 22:51

Jezebel101 (and others, you’re just above my post) you think the OP and her son exist in a vacuum and overweight people aren’t subjected to name calling and bullying all the time? You think 11 year olds don’t notice the images they’re bombarded with in the press? You think even if they’re sheltered from that they don’t have mates who ‘banter’ like this?!

Her weight was picked out as an insult. Not her hair, or her clothes, or her taste in music. He should know that to point out something as an insult is wrong. He should know to ‘make a point’ about something a person can’t immediately change about themselves can be rude and hurtful.

And she has left it there so I don’t even know why you’re making out she’s going on about it.

AgathaMystery · 09/07/2018 22:51

My 5yo would know that was hurtful.

I'm sorry OP. I don't know why this has happened but I hope you can speak with him about attitude and kindness. You sound like a lovely mum.

Awhoosh · 09/07/2018 22:52

OP i would be upset too and so sorry you received so many horrible comments. Glad you have decided to use it as a positive. I bet there was some bravado going on and people wrote stupid remarks. They might have said fat whoever it was. I bet your son loved getting his letter. Big Flowers Flowers

Kahu · 09/07/2018 22:52

WTF hotsauce ?! That is just plain nasty.

OP, it is great that you are turning a negative into something positive and starting C25K, it will be great for your health and well -being.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you will only feel good about yourself, or you will will only start living your life once you have lost weight.

And equally, don't spend your life comparing yourself to others. Those pretty, slim mums at school? They have hang ups and insecurities too, they have stresses and problems, they have successes and failures, good times and bad times, just like you. We all do, we are all human.

Just try live your own best life. Good luck with your C25K - you have motivated me to get my (for what it's worth, skinny, but very unfit) backside off my couch!

ToeToToe · 09/07/2018 23:14

GibraltarLady - of course you must go to the school event - why would you think you couldn't? Sweaty mess my arse!

For Heaven's sake, my love, you are as valid a human being as any one else, and your son attends this school, and so you are welcome to the event.

I think it's wonderful if this negative thing happening to you - 11yr olds are notoriously cruel and thoughtless - spurs you on to lose weight. No doubt you will be happier and healthier if you lose weight - But for now it just doesn't matter. You're his mum, and he will love you unconditionally, and want you at his school events. Just remember that.

Thanks
ToeToToe · 09/07/2018 23:16

*and yes, correct his/his mate's grammar! As well as his/his mate's manners. What are they teaching him at this school??

strawberrisc · 10/07/2018 00:35

Wow! Some of the complete bitches on ths thread have plunged me right back to my grammar school days.

We were always encouragedto write a letter when DD was on Brownie trips. He’s 11 ffs and your letter was lovely and lighthearted. Ignore the Mean Girls.

I’m only writing this next bit because you said you wanted to make a change. Follow (even though I hate the name!) “Pinch of Nom Slimming World Recipes” on Facebook. It’s really inspiring.

And love yourself for being a caring Mum x

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 10/07/2018 06:05

It’s 6 am and I’m going for a run. I want to change ! @strawberrisc will look up pinch of nom

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 10/07/2018 06:24

Are you sure your son isn't being bullied / isn't covering for whoever wrote the comments because they're frightened about getting bullied? Your son may be just as upset as you are, if not more. Well done on going for a run, but be careful not to make this all about your feelings and forget about his.

ProfessorMoody · 10/07/2018 06:25

All 11 year old boys are horrible

What a nasty, sweeping generalisation. I teach 11 year olds, and I have a nearly 11 year old. They are absolutely not all horrible.

prettypinkpeonie · 10/07/2018 06:32

I think there's worse things to be upset about. You can do something about it.

When I was at school decades ago, divorce wasn't common, children were really looked down upon by their peers for this.

There's loads of examples of issues that can't be helped.

Happybutanxious · 10/07/2018 06:43

Hope you enjoy your run!

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 10/07/2018 06:45

I’m out and starting doing something about it :)

To be upset by what I found out ?
OP posts:
charbarrr · 10/07/2018 06:54

WOW!! Shocked at how insensitive some of the comments are on here!!!!!
OP this must be horrible I hope that you are okay. Kids can be so horrible at times without even thinking how it will effect another person but you do need to sit down with him and tell him how upset are you. He needs a lesson is RESPECT!!! Would he say this to someone at school if they were overweight? Because if he would then that could be seen as bullying. Perhaps he is hanging around with the wrong people and trying to show off. Either way I would be having strong with him and not let it go lightly it have obviously really upset you! Take care hope it works out okay!ThanksThanks

charbarrr · 10/07/2018 06:58

Having another look through the messages and some people on here are absolute bitches!!! OP your worth more than that! Take the good advice and then delete the thread. Some people have obviously gone through their life without learning the lesson your about to teach your son! Empathy!!!!!!! Don't let him turn out like these.....Thanks

charbarrr · 10/07/2018 07:01

Raviolidreaming....never thought of this!!!!!! Maybe a good chat OP

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 10/07/2018 07:14

@Raviolidreaming he had problems with his peers last year but it got better. There are lots of little arseholes in his class (you can also include my son).
I feel I need to repeat myself for the people who are a bit harsh on me. I was upset to see it written, yes it’s true I’m fat, I have let myself go but I thought I was alright with this fact. I have been lucky, in all my career as an overweight person, I never got any nasty comments so yes seeing it written shocked me. I’m human.
Yes I did have a pity party last week end but I have stopped feeling sorry for myself. I have started eating really healthily since yesterday and I went for a run. My objectif is to lose the 2 first stones by beginning of December when I turn 40 !

OP posts:
Kokeshi123 · 10/07/2018 07:19

OP, sorry you had to read that. But I am a bit confused. It was not your son that wrote this...? So why are people saying that he should be punished in some way?

Yes, I do think it's pretty silly for the school to get them to write letters for 5-day trip. They are 11 not 6.

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 10/07/2018 07:25

Because I don’t recognise his writing. I think one of his peer did it but my son is covering for him.

OP posts:
NeepNeepNeep · 10/07/2018 08:53

Best of luck Gibraltarlady!