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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 09/07/2018 21:12

Of course you aren't too old. I got constant 20s the best time etc from MIL mainly. I got pregnant at 30 just when I was starting to do really well at work and fucked my career up. No one else at work has had babies that young I've been stuck for the past 10 years. In retrospect I wasn't ready and would have been better waiting a couple more years I think.

SweetieP1e · 09/07/2018 21:22

My sister is 35 and pregnant with her first. I was 37 when pregnant with my second (and last, phew). At the prenatal sessions (can't remember what these are called) there were two mums2b that were over 40. Both first time mums, both very excited.
34 is not old! It's fairly normal these days. Do what you feel is right for you and do. Being younger doesn't guarantee anything. Loving the dc is what countsSmile

Annette69 · 09/07/2018 21:23

Had my 3rd at 44, I’m 47 now. In Spain bikini on. Loving life.

Beansonapost · 09/07/2018 21:23

My mother had a baby at 48...

Someone had a baby the other day at almost 60...

isambardo · 09/07/2018 21:27

I was expecting you to say you’re late 40’s!

My mum had me at 40. She thought I was pretty young when I had my first at 31 Grin.

Honeycake50 · 09/07/2018 21:32

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

cheval · 09/07/2018 21:34

There’s never a bad age to have a baby! Crack on with it!

MarieeBarone · 09/07/2018 21:34

Utterly bonkers. Not too old at all. My mum had her 4th child at 38. My friend has just had her 2nd (with a 14 year age gap) at 41. Get going Wink

Bekstar · 09/07/2018 21:37

I was 31 so only a few year younger, my mum was 39 with her last one and my older sister was 43 so don't see the problem. Doctor said my sister was safe to have more if she wished. Only her age would be classed as a risk but otherwise see is healthy and fit. Me on the oh her hand has been advised not to have anymore due to other risks so I suppose it really means as long as you are healthy and lower any other risks as muhh as possible such as excess weight, alcohol, smoking, monitoring health etc then you are just as good to have a child as anyone who is 21 and smokes twny a day and d do mks a botlle of cider each night

Tillytrotter123 · 09/07/2018 21:38

I'm the first of my friends to have a baby, I'm 29!

Enthymeme · 09/07/2018 21:50

MissConductUS. Won’t argue with the science which was what I was alluding to in the phrase “there are increasing difficulties and risks as one gets older”, rather I was challenging the thinking of OP’s nearest and dearest who seemed to be suggesting that age per se was a barrier irrespective of fertility. Clearly not in your case either. Pleased for you. Regards.

Kathygnome · 09/07/2018 21:59

34? ROTFL. BLANK them. My partner was 40 when we had our daughter and I was 44. There are downsides--omg I wish we'd had her while I still had knees. But my parents were around the same age 39 and 45. We're financially very stable because we build careers and can afford to do things like Disney Cruises and similar vacations.

I think when you start to get into the second biological clock--dying of old age before they're grown, that's when you're too old.

Blackpoolforever · 09/07/2018 22:03

My mother was 34 when she gave birth to my sister in 1949. No IVF or anything then but perfectly normal after WW2.
. YANBU Go ahead and have a baby. Your parents etc. must be my generation or younger and yet seem so old-fashioned. Ignore them.

dorisdog · 09/07/2018 22:03

I was expecting you to say mid to late 40s!! Of course 34 isn't too old. Have a baby. Have lots of fun :-)

MrsElijahMikaelson · 09/07/2018 22:07

I was told when I was pregnant at 29 by my parents.

Tell everyone to piss off and keep their opinions to themselves.

34 is not too old, get TTC

Janus · 09/07/2018 22:17

I had my last a month before my 41st birthday, my god how on Earth in any world is 34 too old??!! You are a total spring chicken in my eyes!!

Bluefargo · 09/07/2018 22:21

I had my first at 38 and second at 40! Your mum sounds nasty.

hungrypanda2008 · 09/07/2018 22:29

It took years to get pregnant naturally and have a baby at 36, even tho I had been pregnant by the same partner at 28. Nobody commented, not even medical practitioners about my age. Tried again and after a miscarriage, finally got pregnant via ivf and had another at 42. The best thing ever! If you can do it and are up for it, age is not a barrier but it does get harder to conceive naturally for most as you get older. Ie late 30s/40s. Some women get caught unexpectedly in their 40s as our fertility clock starts to run out - almost like nature having one last go. Trust your own feelings and go for it now before you look back in 5 or 10 years time and regret not doing so. Other people's opinions will mean little to you then.

bubblegumunicorn · 09/07/2018 22:32

My mum was 38 when she had my brother and my step Day was 44 he’s now 61 with a 17 year old and he’s one of the coolest dads around they play gigs together! So in conclusion no you’re not too old I mean look at Rod Stewart he’s 72 and has an 8 year old 🙄

AvoidingDM · 09/07/2018 22:34

My too old is 42.
More to do with making sure you are able to support them through Uni / Apprenticeships / early career before hitting retirement age.

FairyFlake45 · 09/07/2018 22:45

Is this a serious post? How is 34 too old? I was 34 when I got pregnant, nearly 35 when I gave birth. It’s a perfectly normal age and I never felt older than most other Mums at school or anti natal classes. I thought you were going to say you were 50+. You are the perfect age to have children imo. In my 20’s I was concentrating on my career, getting on the property ladder, travelling and having fun. I hadn’t found the person I wanted to settle down with and have kids with. I always knew I wanted to be a.Mum, but only when I was in a stable and financially secure position (which, these days, is generally in your 30’s). If you want children, go ahead..you are definitely NOT too old! X

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/07/2018 22:48

I had my three when I was 36, 38 and 40, you are certainly not too old!

Pompom42 · 09/07/2018 22:50

Don't let them put you off. Honestly I was 33 when I had my first. It's defo not too old. Everyone does things differently. Some people have babies at 18/19 and start living a different life in their 40s once children have grown up. Some Start families in their 40s once they have a good career and a few nice holidays under their belt.
30s is a great age to start a family.

Kazziemb · 09/07/2018 22:51

Had mine at 48, holding him after he was born was so incredible, the most perfect moment I did not care what anyone had to say...everyone has an opinion but no one else is living your life...do what's right for you x

Kerala2712 · 09/07/2018 22:56

I had mine at 37.5, 39.5and third one will be a month before I’m 41. I met DH when I was 34. Good luck!

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