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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
Kitty6 · 09/07/2018 17:33

No you're fine! I had my first at that age. I had another at 41 - I'm now 45 with a 3 yr old and I am much more tired than I was at 35. But that's just me...young kids are hard work!

Nikkibrad · 09/07/2018 17:39

I'd say 34 is a great age. Done a bit of living ready for the next stage of ur life. I had both my boys after 40,but am fit and active and so are my kids. Travelled around the world and work.

Yogagirl123 · 09/07/2018 17:42

My mum told me I was too old, I was 28!

TigerTooth · 09/07/2018 17:42

You're not too old but you'd better start soon as the chances of conception drop rapidly throughout 30's. Having said that I had my first at 31 and my last at 44!
I do feel a bit old with the youngest but then I get lots of help from my eldest two and having 6 is lovely.
But really - start soon or you may miss the chance as two of my gorgeous friends did and its such a shame, they did want to be mums but at 52 and 46 it won't happen now - they both had partners who they are still with and were just career focused and suddenly it was too late when they tried late 30's and it didn't happen.
Go for it - NOW! Best of luck.

zzzaaaccc1 · 09/07/2018 17:43

Was 37 when my son was born husband 45. 34 is a perfect age.
Where I live everyone is done and dusted with family by 25. But no way I was ready at 25.

LastGirlsFinishNice · 09/07/2018 17:43

First dd at 31 and second due at 33... YANBU! And definitely not too old to start trying. I was the second youngest in my NCT group out of 8. We ranged from 29-40 all on first babies. If you and your husband want want a child then crack on! 😊

Lillabet · 09/07/2018 17:45

Had my first at 33 and my last at 40, 34 is not too old at all!

Kazarooney · 09/07/2018 17:45

39 when I had my first after 5 years of trying. most of my sons peer group (6) are just turning 40 so 34 seems to be the prime age!

jennymac31 · 09/07/2018 17:45

It's probably already been said but you should just crack on with trying for a baby, as 34 is not old. I was 33 when I had dd and 37 when I had my ds.

Excited101 · 09/07/2018 17:46

I’m 32 and don’t even have a partner Sad

kayakingmum · 09/07/2018 17:47

I had my DD at 34. The way you wrote the first part of your message made me think you were going to say you are way older.

loveyouradvice · 09/07/2018 17:48

So hope you decide to do it ... most mums are in their 30s now.... I was 41... having tried for many years before we succeeded.

don't listen - and find those other older mums

kayakingmum · 09/07/2018 17:48

And my partner is 54.

Kyrie10 · 09/07/2018 17:49

My sister had her first at 40 and second at 44, I had mine at 23 and 25. My sister has more, patience, life experience and money than I had. I don’t regret having mine so early but can see the pros and cons of both.

HMC2000 · 09/07/2018 17:50

I didn't even meet my DH until I was 36! Had DD at 40. As far as fertility goes, I had a chat with a top fertility expert, and she said that fertility doesn't start to decline until around 38, so later than the magazines would have us believe.

Murphs1 · 09/07/2018 17:51

I had my first at 34 and my second at 36. I didn’t feel too old and don’t now either, my youngest has just turned 10. 😁

HMC2000 · 09/07/2018 17:53

Bugger posted too soon! She also said that the problem is that if you have any underlying problem with your or your partner's fertility, it won't come to light until you start ttc, so leaving it late to start does carry that risk. I think 34 is the perfect time to start!

MaiaRindell · 09/07/2018 17:53

I am 42. When my mum was my age, I was 19. I have a 12 yo and a 9 yo. Times change.

lily2403 · 09/07/2018 17:53

I was 40, I'm now 43 and trying again

Shutupsidney · 09/07/2018 17:54

I asked my doctor this at 37 and he laughed at me and said. If you can get pregnant, you're not too old.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2018 17:56

I saw the title... together 15 years.... was expecting at least late 40's!!!

You are the perfect age to have kids - perfect being defined by you wanting one and being as ready as you can be.

Happy practicing OP

Strongmummy · 09/07/2018 17:58

34 isn’t old. Enjoy getting pregnant !!!

keffie12 · 09/07/2018 18:00

Tell the people saying this, that when they pay your bills and live your lives then they can have an opinion on whether your too old or not. No you aren't too old. BTW. Many women aren't having babies until they are in their 30's now

Baubletrouble43 · 09/07/2018 18:02

LOL at that. I had my dts at 42! A friend of mine had her ds ( first child) at 46! They're talking shite!!

BolleauxtoBankers · 09/07/2018 18:03

No way is 34 too young, I've never heard the like! We were 39 when I gave birth to our daughter, and it doesn't matter one jot! We may not become grandparents as she is likely to decide not to have children, or we may be dead before she gets round to having children - but she is gorgeous, we are extremely proud of her and she has brought great joy to our lives! Good luck OP, if you are both happy to have children, you have a wonderful time to look forward to!