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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
TiredohsoTired · 09/07/2018 18:30

I have to agree with all the others. I had my twins at 38. I wasn't ready before then. You and only you can decide when you're ready to have DC. Good luck and have lots of fun ttc Flowers.

browneyes77 · 09/07/2018 18:32

@expatka

Thanks for that article link. Very interesting read!!

Query1 · 09/07/2018 18:33

I’m 38 and pregnant and my partner is 52 so if anyone is too old, it’s us, but we’re still very happy about it. You’re plenty young enough to start a family, and you should start trying asap as fertility dips after 35. Good luck!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/07/2018 18:36

Everybody is different! It would be too old for me but no way is 34 actually old.

pofiterole · 09/07/2018 18:38

I met my oh just before I turned 40 and had my son at 42. I'm 44 now and thinking about trying for a second. And I think the only real difference being older parents was it was more difficult to conceive, and I find it really hard to cope with the lack of sleep!

Ub12 · 09/07/2018 18:39

I had my first at 35. My cousin hers at 37. You are definitely not too old.

Newbabyat47 · 09/07/2018 18:43

I had a baby at 47 back in March. She is 17 weeks old and simply wonderful. I thought I may be the oldest swinger in my county but no, there was a 53 and a 54 year old who gave birth during my pregnancy (I didn’t met them so don’t know the circumstances, was just told by the midwives). It wouldn’t be recomnended to wait until mid 40s of course but my conception was completely natural.

I read recently that the highest number of first babies are born to 32 year old women at the moment so you are only just above average
and compared to me you are a spring chicken 😄.

Ignore the nay sayers!

tolerable · 09/07/2018 18:43

really?? I would stop giving a damn what they thought.you get one life,its yours..live it. do you control their choices?

gandalf456 · 09/07/2018 18:47

Whaaaaaat?

VerbenaGirl · 09/07/2018 18:48

That's far from too old! Fairly typical these days I'd say...

snailmum · 09/07/2018 18:48

I had my first child at 35 my second at 36 and my third at 38. Our first baby was born a week before our tenth wedding anniversary. Go for it and good luck xxx

Carriecakes80 · 09/07/2018 18:49

So, I had my first at 17 - was clueless, my second at 21, more clued up, loads of energy, but wished I had made myself a bit more financially stable first....had my 3rd at 26 and my fourth at 34, and both those pregnancies felt so much more relaxed. Trying again for baby 5 at 39! I will be more tired than I was at 17 & 21, thats a given, but I make good money now, I'm in a happy comitted relationship.. and no-one else has a bloody say in it. If I do have number 5 I will be over the moon, and I certainly won't feel too old!
My step mum had her first at 44! My beautiful little sister. She was tired, but I never saw her worry for one minute, too wrapped up in being happy to be a mum!
Do what makes you and your husband happy, I think its a perfectly fine age!! :-) xxxxxxxxx

tillytoodles1 · 09/07/2018 18:49

My gran was 49 when she had my mum, mum was 41 when my sister was born.

likeacrow · 09/07/2018 18:50

I was 35. Friends have had babies at similar ages. It's really not at all unusual to have babies in your mid 30s these days...
Is this a genuine post?!

Zoejj77 · 09/07/2018 18:50

Had my first at 39 I was trying from age 34! Get cracking girl ha ha

culleyace · 09/07/2018 18:50

I’m a long time lurker and had to come out of hiding to reply to you.
I didn’t want any children until I had a surprise pregnancy age 38 that ended in miscarriage.
I got pregnant again age 39 and had a beautiful baby girl 5 months after I turned 40.
I was convinced I was too old and said as much to my midwife who told me not to be silly it’s perfectly normal for women to have babies at my age.
Her oldest lady had just had her 1st baby at the age of 54.

LemonysSnicket · 09/07/2018 18:55

I don't even want to start trying until I'm 31 ... it's a normal age for today's world (though start sooner than later as your fertility will sadly drop)

wellhonestly · 09/07/2018 18:58

I was 36 and 38 when I had my 2 ... they are a joy.

Enthymeme · 09/07/2018 18:59

No such thing as too old. Age is a number. Your health, level of fitness and attitude matter much more. Sure there are increasing difficulties and risks as one gets older, but these need to be managed and should not be absolute barriers. I have an uncle who is 65 and has a 1 year old. My uncle is probably the only dad in the nursery doing marathons. His wife (second) is 45 and was gagging for a baby. She also does marathons. Every case on its merits.

Alleycat1 · 09/07/2018 19:00

A friend of mine has just had her first child at age 51. It wouldn't be my choice but she and her husband (quite a bit younger) are both over the moon.

MissConductUS · 09/07/2018 19:00

I had mine at 39 and 41. As others have said, if you want to have a baby start trying now. You are definitely not too old. And your English is fine.

Studentwife · 09/07/2018 19:01

I was 42 when I had my son. 34 is definitely NOT too old to have a child.
Sorry but anyone that says that is ridiculous!

Leontine · 09/07/2018 19:06

I echo what others have said. 34 seems average now.

I’m in my late 20s and few of my peers have children. No one from my old school friendship group does. The vast majority of those who do have children had them when they were very young (under 21).

Thisisconfusing · 09/07/2018 19:06

You are not too old. I’m 52 and my oldest DC is 14. I wasn’t ready / financially stable / medically fit enough to have children before then. I should add that I had IVF but that wasn’t age related - I had a genetic issue. Many of my friends from primary school are similar age to me +/-5 years. Oldest was 46 when she had her DT! I don’t think we can pretend that fertility doesn’t decrease as you get older because it does but the fact remains that 34 is definitely not too old. What you Might lack in energy ( and actually I didn’t find that an issue) the extra life experiences you have had will come in handy . I agree with PP I thought you were going to say you were much older. I wish you every success in having a family and hope that you will enjoy what it all brings - it will certainly bring new friends too which to be honest sounds like you need some . Good luck .

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/07/2018 19:12

Absolutely no way are you too old! I would say the perfect age actually.

I had my first at 29 (and felt too young!) and my second at 42 Smile