AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

Do you live in a small town? I found people a bit like this in my hometown, all married and kidded up in their early twenties. God forbid they get an education or travel or prioritise anything other than kids and mortgages! Meanwhile in the real world it's not unusual to have kids in mid 30's at all! Hence I had my first at 40. You do you, babes! Fuck 'em! They won't be buying the nappies or doing the night feeds so they can save their shitty opinions! GOOD LUCK!! X.

When I wrote too young, I meant too old, of course, sorry!

I wasn’t far off 37 and my age wasn’t mentioned once. You’re definitely not too old! Most people I knew were mid 30s to early 40s.

Had my first at 36 and my second (and third!) when I was 38. You are not too old

It’s not about being too old to be a mum - many “older” mums are much more ready emotionally to commit to parenting, have more life experience/patience etc. However the fact is that fertility declines rapidly from 36ish onwards and the statistics for difficulties increase. Of course there will be hundreds of mums who get pregnant easily and sail through with no problems, but it is just something to be aware of that it won’t necessarily be as easy as it might have been a few years before and if there are problems there is less time to address these.

DD born when I was 40, DS at 41. You are not too old.

I turned 40 when my son was a few months old. They're talking crap! Do you want to have a baby - how you and your DP feel about that is the only opinion that really matters.

34 is definitely not too old to have children. Most people I know were over 36 when they had beautiful healthy children.

My 50 year old boss and his wife 45 are having triplets. If you want a baby, then have a baby. It's nobody's business

You are definitely not too old, neither is your partner. You are a spring chicken compared to me when I has ds. Have children together if you want to. Good luck

I was a month off 35 when DS was born/ it felt a normal age to be having a baby.
The only thing I would say is we started ttc when I was 31 so it took a while but that wasn’t really age related.

I had my first at 34 and my second at 37. We’d been married 7 years and together 10 years. The time was right for us. Don’t listen to anybody that starts spouting rubbish. If you feel the time is right for you go enjoy it 😉

So...
I’m 28 now. I had my first son at 18 years old. (Pregnant at 17...gasp, shock, horror...he was planned)!! Married at 18 also, second son at 20!!
On the other end of that... I am also a midwife in the UK.
I therefore deliver babies from mommas who are 18 (sometimes younger- no judgment please, there are reasons for everything for these mommas) and I deliver babies to Mommas who are 40+.
If you’re generally healthy with a healthy BMI then age isn’t a huge factor - it is stigmatised.
There are slightly increased risks of chromosomal anomolies such as Down syndrome. However I have delivered babies who’s mommas are 18 and have Down syndrome. There’s an increased risk but also lots of screening tests available.
I see many mommas older than 34 who have happy and healthy children.
If you and your husband feel is right for you, then I wouldn’t worry about the opinion of others. From an obstetric point of view you can have a healthy bubba at the age of 34!! Do what makes you happy OP ☺️

I was 42 when DD was born. Average age of parents of her classmates is 44, so they'd have had children at 37(ish).

My friend just had her first, a few weeks before she's 41. Just make sure you take care of yourself!

Jeez. I had Ds1 when I was 35, DS2 when I was 38.

No way are you too old.

Had mine at 38.

I thought you were going to say you were 45 or something! Mid 30s is a great time to have a baby.
In any case, it’s actually no-one else’s business.

I was 36 and felt too young before that point. Am 44 now and don’t want another child but if I were to meet a new partner and it was a deal breaker, depending on how sure I was about him, I would consider trying again. Not sure why anyone is telling you you are too old, find that totally weird!

My mom was nearly 33 when she had me and 37 when she had my younger brother. I am 40 (nearly 41) and haven’t had the chance to have a child yet, but am hoping now me and my partner of 4.5 years are both ready that I’ll till have the time and eggs left to conceive.

So no 34 is in no way too old at all!

Thats nuts they are saying that to you! I only started trying for children at 34 and fell pregnant at 36.

fertility starts plummeting around 35.

That's not even true as it turns out. That figure comes from 1700s France!

Read: the 300 year old fertility statistics still in use today - BBC

www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24128176

I know women who have fallen pregnant accidentally at 47 and 49. Many experts now agree the real fall off point is more like 44.

We have been rather sold a lie with this 35 line. At 34, you are more than fine.

And seeing women on here my age having children is really giving me lots of hope that I still have time too.

You have years on me, so you go for it and dont listen to the naysayers. They’re not being very realistic or supportive.

Oh my word I can’t believe your family suggested your too old. Although it may be the same as my DM who ended up a GM at 34 as she had DC young as did my DSis. Anyway I have 4 DC. 1st 25 2nd 34 3rd 37 and 4th 44. You are definitely not too old!

Oh I hope not - I've just turned 34 and really want a baby with DP but it wouldn't be for a couple of years realistically.