To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

I saw my friend one day with her son who was kicking off massively. She had him in her arms but he was screaming "Help me. I don't know this lady. Please help me" I obviously knew he was hers so didn't say anything but I can't believe the amount of people she passed who didn't bat an eyelid. I think I'd have followed discreetly in your case.

And yes i know it wouldnt have helped in this situation exactly. But anytime theres any issue theres no doubting, the woman is jist assumed to be the mother.

I think you were grossly inappropriate. A child having a tantrum is not a reason for a busybody stranger to confront someone. If you did that to me or my husband and attempted to address my child you would have got a very impolite response. How dare you?

Please tell me I'm not a nutter, No can do, sorry

I think the consequences when we don't try and help could be far worse. Much, much worse

So even though it was a bit nutty if something felt wrong you should have enquired. Maybe not that question exactly, but checking the child was okay.

I'd probably be annoyed if that was my husband, but I'd be absolutely devastated if my DS or DD were taken from me.

Im sure you must have seen a fair few tantrumming children and their parents while out and about.
Im also sure that there must have been something 'off' in the scenario today to make you feel you had to speak up for the child. Im not sure about speaking to the adult but you were brave enough to do so and take a photo which hopefully will not be needed in a missing child enquiry. James Bulger was crying all the way on the journey to his death and no-one did anything to stop it.
You did the right thing as you read it and if it wasnt necessary theres no harm done.

I8toys that's my thoughts too.

Isn't it better safe than sorry?

I think you did the right thing. You saw it, it occurred to you that something might be wrong and so you checked it out. You’re not a nutter!

What difference does it make if the op wouldn't have questioned a woman?

Aren't the majority of stranger child abductions/rapes/murders committed by men?

I think the op did a good thing...something we would all want a stranger to do if it happened to be our child being carried off by a stranger.

I suppose if something really seems off, it's best to check, but I'm not sure asking him is the way to do it. What was he going to say?

Ffs it's nothing like the Bulger case where a tiny toddler was being led away by 10/11 year old boys. This was an adult man with a child having a tantrum. What are fathers supposed to do if their child is tantrumming and they need to carry them?

You asked, you didn't seem to get a satisfactory answer but you left it.

Did you think your actions through?
Unless you were going to persist and follow them to see what was going on, it was just bonkers to approach him.
You achieved nothing if I have understood you correctly.

30 years ago my husband was chatting to our 4yr daughter as she played on a slide in Mothercare. A customer called the police; an officer came into the shop to question my husband and then our daughter about whether they knew each other. There's a strong family resemblance anyway. But my husband had a beard and long hair, apparently making him highly suspect.
'He's my DADDY, silly' she said.

Why did you let it drop op? If you had courage in your convictions surely you would have followed them?

Not a nutter at all. And very brave. I'd like to think that, in the man's shoes I'd have realised how it must look and gone to pains to reassure you.

Even if it was untoward the adult is unlikely to say,actually yes I’m a bounder & kidnapper

YANBU in my opinion to check, but maybe saying 'is everything OK' or something else to guage reaction would have been better.
Then could've led into a quick less hostile conversation.

I would think if it was a kidnapping then he would be going extremely quickly and probably trying to keep out of busy areas so if he was just walking along normally then YABU if you said if in a hostile way.

Probably saying 'aww what's wrong, is she your daughter?' Rather than a blunt 'are you her dad?' Would have come across as less of an accusation. (If you did say it blunty)

I think you're getting a hard time on here.

I don't think you're a nutter.
I think you're a product of our times, where we are aware that not everyone has the best intentions towards children.
Maybe an offer of help would have been a better way to approach the situation.

Not a nutter. I would have asked. Better to ask and risk offence than say nothing and find out later that a child was abducted. I also wouldn't mind being asked. People on MN and especially those on AIBU are are spectacularly naive about risk to children.

You did the right thing.

God. When my two year old has gone one of her Rumpelstiltskin red rages on and I'm grappling with her and sweating and trying not to get my eyes poked out, for someone to come up to me and start questioning if she's my child I think I'd swing for them. And I am so not like that. Of course she's my fucking child. Trust me, if she wasn't I'd leave the little gremlin in situ and be firmly walking in the other direction, pitying whomever her parents were.
And I'd be even crosser if someone asked if of my husband because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't ask it of me as I'm a woman.

You did the right thing.
If it was me & my DD in the above situation then yes at first I would be a bit annoyed with you for questioning if I was the parent, but then I would realise your motivation & be ok with it.
Better to be safe than sorry.

YANBU

Reading the comments here I’m starting to realise how as a society we’ve learnt nothing from the bystanders in the James Bulger and Sarah Payne cases. Child protection is everyone’s responsibility.

Sorry I also instantly wondered if you'd have done the same if it was a woman and child.

Although I don't think what you did was wrong, you were concerned and looking out for that child in case it was a worst case scenario.

I would not have been at all upset if you had done this, and neither would my ex. In fact, 2 teen boys stopped my ex once, while he was carrying our eldest out of Asda during a mahoosive tantrum. He thanked them for being concerned and civic-minded. Also, eldest shut up