Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
twiglet · 08/07/2018 19:04

Your mum had you young and 34 years ago many people had children young. My mum had me at 30 and was told at the time that she was old.... I'm 32 and first trimester with my first. When I spoke to my midwife about my age due to risks with genetic conditions increasing with age she told me I'm still in the low risk bracket.
Your definitely not too old! Ignore the old fashioned attitude and go for it! Speak to your gp about the multiple MCs so that they can potentially monitor you a bit more if required.

G00ders1 · 08/07/2018 19:06

I’m 34 this month and pregnant with my first. My mum spent years telling me I ‘wasnt allowed’ to have children before I was 35 (she had me when she was 20, so wanted me to wait), then when I met DH (I was 17) she spent years asking when we were going to have children (after hassling us to get married, which we didn’t for a very long time). Other people have lots of views and opinions, and people want to share them with you - usually for a valid reason because they think they are being helpful. My point is that you cannot and should not try to please anyone. It’s a decision for you and your DH. Work to your own timetable, and do what feels best for you.

😊😊

bakedlikeabun · 08/07/2018 19:06

Of course you are not too old but if you want more than one I would suggest starting soon.

CPtart · 08/07/2018 19:09

My dF is 47 next month and 20 weeks pregnant with twins. Her other twins are almost 16!

shalo2 · 08/07/2018 19:46

Had my first at 29, my second at 39 and third at 43! Go for it 34 is soo young!

MarLil · 08/07/2018 19:50

Just do what you feel inside. I had my first at 34 and now a second daughter at 44. And loved every minute of the pregnancies and seeing them now growing.

Hippopotas · 08/07/2018 19:55

That’s crazy. I turned 32 this year and am only just thinking about having a child at some point in the next few years. DH is 34 I don’t think we are old!

Lisabel · 09/07/2018 10:52

Oh wow, if your Mum was 18 when she had you then that's why she thinks 34 is old!

Katedotness1963 · 09/07/2018 12:43

Had mine when I was 36 and 38. I had people tell me I was too old and was sure to die before they were grown up.

TistyTosty · 09/07/2018 13:05

All that matters is what you and your DH think!!!

My first marriage was childless due to fertility issues, we split when I was 36 and I thought that any chance of being a mum was gone. I then met my DH, it was a whirlwind romance and we were married within a year. I was 37 having dc1 and 40 having dc2.

Nousernametoday · 09/07/2018 13:32

My Mum had me at 38 (my Dad was 21 but that’s another story Grin) and my Sister, who turns 43 this year, recently said to my Mum “When I have my first...” so clearly she’s planning on having kids too, which probably raises quite a few eyebrows.
It’s completely up to you and DH Smile

OurMiracle1106 · 09/07/2018 13:33

My mum was 41 when she had me and my dad late 50s so nope definitely not too old!

Spotsandstars · 09/07/2018 13:36

Get going on the baby train lady!!!! You are not too young!

DistanceCall · 09/07/2018 14:05

34 too old to have children???? Are they on glue or something??

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/07/2018 14:11

SpotsandStars rtft and you might realise how crass your statement is.

FrenchJunebug · 09/07/2018 14:17

I was 43 when I had my son. The majority of women I know had a child around 34.

IhopeyoulikeNavantoo · 09/07/2018 14:19

34 is not too old at all but I would agree with others on the thread and say start trying now. I had my dc at 33 but have suffered from 2ndary infertility since then and I am 37. My friend, who is the same age, has one and is also struggling. I am delighted for everyone who can get pregnant into their 40s but the truth is not everyone can and if you want one I would try soon.

MombieMumbles · 09/07/2018 14:19

I had my first at 37 and am nine months pregnant with my second, at 41. The only guide your need to concern yourself with is yourself. If you're in good health you've time. So many women are waiting until their late 30s for many reasons.

Rockandrollwithit · 09/07/2018 14:20

YANBU

I had my DCs at 28 and 31, perfect timing for me and DH. Everyone's 'perfect timing' is different.

stevie69 · 09/07/2018 14:23

50 is too old.

Definitely possible, though .... Shock

Caroelle · 09/07/2018 14:26

The idea that fertility plummets after 35 has been based on very old research and largely disproved. Whilst you would love to be a mum, would your husband love to be a dad?

AlwaysWantedToBeATenenbaum · 09/07/2018 14:41

I had my first DS at 33, I'm away to turn 35 in November and we're away to start TTC. You are not too old and anyone who tells you so is a total arse.
There were 6 of us in our ante natal group - the youngest was 30.

Topseyt · 09/07/2018 14:52

Not too old at all at 34. They are talking bollocks.

I had my third and final baby at 36. She is now almost 16.

Women have babies well into their forties now. It isn't uncommon at all.

Go for it if both you and your husband want a baby.

TiltedTowers · 09/07/2018 14:54

That's a very strange reaction!!

Littlefeather · 09/07/2018 17:31

Hahahahhahhahahahha! Too old.

I appreciate there are many areas where the vast majority of folks have their family complete by 30. There’s nothing wrong with that at all and there are many advantages to kids being grown up and leaving home (if you’re lucky) well before your 50th birthday.

There are also plenty of areas where the average age to start a family is probably over 35.

My DH turned 50 this year and is a fab Dad to our 4 year old and far healthier in himself and more engaged with being a Dad than many folks I know I’m their 20s.

I’m sure your children would be very loved & cared for, go for it 😀