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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
Heartsandunicorns · 09/07/2018 22:56

Your certainly not to old. I’ve been with my husband since I was 21, got married at 24, had DS at 26, DD at 30 then decided to have another baby at 37 another DD. Having another at 37 was the best ever thing we did more patient and love having 3. Good luck xx

KazzaJK · 09/07/2018 23:00

You’re definitely not too old. I had my first baby at 36, second at 38 and third at 43. Don’t listen to them and do what is right for you xxx

AiredaleFan · 09/07/2018 23:00

I was 43 when I had my first and would love to give her a sibling.

MadMags · 09/07/2018 23:02

I think it’s really quite selfish to have a baby in your 40s if you can help it, tbh!

Serendipite · 09/07/2018 23:04

I think it’s really quite selfish to have a baby in your 40s if you can help it, tbh!

Why?

ToftyAC · 09/07/2018 23:06

34... too old? Jesus wept love! That’s about average age to have kids these days:

MadMags · 09/07/2018 23:09

Because despite what loads of you people are about to post about running marathons in their 70s, and second cousins twice removed being hit by cars in their teens, generally older parents have to worry more about ageing, lack of energy, dying when their children are relatively young.

That’s not to mention the potential medical issues for the mother and the foetus, the toll of childbirth etc.

If OP is in a committed relationship and they both want dc, it’s preferable to have them now, IMO.

Cousinit · 09/07/2018 23:10

Both my grandparents had their youngest children aged 42. I don't think they were selfish. They both lived to old age to see them grow up and have kids of their own. I can't imagine growing up without those uncles and cousins in my life Hmm

SickOfSitting · 09/07/2018 23:10

34 is a normal age to have kids nowadays (my mother had me at 34 and was classed as an "older mother.")

I had mine in my early 20s and am usually made to feel like a child myself from other parents at my children's school who mostly had their children in their 30s with their delightful patronising comments over the years. Confused

Battleax · 09/07/2018 23:11

Seriously? Shock

yummyeclair · 09/07/2018 23:11

Had first D'S at 41 and DS2 at 42 both healthy. Definitely not too old . Fell pregnant naturally - best surprises ever! Keep us young and active. I still feel like I am 23 years old. Thought I was past it at 32 years old but going to be 50 next year. Life really begins at 40!

Gooseysgirl · 09/07/2018 23:13

I was 36 and 38 having mine, we've decided to stop at two but she would not have put me off going again. None of my close friends had kids until in their mid 30s. Ignore the naysayers and go for it!

Gooseysgirl · 09/07/2018 23:15

*age not 'she'

MrsEricBana · 09/07/2018 23:15

I'm simply amazed, I thought you were going to say 49 too. They are being utterly ridiculous. Dc1 and 2 at 32 and 35 here. Normal. Good luck!
.

Serendipite · 09/07/2018 23:18

*generally older parents have to worry more about ageing, lack of energy, dying when their children are relatively young.

That’s not to mention the potential medical issues for the mother and the foetus, the toll of childbirth etc. *

But how is it "selfish"? Because the reasons you gave signify that having children at 40s is "not ideal", but not "selfish".

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 09/07/2018 23:19

I was 37 when I got pregnant and had my beautiful daughter. By 43 I was going through the menopause. 34 is absolutely not too old!
Sometimes the choice is taken away, so you go for it!

echt · 09/07/2018 23:22

I think it’s really quite selfish to have a baby in your 40s if you can help it, tbh!

All reasons for having baby are selfish, it's all gratification, but somehow age seems to be the worst. Hmm

chocatoo · 09/07/2018 23:24

That's ridiculous - I was over 40. Don't leave it as long as I did tho...

UnaCoach · 09/07/2018 23:25

I'm 37 and pregnant with my first, and I don't feel in any way too old

  • so you definitely shouldn't! My friends and family are all delighted for us. Not sure who exactly is telling you that 34 is old, but it's probably based on their perceptions and limiting beliefs - don't let them affect your life! Follow your heart and ignore everyone else Xx
chocatoo · 09/07/2018 23:31

Actually I think that I have been a better mum as I am older as I had 'done' everything I wanted to (travel, the high life socially, etc. etc.) and was happy to just be a (hopefully great) Mum. I also had the finance to be able to afford to enjoy my baby and was at a point in my career where I could take time out. So, no not selfish.

Iwantaunicorn · 09/07/2018 23:32

34 is definitely not too old. I’m in the minority (thankfully!) that had to have ivf for my DTs, started trying at 26, finally had my babies just shy of turning 32. My mum had her last baby at 37, I am just unlucky in having a low ovarian reserve, but was lucky that I copped it first time for my bubbas.

In your 30’s might’ve made us an older mother 30 years ago, but it makes us younger-average age nowadays.

I’m sorry for your previous losses.

peachdribble · 09/07/2018 23:44

40 is the new 20! Don’t let others decide for you - go for it!

Talkingfrog · 09/07/2018 23:45

I had ivf at 36, and my daughter was born when I was 37. We tried for a sibling when I was 40, 41 and 42.

I have a school friend who had twins naturally at 43.
I think a lot depends on how healthy you are and how you feel, rather than a number.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

coritabee · 10/07/2018 00:18

I am 38 and pregnant with our first child. Take no notice of what anyone says. It’s between you and your DH

cherish123 · 10/07/2018 00:53

34 has never been too old. In the past, it may have been older than the norm. Nowadays, most people were older. I had DC at 32 and, when I went to playground etc, most people were around 40.