To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

Those that are saying ‘better safe than sorry’... well in this case it doesn’t really mean anything because she didn’t achieve anything by challenging him, did she? He is still somewhere with that child.

Good for you! Too many people are scared to get involved these days or question things they don't feel comfortable with.

Everyone saying you were brave and did the right thing... can any of them say without a shadow of a doubt that that child wasn’t being abducted.

Op started to do the right thing, but they didn’t follow through.

I have DD6 and DS5 they are no angels, and I think it was brave of you. Nowadays nobody cares what goes around him/her. What IF ...

I don't think you're a nutter, don't take any notice of the ones on here who think you are, you're the one who has to live with your conscience and the consequences of your decisions not a bunch of unknown people on the Internet.

It is hard to know what to do or say if you think something isn't right. I told my dc to shout I don't know this man/woman if anybody ever tried to take them, as I thought at least it would get people's attention, I guess I was lucky they never used it on me like the friend of a pp 😬

Whilst the man would unlikely confess to being a kidnapper, if he was the child would likely say it wasn't his dad, or ask for help?

I wouldn’t want to live in a world where your approach was normal. Child abductions are so incredibly rare and there was nothing out of the norm going on, it was an unnecessary and OTT reaction.

YANBU. I'd be appreciative if someone questioned me in that situation. Maybe not at the time, but later at least

you're the one who has to live with your conscience and the consequences of your decisions not a bunch of unknown people on the Internet

But how are the consequences here any different to the consequences if she hadn’t confronted him? Whether the child is his or not, he still has the child. Confronting him achieved nothing.

You are a total nutter and should have minded your own business.

Welcome to the world of vigilantism where everyone thinks it’s ok to stalk, take photographs of people they dint know ‘just in case’.

Going to see the guy and taking a photo was useless.
Eitherbyu think therebis really something wrong and you report it (with the risk of looking like a nutter and wasting the police and SS time unnecesserally). Or you dint and there is really no need to make a point the way you did.

You also do realise that people doing that only help in reinforcing the idea that fathers shouldn’t be doing any parenting (as it exposes them to be taken for a paedophile)

People did stop James Bulgers killers. They replied he was their brother and had fell and hurt himself and were going to take him home to their Mum.Not sure what else could have been done, although I'm sure they wish they had further questioned!

I don't think you are being unreasonable either. Your instinct told you something was not right and you acted on it. So you trusted your instincts and pissed off a stranger - if I was that stranger I would have actually admired the fact you had the balls to check my child was OK. Most people would not have. You only held him up for a few minutes - not a huge deal to his day.

I guess I was lucky they never used it on me like the friend of a pp

Actually I think your DH, their FATHER is lucky that they have never used it in him. Can you not see how this could snowball into something really bad for you and him??

Whilst the man would unlikely confess to being a kidnapper, if he was the child would likely say it wasn't his dad, or ask for help?

This. You were equipping the child with the knowledge that someone would care enough to help if they needed it.

Also, this...

You did the right thing! If they were not legitimate they would have put the child down and run off because you would have been able to identify them.

Stuff like this is why men want the kid to have their surname.
I can't see that their respective surnames affected this scene at all, in any way. Unless you meam that you'd then have the DC and their father tattooed with their surname, so that strangers can verify it if the child seems upset!?
However, I don't think you behaved badly OP - I've taken careful note of the description of a woman I saw in a shop, buying a new outfit for a child who was very upset, and asking for her mummy. Surely the differences in the scene, for a parent or an abductor with an upset child, are quite subtle, and as a parent, I would always have understood if someone seemed concerned. Has nothing to do with the sex of the adult.

I don't think you are a nutter and like a PP said what would have to happen for someone to intervene?

In cases of possible children abduction it is always better to be wrong than not and TBH he probably was her dad and she was having a massive tantrum but it's nice you cared so much.

Whilst the man would unlikely confess to being a kidnapper, if he was the child would likely say it wasn't his dad, or ask for help?

The child was crying and distressed.

Next time you post don't mention who was carrying the child then people may start to think about the actual purpose of your post instead of leaping on the its because it was a man bandwagon....at no point did the op say she would have been okay if it was a woman she just stated a fact (unless I'm blind, but it is very hot).

There are people of both sexes trying to abduct children but in my area men in cars/vans does seem to be the most common report issued by the schools about 4 times a year.

I have a feeling that those who say your mad would also ignore children beating up another, a woman slapping her baby and a pensioner looking lost and confused. They would probably be too scared to approach a lost child for fear of accusation too (seen loads of people watch but do nothing).

Well done you at least if it was dodgy the man is unlikely to carry it through and may well abandon the child rather than have his face plastered all over the news. If he's genuine I'm sure he's more annoyed at his child's behaviour and the attention it brought.

I think it would be foolish to believe that kids will always scream if they're kidnapped. They might just be happily walking off to see the puppies or whatever. It's not wrong to check but it's not an effective strategy. Kidnapper might be a fluent liar.

I think you’re a bit of a drama llama and if you’d stopped and questioned me you would have got a right mouthful. What did you do with your photograph?? Send it straight to the police? Post it on fb? No? Thought not. If you had genuine concerns you would have done something, but you didn’t, so you’re posting on here in the hopes of being how brave and virtuous you are 🙄

Most child abductions are carried out by the father or mother, so it's not the right question anyway...

The child was crying and distressed

The OP stated that the child carried on crying. If my DC (whilst under about age of 6) were with their dad i think it's unlikely they'd stop crying but I'm pretty certain if they weren't with their dad and had therefore been shouting and screaming to attract attention they'd have specified what was wrong if an adult intervened.

@ALongHardWinter

I think the OP is getting a lot of stick for questioning him 'because he was a man',and say she wouldn't have said anything if it had been a woman. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of this situation,the bottom line is that the vast majority of abductors and murderers ARE men

THIS ^ in spades. I can't believe some of the shit I am reading on here. Having a go at the OP for being concerned about a screaming kiddie who seemed to be in distress.

I wouldn't give a fuck if a MAN was offended; if I had the slightest doubt in my mind about if a child was in danger, I would intervene. And I HAVE done before. I won't go into detail, but on a few occasions I was right to intervene.

Honestly, the people on this board sometimes!