To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

oh god, thats the last thing a parent struggling with a tantrumming child needs. A fucking do gooder sticking their oar in.
How would you have proposed to get hold of the child if he did turn round and say "nope, youre right, its a fair cop guv, I was kidnapping her"

All the people calling you a nutter need to remember Jamie Bulger. You did the right thing, wish there were more people like you. Well done.

No but it wasn't clear to onlookers that the boys with James Bulger weren't his brothers. The woman who stopped them knew he wasn't related to them - she is the one who should have said, "I'll sort this out for you" rather than let them go on their way. They said they were taking him to the police station - I've no idea why she didn't intervene. I know she couldn't have suspected them of such atrocities but she could have thought it was something for an adult to do rather than two young lads.

Well done OP for having the courage to question. If more people were prepared to spare 5 seconds when faced with a situation that makes them have some concern then actually many crimes may not have happened or would be solved more quickly.
As a parent I would not mind someone just trying to make sure a child was ok. Why would I? The same applies for other possible crimes or out of ordinary situations ie burglar/unknown person in a neighbour's garden, suspicious person on a street corner, child looking worried and beibg alone etc etc. Most situations probably have a perfectly reasonable explanation. A small proportion don't and the simple knowledge that someone has noted them can alter what happens.
Turning a blind eye is the easy option.

The kid probably got treated worse because they 'created a scene and got people involved'

It’s 2018, not 1988! The dad wasn’t even mad with the child as far as we know - all kids have tantrums. Not all parents work on the ‘wait til I get you home’ philosophy.

Super weird. I’m mixed race and my white husband has this alllll the time with our super tanned dd. I also get the weird concerned member of public check on me as she’s not the same colour as me either. I often wonder what exactly someone thinks when they say sure ok just checking you weren’t an actual kidnapper...

Toddlers have tantrums. Shocker. I can’t see how what you did actually helps anyone. If the dc had actually been kidnapped what do you think your imaginary criminal would have done? Shit hands up, you got me. So ridiculous.

The responses here are bloody ridiculous. The only people who’d be reassured by this thread are those planning a snatch a child in the near future...

Of course if you’re concerned it’s right to ask. I’m appalled at people saying they’d give someone a mouthful if they asked - wouldn’t you rather people were looking out for your child?

And some are spectacularly missing the point - of course a kidnapper wouldn’t admit it, but they’d likely put the kid down afterwards and make a run for it since they know there’s a witness who can identify them.

You did the right thing, wish there were more people like you.

So the right thing to do if you think a child is being abducted is to take a picture and then post about it on Mumsnet while the guy goes merrily on his way with the child he snatched? If you lived near me you'd see me carrying a squirming flailing toddler on a regular basis when she's refusing to walk yet doesn't want to be carried.

My friends child was snatched by her abusive ex husband she ran back to her solicitors where she had just been told she couldn't prove DV and he would get unsupervised contact with the kids he followed her dumped the kid in reception ran to the office attacked her infront of the solicitor and another client causing a scar she has to this day ran out looked for the child couldn't see her the Secretary was on the phone to the police by this time and he ran off what had happened was Secretary had hidden the child under her desk to keep her safe from her own father

And he didn't get the access he wanted by the way so he didn't bother with them for years after

If you feel something is off challenge it take a picture delete it when/if it comes to nothing because one day it might be something

Reading all the messages now!

I want to think I would have done the same if it had been a woman, but to be honest, I can't prove it, so what's the point in arguing.

I wasn't going to do anything at first, but the child was screaming, didn't have her shoes and I had this bad feeling... I though... "what if?". What is for a moment of me not wanting
to confront that grown up something horrible happened to the child. And yes, I thought of little Maddie, but also remembered my own daughter throwing horrible tantrums at that age... all these in a few seconds! It all happened very quickly, of course it was a stupid thing to ask him directly. Next time I'll stalk discretely.

Fingers crossed I was wrong in my gut feeling. And hope there isn't a next time.

Switching off now, thanks to everyone for your replies.

Personally I think you did the right thing. Can you imagine if you did nothing and your instincts were correct. You were wrong in this instance but nothing to to feel bad about....

Oysterbabe - er no, the right thing to do is challenge. Which is what the op did! And as others have said, a woman dealing with a 'squirming flailing toddler' is less suspicious than a man doing the same. Sad but true.

A person who is commiting any crime if questioned during that crime and potentially photographed or now in a situation where someone can describe them is very unlikely to carry on with that crime. Any crime.
It is one of the founding basis of Neighbourhood Watch. Successful Neighbourhood Watch areas have lower crime rates.
I agree child abduction is extremely rare but the same basis applies to many daily crines like burglary, car theft/break ins, fly tipping etc.

I don't understand why people are mentioning MM or Sarah Payne. Neither of them were abducted in front of any witnesses. Sarah Payne was abducted in seconds with her family just moments away. No one saw what happened to MM at all, and she was alone (with her siblings) in a hotel bedroom.

you did the right thing . There is no harm done. I think its better to make a fool of myself ( have done similar) than stand back and do nothing.

Stop giving OP a hard time.

Nobody challenged Jamie Bulger's murderers, no one stopped whoever took MM.

Fuck off crazy lady I would also think their was a racial element as my dh is white and my children are mixed raced

Children often don’t want to do as their told amdnoften have to be taken kicking and screaming

No wonder men won’t go into teaching ext

the comment about men and teaching is beyond stupid.

James bugler was a 2 year old crying by himself with two ten year olds. That's not a common scenario and it's odd and unfortunate no one stop.

OP saw a toddler screaming at his dad, how the hell is that comparable?

OP you did right, no harm from checking, if someone had asked, Jamie B May have survived. Always check. Man, women or child.

I dont see the big deal. OP saw something that didnt sit quite right and she paused to take a second look.

I'd have no problem if someone asked me, rather be safe than sorry.
Go with your gut instincts.

At least 2 people did check on Jamie B. The boys abducting him lied. Just asking the question achieves nothing.

Not a nutter at all - very brave and caring action .

So is the idea that people should call the police if they see a child tantrumming being carried or dealt with by an adult? Is that the appropriate child protection response?