To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

Nothing wrong with your actions OP

these things are impossible to judge.

As a foster carer I have carried many screaming kicking childrren who don't know me.

30 years ago, I carried a photo ID card, with details of the council department I worked for on it, because I was challenged readily.

That dies out, in the last decade I haven't even be challenged once.

I think a photo of the man and the registration plate is harmless, non intrusive and relatively safe thing to do.

Challenging directly is pointless, unless you are prepared to physically restrain him if you are not satisfied with his answers.

FWIW I don't think you're a nutter, and I do appreciate your motives were good, but I don't know what you expected to happen.

I think you did the right thing OP even if it was just a gut feel, with the amount of children that have been carted off in broad daylight, if just one person would have done what you did it could have been a different story. I'd not think you were bonkers at all if I was stopped carrying a screaming, wriggling child, just grateful there were people like you if the worst happened.

In the James Bulger case a woman did stop the two boys as she was concerned that James had an injury to his face and was crying. They told her he was their brother and they were taking him home to their mum.

Sometimes you have to act on your gut feeling and there must have been something a little off about this situation to challenge him?

The poor guy was probably stressed and embarrassed at his child having a noisy public tantrum without someone directly implying they must be some kind of predatory kidnapper. Would you have acted the same if it were a woman?

i think you did the right thing;x

YANBU. People are acting like you tazed him. I'd rather offend a man than let a child be kidnapped.

This stuff, like checks for abuse, is for our own good. We wouldn't want someone overlooking our children, so we have to accept concern for what it is: concern. Again, it was a question and a photograph, not physically tackling him or kidnapping the girl herself!

Shame no one did the same as you did today when someone was carrying off Madeleine McCann.

You did right. The odds are that he IS her dad - but if he hadn't been, the fact that someone had challenged him may have made him leave her alone. Obviously he wouldn't admit he was a paedophile even if he was, but he wouldn't want anyone being able to give a good description of him to the police if anything came of it.

I know people are saying you should have minded your own business, but that's how abductors get away with it a lot of the time, isn't it?

You did the right thing.

"Reading the comments here I’m starting to realise how as a society we’ve learnt nothing from the bystanders in the James Bulger and Sarah Payne cases. Child protection is everyone’s responsibility."

What specifically about this example would raise child protection concerns? And could you remind me who the bystanders were in the Sarah Payne case that didn't intervene when they could have done?

What do fathers need to do to demonstrate that they are not child abducters in this circumstance?

I'm surprised at the replies you've had. I think you were right to ask, but I'm not sure I'd have been brave enough.

YANBU. At all. Agree with a PP that child safety is everyone's responsibility.

What does it matter if the OP wouldnt have questioned a woman?

Well just because these crimes are mostly done by men,should we let women go unopposed? Women still commit these crimes a d if its the actual behaviour that is fishy and not because he is a man a woman shouldnt go unchecked either.

What if she was a kidnapper you just let go unopposed without questioning??

Yanbu

I’d have absolutely no issue with somebody challenging me in that situation. I’d rather that than think someone could walk away with my screaming daughter without any challenge.

It was a daft thing to do. If he wasn't her dad, he wouldn't answer your question honestly, would he? If you were truly worried you could have followed him perhaps. I might be wrong, but I've got a bit of a whiff that you might have actually been motivated more by the prospect of shaming the guy than anything else. You point out a couple of times that he was carrying her "against her will". Do you have a problem in general with a carer carrying a child against their will?

Yesterday my autistic 6 yo went to the chippy with his dad, it wasn't the one he usually goes to - that was closed - and he wasn't very happy about it at all. He screamed the shop down and then flung himself down in the middle of the main road on the way back over to the car. Dh picked him up completely against his will and carried him kicking and screaming back to the car. I never imagined that somebody might think he was actually abducting him! What a hurtful suggestion that could present: 'your child is so unhappy with you that I can't believe they're even yours, so much so that it's actually more likely to me that you're a psycho child-abductor...'.

You know what, people would be criticising you if something had gone wrong and you HADNT said something.

Well done to you. I was asked once when carrying my screaming 2 year old girl after she had a tantrum in the supermarket. I wasn't offended just stressed and said yes who else would put up with this shit
The woman just laughed and said I felt I had to check you never know these days.

I find what usually happens if one of mine kicks off, is I get verbally attacked by strangers, almost exclusively women, who call me a bully.

I think you were brave and sensible. I don’t think it has anything to do with fact it was a man.

For those who are accusing the OP of being a stalker, read up on the kidnap, rape and murders of Susan Maxwell and Caroline Hogg in the 1980s.

I know it’s extremely rare, but I rather look like a nutter whilst challenging an innocent person, than a cowardly fuck who though it best just to leave things be.

You did the right thing! If they were not legitimate they would have put the child down and run off because you would have been able to identify them.

I think the OP is getting a lot of stick for questioning him 'because he was a man',and say she wouldn't have said anything if it had been a woman. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of this situation,the bottom line is that the vast majority of abducters and murderers ARE men.

I still can’t understand the point. If you were that concerned, why did you leave it after he said he was? And what answer did you expect to get when you asked? He was hardly going to say ‘no, I’m just snatching her’.

Somebody once did this to my husband in a park. My youngest is pale, blonde and blue eyed (inherited my genes!) and my husband is dark skinned and of middle eastern origin.

The person who approached him and (quite rudely) asked if he was 'sure that was his son' genuinely upset him and has given him insecurities that last to this day, almost ten years later. Please be very sure there's a problem before you stick your beak in.

In my opinion YABU.

I don't think you're a nutter.

Those telling the OP she is a nutter what would it take you to intervene in a situation you thought was potentially dodgy? Or do you just assume it couldn't possibly be a child being taken against their will?