AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

That's ridiculous! I had my baby at 44. 35.is nothing. Go for it. What other people think is their business.

I had my first at 34 and most of the mothers in DS’s class are a similar age to me.

Perhaps your mother’s generation has children much younger, but 34 is a fairly common age to have a child now.

That’s not too old! I was 35 for my first, then almost 38 for my second.

I didn’t even meet DH until I was 34! We now have two happy and healthy primary school age children. I certainly don’t stand out as being one of the older parents at school (though logic says I must be amongst them). And so what if I did?

34 is not too old; if you both want children then go for it. Do you feel down because you’re not TTC yet, or because you are and it’s not happening yet?

FWIW I think it’s no-ones bloody business but your own whether you choose to have children or not. Tell people to mind their own business.

A close friend I had years ago had a family who told her if she didn't get pregnant by the time she was 30 then she was too old and not to bother trying. She was older than me. When I got pregnant at 38 she really thought that I was too old and something would go wrong.

Every time we met she brought up my age.
How so very old I was trying to have a baby.
In the end when she realised that things were fine our friendship never recovered. She would have loved a child but hers and her families prejudices got in the way

Pick up any celeb mag and they all seem to be pregnant in their late thirties/early forties

Which makes it doubly hard if you are struggling, these celebs make it look so fucking easy to get pregnant in your 40s and many of them will have had help anyway.

I was 39 when my first (and last!) son was born. 34 is fine!

I can't believe that anyone would be told that 34 is too old to have a baby. I get that some women get pregnant at 18 but 34 is never in a million years too old.

I’ve just RTFT OP and I’m sorry I didn’t see your detail about your miscarriages before. Very cruel and tactless of people to pile pressure on you and I hope you are able to access medial support and investigations

Seriously? Everyone you mention it to says it's too old? You know some very odd people op.
34 is no where near being an 'older' parent these days. I had my third child at 35 and not one person make a comment about me being too old. My sister had her 4th at 40 and it never crossed my mind that she was 'old'.
Don't plan your entire future on what a few (Ill informed) friends and relative say, if you want children have them!

Sorry if there is then a medical reason why you haven't op - that wasn't in your first post so apologies.

Is your mum always horrible and hurtful to you, @thefinn?

If so, maybe think about making a thread over on the relationships board - it's hard to deal with emotionally abusive people and get them out of your head when you've lived with it your whole life, but it's NOT actually okay, or normal.

Average age of a first time mother where I live is 36. You're not too old at all.

Go for it. It's not your mums choice is it! I was expecting late 49s I had mine in teens and wouldn't want to start again but each to their own.

I was 36 when I had my Ds . He is now 11. I clicked this expecting it to be about been in your 40’s .

34 was 'young' in my mother's group 😂 I was 35 (although I was 36 the following week) and 37 with my two. One girl in my mother's group was 44, and a friend from school was 18.

Tell your family not to be so daft!

What kind of mother says "you are too old anyway"?! Sounds like she has her own issues. And you are most certainly not too old.

Well I had DD at 21, but the vast majority of mums I see at baby groups and at work look to be in their 40s. 34 is in no way too old to have a baby, you say English isn’t your first language, are your friends and family being influenced by different cultural expectations to say you’re too old? I’d ignore it if I were you OP, if you want a baby you are in the perfect position to do so. I’m sorry your friends and family have made you feel crap. Good luck.

I was 36 when we had our son, and the vast majority of the mothers in my antenatal class were in their mid-30s (think there was one who was in her late 20s). Most of my colleagues didn't start their families until they were in 30s or 40s.

My mom was 36 when she had me too.

I was 36 and that was 32 years ago. I thought you were going to say late 40’s. Don’t let them tell you that you have left it too late. That is utter madness.

I do t but really swear but honestly tell them all to fuck off. Of course you are not to old. You could have 4 yet!!

Your dm has you when she was 18? That's very young - some might say too young!

Had my dcs when I was 35, 37 and 39.

I think people judge by their own experiences. I was in my thirties when I felt ready to have kids, so when I hear of people having kids in their early twenties or mid forties my initial reaction is 'that's a bit young/old'. The logical side of me knows that's bollocks it's just simply how I would've felt in that situation.

My mum had my little sister aged 36. If you were like 50 I’d say yeah that’s a bit too old, but even th3n it’s up to you, if you feel you can manage it go fo it. My dad has just turned fifty and he has a 4 year old. Age isn’t anything, it’s weather you are ready or not, but then your never really ready, you just adapt.