AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

34 is not old at all!! It's fairly normal these days

I'm 32 and I'm one of the youngest at the school gates. Most of the other mums I'd say were in their early forties (DD is 4 in nursery).

Had my first at 37, my second at 39. Would have liked a third but second c-section was slightly traumatic, not to mention we couldn’t afford it. My BFF had her first at 35, her second at 42.

I also know a lady who was so determined to be a mum she kept trying, with IVF she became a mum for the first time in her mid forties and again when she tried for a second baby with their final egg and a “what the hell let’s risk it” attitude. It was wonderful after all she and her DH had been through.

You’re definitely not too old. If it’s what you want OP, then go for it.

I am 39 and crocked after four kids physically. One of my friends is pregnant with her first and is terrified because of her age. She has the energy, stamina, health and figure I had in my twenties (ie before kids) and wouldn't listen that the only reason I coul have a kid now is because my body is in bits after 4! At 34 I had my third and hadn't even the slightest issue with baby/ health or body! Best of luck

@BlueBug45 Here is the current guidance on the topic from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecology as of 2014

Female Age Related Fertility Decline

which says in part:

The fecundity of women decreases during the reproductive years primarily because of continual oocyte atresia and becomes significantly compromised before the onset of perimenopausal menstrual irregularity. Based on this conclusion, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine make the following recommendations:

Education and enhanced awareness of the effect of age on fertility is essential in counseling the patient who desires pregnancy.

Women older than 35 years should receive expedited evaluation and treatment after 6 months of failed attempts to conceive or earlier, if clinically indicated.

In women older than 40 years, immediate evaluation and treatment are warranted.

That was based in part on this study published in 2012:

www.cdc.gov/art/ART2010/PDFs/ART_2010_Clinic_Report-Full.pdf which found

A similar trend has been observed in analyses of data derived from in vitro fertilization (IVF) embryo transfer programs in the United States. The percentage of IVF cycle starts that resulted in live births was 41.5% in women younger than 35 years, 31.9% in women aged 35–37 years, 22.1% in women aged 38–40 years, 12.4% in women aged 41–42 years, 5% in women aged 43–44 years, and 1 % for women older than 44 years

Because it's a curve you can draw the line where ever you like, but these data are not from 1700's France.

OP you are in no way too old, but do get going. I wish I had started a few years earlier but life interfered.

@GreenMeerkat my (younger) sister would relate to your situation. She has two grandchildren and all the mums at the school gate are nearer her age than to her daughter’s. DSis has made some very good friends, whereas my Dniece feels a little adrift when she does the school run.

I had my youngest at 40, I'm now 50 and still play football with him & I took him jet skiing last week for 2 hours . if you can conceive just go for it . Sorry haven't read all the replys as cooking

I’m 39 and pregnant with my third. I thought you was going to say late 40’s at least!!

I had my first (and last) child at 45. Is it tiring and exhausting working full time and being a mother - yes. Has it been worth it - yes. My husband never expected to be a father and now he spends his time trying to be a better person for his daughter. Tell your friends and family to go swing and do what you want to do. You have time.

You are not too old. I didn't have my first child till I was 38. Number 2 child came when I was 40. I just didn't meet the right man until I was in my thirties.

Wishing you all the best.

Women have always had babies right up until they couldn't... including in their 50's! It's only since reliable contraception became pretty much universally accessible in this country this became an issue. Where I live in London it's very, very common to have a baby/babies in your 40's... however having done it twice I am finding it hard on the energy front!

I had my first child at 36 and my third at 41......you're still young!

Not too old but mind that it will get harder and harder to fall pregnant naturally. So if you are sure maybe it's time to start acting on it.

The fact people think 34 is too old for kids is absolutely terrifying

Whoever said that to you is wrong. People do talk a whole load of all balls with a high degree of authority. 34 is pretty much the perfect age to start a family. There is a limit, but you’re nowhere near it. If I were you I’d get on the job right away! ;-)

(41 and pregnant here BTW).

You’re not too old but I’d get on with it.

Haven’t RTFT but I’m sure it’s full of anecdotal “success stories” like “ I had triplets at 102”.

Fact is it’s better to have dc by late 30s max, for a plethora of reasons.

I had my daughter naturally at 43! So you certainly aren’t too old. I did have 5 miscarriages and was first pregnant at 37.

Your fertility starts to decline once you reach 30 or so. It doesn't mean you're unfit to be a mum! Just don't postpone it too long, for some people it becomes more difficult to conceive. I wish you all the luck and happiness, send us a card will you! 🥂🎊 🍼

I didn't even have my 1st child till I was 31. Had 2nd at 33. So that's not too much out of your range. Stop talking to people about having a baby - just start trying now. I do find when you're pregnant there's always 1 with a stupid negative opinion. You're going to have to learn to tell them to shut up, or freeze them out

Agree with MadMags

I had my first at 35.
Your friends ABU

Totally depends on where you live / socioeconomic group IMO.
For example early to mid 30s for first baby is absolutely the norm where I live.
Where a colleague lives that is 100% considered an older mum and 26 is considered older to be having first baby.

But she lives in a predominantly working class area where people are born, raised, went to uni, work and die within a 10mile radius.

I live in a generally middle class area where not one of my ‘local’ friends are county born. We all moved away from home for uni and then through one job or another found ourselves here.

Definitely not too old. I’m 33 and my first is not one yet. A couple I know just had a baby at 40 (her) and 47 (him).
Don’t listen to what other people think, it’s not their life

Where do you live that people have such an out of touch version of the world? I'm very surprised that there's anyone under the age of about 90 that would think you are too old.

The baby prince was christened today, Kate is 36, did your Mum and friends all have the vapours over her?

I’m 43 with an eight month old!! You’re definitely not too old!

I was 42! Totally unexpected and no idea until 20 weeks- I've loved every minute
DD is almost 16 and every day is a new adventure- u never know whats coming next and we've had some fun when people thought i was grandma😃