to get annoyed by parents bragging about their kids on FB

[Neffertitty]

I know FB is a place where you should be able to say whatever you want to but there are a couple of parents at my DS's school who have to do a long braggy monologue about their kids acheivements and what treat they will be buying them and how proud they are.

This is not for the kids, it's to brag to other parents "Oh I am so clever producing such supremely talented and clever beings".

My DS does ok but at times struggles and it's a constant battle trying to get him through the school year. He never wins any prizes at school, is never top of the class. He feels it at prizegivings and it affects his confidence. I know there are clever kids out there and good for them but it's really tough having it shoved down your throat on FB.

I realise the answer is to block them but I just needed a rant before I do that!!

Some people can be a bit OTT on the bragging on FB but I've seen plenty of friends post something like 'I'm so proud of DS for getting through the year he doesn't find school the easiest but works hard' or something and get lots of nice comments.

People can post what they like on Facebook and it’s a bit OTT to block them for posting about their kids, maybe unfollow them if it bothers you that much?

My child is terrible at football, so should I block anyone who’s child is on the team?

Should I not post when my child does well in the sports that he is good at?

Should I block the people who go on holiday to the Maldives or wherever because I can’t afford it?

Mind you I did roll my eyes at the mum who posted a gushing review of their child’s report when in actual fact he’s the school bully and one of the reasons DS left that school.

I share things about my children on FB. I shared how proud I was about their exam results, and how proud I was that we were the only family in the school that bothered to make shoe boxes for underprivileged children, and I share a lot about their kindness towards animals.
I also post some of the 'dumb' things they say.

You can tell which children did well in their exams by the parents' posts - if they fail the posts read something along the lines of "so proud of X, at least you sat your exams, babe."

My fb friends can brag away all they like, i enjoy seeing posts of their children’s achievements. Likewise I share proud moments of my two. They aren’t super achievers with specific talents at the moment but I celebrate the small successes. My youngest son has survived cancer and has faced many, many challenges since then. This impacts on our whole family. I no longer wish for outstanding, high achievers just happy, kind, fun loving and alive little poppets.

I don't mind the odd Facebook thing about children's achievements, that is fine, but when its the same person bragging on a daily basis on how her Einstein has gone up 3 reading levels in one go, and that he has been invited to 4 parties in one month, how popular and well liked he is, whilst my special needs ds in the same class is struggling academically and socially, it starts to grate. I have deleted her and its so much better.

I used to do this. I thought I was just keeping a lovely record of my dds achievements but I realised it pissed people off. I still do it but I have privacy settings so that only me, dh and my parents and ILS can see the posts.

Mine was sporting achievement I would never brag about academic or social stuff. Don't know why!!

That’s the whole point with people being on FB they want to talk all about themselves and their lives. I think it’s kind of nice they are saying how proud they are of their kids. A lot of children grow up never being told by a parent they are proud of them.

If she said she is excited that she is going on a trip to the Maldives or is buying a luxury car, would you see that as bragging too? Basically doing better or having something you don’t own will be seen as bragging in your eyes. You need to stop comparing your life to others and be happy for people instead of being jealous. You will be much happier for it.

There were a few raised eyebrows over one mum who put her child’s complete report on FB this year. Photos of both pages, so we could all see all the gushy things the teacher had said about her. It was an absolutely stellar report and I’d have burst with pride over it too.

I did point out to one demoralised friend that the mum in question has more than one child and I have never seen a mention of the sibling or his reports.

I am usually pleased to see how friends' kids are getting on with things. They're usually things that they'd tell me in person if we were out for a drink, so given we live too far away for a drink it's lovely to hear or even better see pics of little Fred with his brass band/certificate/head boy badge. It's noticeable on FB like in real life (and MN!) that more fuss is made if we all know it's something a DC has struggled with. I think that's lovely too. So if you're feeling ugh my child will never achieve xyz maybe try posting occasionally something they manage that's amazing for them. Bet your friends will be so chuffed for them. Or don't, I mean, no one has to use FB any particular way. Or at all.

I guess the beauty of Facebook is that you can unfollow them, or delete them which I did. So the mum can brag to people who really do care for her dc achievements.

It is easy to say when your kids are doing fine at school, and not struggling academically or socially. To have a parent regularly post her very bright and popular child's achievments 3 times a week on Facebook, when you have 2 kids with special needs who are on the other end of the scale, is grating, and it hurts.

I just see it as pointless. I feel no emotion for children's achievements (other than my own) so I don't post my childrens. I don't think anyone other than family really gives a shit.

My thoughts on this? Absolutely, it's bragging. Of course you can be very proud of your child. You should be. You should tell them that. But the only reason to post on social media is to let a large number of people know of that pride and those achievements. Does their knowledge increase that pride or magnify those achievements? No. Then the only purpose it serves is showing off.

Why should any parent not talk of their child's achievements because another child doesn’t do as well? Well, let's extend this point a little. Why shouldn't I talk about how much money we have because someone else might be struggling? Why shouldn't I talk about my robust health when someone else is ill? Answer? Because it isn't always very kind to do so.

The problem with social media is that you don't/can't apply the filters you would in real life. If I'm having a coffee with another rich private school mummy type, I'm very happy to talk about expensive trips I've taken the kids on, or holidays we've had and why they were great. But to do that with my recently divorced friend, who's struggling for cash at the moment and whose kids won't get much of a holiday this year because she's working every hour? That'd be tactless and crass in the extreme. Similarly, I have one friend whose DD, like mine, is a very advanced reader. If I see her, she will often ask for book recommendations and the like. But if our other friend was there, whose little boy has been having problems at school and is currently undergoing testing, this wouldn't form such a large part of the conversation. Does the other friend know her son isn't reading anywhere near as well as our kids? Of course she does. But it isn't tactful to bang on about the fact while she's there. It's just having respect and concern for others.

Enjoy what you have. Be proud of your kids and encourage them hugely. But why feel the need to tell everyone else about it? Is the approval of others really that important? And even if it is, can't bragging make people dislike you as often as it makes them admire you? Judging your audience is key.....and social media doesn't usually allow you to do that.

With you OP - it’s one thing to say ‘so proud of my child, has achieved X, so glad after all their hard work’ with a picture, it’s another to say ‘couldn’t stop the tears tonight, my darling angel has proved themselves once again for getting (insert generic certificate all kids in the schools get to ensure that they realise that they have personally done well in some aspect over the term) -I always knew how gifted and talented they were from the moment I saw them and now we can prove it to the world.......’
The worst of these was a mum I saw bragging that her daughter was to be a published poet and could buy the book for only £15 and did anyone else want a copy.......every child who entered ‘won’ - it was one of those vanity publishing things that for every book sold the school got a cut, so every child in the year had the same letter. You’d have thought she’d have realised this after talking to others, but no, a few moths later down the line there’s a picture of the book open at that page with gushing words about it. (And no, said child didn’t have any issues that meant writing the poem would have been more challenging for them than another child)....

Natalyia - you’ve summed it up perfectly for me!

Yes I agree OP I do t understand today's culture for over sharing and bragging. Why not just say well done to your child and tell your close friends and family some other way. I really think these parents do it for an ego trip, I mean did they ask their kids before having 90% if this Facebook posts being about them? I doubt it!

Great post Natalia exactly how I feel.

Shocked how cavalier people are about their kids privacy - posting school reports

YANBU. Posting the odd picture of your child with a medal or something is fine. But doing it constantly, discussing their brilliant school reports, what the teacher said about them etc is daft behavior. Ring granny who will be delighted but it doesn't need to be circulated to your 500 friends on Facebook.

But some people think nothing is actually real anymore unless its been facebooked, twittered etc etc.

NataliaO you hit the nail on the head, exactly! There is being proud of your child's achievements, and there is bragging about it. Most people have 'Friends' on their Facebook that are not close to them, not all of my Facebook friends are close, some are old school friends, old colleagues, aquaintances, do they want to hear that my child has gone up 3 reading levels, and is the brightest and most popular child in the class, probably not. You might as well stand in the street and announce it.

One of my friends put on her Facebook recently, well done E on a good school report, we are proud of you, is fine that was ok; it is the bragging that I hate, such as their child is better than others, how popular, academic, clever they are that grates, yes the photos of their school report, what to rub people's faces in that bit more. Like NatalieO has said, would it be acceptable to put a picture of your flash car, or Rolex watch on Facebook, no its crass, and so is this.

I don't understand why people can't just get on with their lives without feeling the need to tell everyone else about it. I am incredibly proud of my dc and tell them all the time - I don't need validation from people on fb or at the school gate.

Totally agree with Natalia.

Chatting about good things to others who are on a similar level is one thing, but banging on to all sundry about how great you child/life/car/husband/holidays* are when you know others will be seeing it who are not as fortunate as you is stealth bragging and rather vulgar. It’s just about having a little balance and self-awareness. Nothing wrong with the odd post but anyone who I deem as constantly seeking glory is unfollowed.

*however you can brag as much as you like about how great your cat is 😻

Agree littlepeas how did people cope before social media

Although at least it’s meant the death of the round robin at Christmas 😄

I love hearing how friends DC are doing. What counts as a brilliant achievement for one could be unremarkable for another but they are all achievements to be proud of.

If you cannot be happy for them just fuck out of their lives.