AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

Age is a number. Your health, level of fitness and attitude matter much more

This is a bit misleading. Female fertility declines quite predictably with age, due in large part to declining egg quality. You are born with all the eggs you'll ever have so your ovarian reserve gets smaller and older over time. Ovulation becomes less reliable too.

www.babycentre.co.uk/a6155/your-age-and-fertility

That certainly doesn't mean you can't get pregnant over 35, but there's a reason why mothers older than that are are referred to as being of "advanced maternal age".

I only point this out because some women do seem to think that if they spend enough time at the gym and eat enough veg that they can hold off infertility indefinitely. That is unfortunately not the case.

Not too old! How do people think there used to be families of 12+ unless women had children well into their 30s?

Who are these 'family and friends' ?.......it's such a strange and clearly untrue thing to say that I'd question if they kind of have their own agendas planned for you in some way. Care of elderlies perhaps?

No way are you too old! I had DS at 35.

34 isnt too old and you are as young as you feel. Get cracking. Feel those who leave it until into 40s aren't really looking at how that will affect the offspring eg. when they are 20 parents will be 60. and it goes on the later you are at starting. Good luck.

Your not to old at all.. my mum had her last at 44

Maybe one’s perception of what is too old depends on location/surroundings. I had DC1 in London at 32 and was the youngest in my NCT group in W London. We then moved to the south west and I had DC2 at 38. Here I am definitely one of the oldest mothers around and I don’t care about that at all; but in London I think that would still be about average in certain areas.

I was 41 when I had my daughter. Of course 34 isn't too old, good God! My eldest nephew's mum was 47 when she had her 3rd child. I hope that shows that having children later is totally possible.

34 is not remotely too old to have a baby. I had mine at 36. My sister had her third at 42.

Please don't let them put you off. You will deeply regret it if you do. They don't know what they are talking about.

Good luck x

@MissConductUS as several posters have already pointed out on this thread that article like lots of other articles are based on statistics from 1700s France. No one knows knows the real age female fertility starts to decline rapidly mainly because there isn't sufficient research. (The menopause is also poorly researched as well.) The modern research they do have is based on couples with fertility problems particulary in the UK. So for example my family members who had children easily over 40 wouldn't be included in the research, but my friends' who had fertility treatment regardless of age in the UK would. Fertility consultants in the UK state anything from 38-42 as the age fertility declines rapidly but this is a guess. The main issue is if you have hidden fertility problems and leave TTC until late 30s then you have less time to sort issues out.

Also the NHS in the UK only regards you as an older mother if you are 40+.

My son was born when I was 34 (after 8 years of TTC). We were settled in our homes and jobs and had a bit more money, so it was actually a blessing in disguise

I had my first at 37. I was older than average for the mums I got up know at baby groups, nursery etc, but certainly not the eldest. I’d say 34 was about average.

I was 34 and 38 when I had mine and I'm prettty average age wise amongst my dcs friends parents. Mine are 16 and 12 now and I can certainly still keep up, I play rounders with them and go for walks etc etc. I can also discuss current trends and music.

Go for it!

Of course 34 is not too old. Your family and friends are odd to think that it is. Very odd.

However fertility starts declining around 35 so if you’re ready then start trying for a baby NOW!!!!!!! (that’s not to say you won’t be lucky and still be fertile in your 40s).

had all my (3) children in my 40s. The oldest (daughter) was meant to be a home birth, but ended up in hospital. The first son was a home-birth, the day before my 43rd birthday. I was 46 when I had my 2nd son at home. They've all been very healthy all their lives. I had been taking the pill on and off for more than 20 years. When I finished taking it, I became pregnant (with my daughter) within about 6 weeks

I’m 39 and 35 weeks pregnant my mum was 42 when she had me and I know of someone who was 48 and had a baby. 34 is not old. X

I had my first child at 29 another 4 children after I hit 35!

It’s nobody’a business or decision but yours. If you were 54 I might agree, at 44, I might think you need to get a move on, but 34 is still very young.

Nope not too old. I was 32 when i had 1st, 34 when i had 2nd.

My SIL had her 1st at 38 and 2nd at 39.

My friend had her DD at 37

34 is not too old. Just do it.

How ignorant can some people be thinking 34 is too old!!!!!!! I had my son around that age. Don't ruin your life and listen to them!

I was 41 and 43 when I had mine. Am not particularly old amongst other parents now mine are 10 and 12. 35 is fine. There’s a lot of parents that age and older.

Sounds like you need to extend your friendship group. I was mid-forties and DH mid-fifties when I had my first child. Early 30's is young in comparison.

I had my third and last 9 days after turning 31 because that's how we wanted it (and were lucky to conceive easily). I'm 45 now and definitely don't want a baby.
But that's because I've already done it and got the t-shirt NOT because I feel too old.
On another note though, I went through early menopause at 43, my sister was even younger at 38. Although these things run in families, our mum died young so we had no idea until it happened to us. Luckily we'd both completed our families but if you don't now what age your mum/aunts were, it might be an idea to find out, just in case you might need to get a move on, biologically speaking. Health/fitness-wise I'd say 50 was too old but never mid-thirties.

I’m 40 now and had my little girl 2 months before my 40th birthday. My mother keeps saying I am far to old to have a second! It’s hard when you feel you aren’t getting enough support. Women are having children in there late 30’s with no issues. Do what feels right to you. Remember advice is great but ultimately you make your own choices. Having my little girl was the best decision I have ever made! Good luck whatever you decide!

I'm pregnant with my first at 34. It took us a year to conceive but not for age related reasons

I'll probably try for another at 36/37

None of the midwives or other healthcare professionals have said anything about me being old, I'd say 34 is about average to be honest, it certainly is amongst my friendship group

Ok so if you were 10 years older then I'd think they may have somewhat of a point. At 34 I'd just say get a move on as your eggs deteriorate throughout your life so the older you get, the poorer quality more of your eggs will be. Me I had #1 at 42, #2 at 43 and #3 at 46 (!!) but I had to have a lot of miscarriages to hit the golden eggs. Good luck and I hope you have some supportive friends at least!