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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed by parents bragging about their kids on FB

229 replies

Neffertitty · 06/07/2018 19:41

I know FB is a place where you should be able to say whatever you want to but there are a couple of parents at my DS's school who have to do a long braggy monologue about their kids acheivements and what treat they will be buying them and how proud they are.

This is not for the kids, it's to brag to other parents "Oh I am so clever producing such supremely talented and clever beings".

My DS does ok but at times struggles and it's a constant battle trying to get him through the school year. He never wins any prizes at school, is never top of the class. He feels it at prizegivings and it affects his confidence. I know there are clever kids out there and good for them but it's really tough having it shoved down your throat on FB.

I realise the answer is to block them but I just needed a rant before I do that!!

OP posts:
Camomila · 06/07/2018 20:11

I like seeing other people's DCs acheivements on facebook - my default reaction is 'aww lovely'. Same goes for wedding and holidays pics.

If anything I hide consistantly negative people on facebook!

NotTakenUsername · 06/07/2018 20:13

My Dd struggles to get through certain classes at school. I celebrate her on Facebook when she conquers a demon... is that ok op? It’s not a cup or a trophy, but it’s a bloody big achievement for her and damn right I’m proud. (And it’s a personal achievement for me too because I’ve worked with her the whole bloody way.)

Maybe you need to start seeing and celebrating your child’s many successes and achievements, because they are all around you.

I wonder where he learnt to find prize day so tricky?

Takeoutyourhen · 06/07/2018 20:13

I find the conversations described between parent and young child a bit yawn particularly if they don't actually have the ability to talk like that. It's just embellished for social media.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 06/07/2018 20:13

I’m very proud of my DSes. So I tell them. No-one else needs to hear it.

funinthesun18 · 06/07/2018 20:13

It doesn’t bother me. Parents should be proud of their children and their acheievements how ever big or small. And they should also be allowed to talk about it!

People talk about their own achievements and exciting events on Facebook eg wedding or buying a house, and that’s fully accepted. But as soon as someone dares to mention their child and how amazing they think their child is and how proud they are, it’s seen as bragging.

I just think some people have it in for parents full stop these days. Both on social media and off social media.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 06/07/2018 20:17

I understand this from both sides..

I have two sons, similar in age. One struggled academically and socially (this has improved so so much over the last couple of years), he had senco work in nursery, therapy in primary, self esteem lessons in secondary, has had sessions with CAHMs etc. Tried so so hard, and was an average student.

My other son has to put barely any effort in and he is top of the class in every subject. Popular and funny with razor sharp wit. Not sporty but has no interest.

I am very careful how I dish the praise in just my house, let alone on social media.

Just to clarify, I am equally proud of my boys for different reasons. But knowing how harshly they judge themselves breaks my heart sometimes.

mrsb06 · 06/07/2018 20:19

It's a shame it so often has roots in academic achievement. Your child could be 'top of the class' hate that expression but also be rude and unfriendly to the new child at school.

It would be nice if people were to share wider achievements that reflect a child's character to be honest - donating to a food bank, volunteering at a bake sale, etc. That's the really important stuff.

funinthesun18 · 06/07/2018 20:19

Oh, and my eldest DS really struggles with school. Mainly emotionally and socially and his confidence lacks because of it, which in turn affects him academically even though he has so much potential which we have all seen.
Today he did a class assembly and he said his words very clearly and confidently. Did some lovely singing too. I posted on Facebook how ecstatic and proud I am!

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 06/07/2018 20:19

I will also add though, that if social media has such an effect on you... come off it.

I’ve deleted Facebook for now as I’ve been through a bit of a shit time, and other people’s happiness can make me feel quite down and bitter. That’s not their problem though... it’s mine.

Knittedfairies · 06/07/2018 20:19

@Trampire - does the receptionist moonlight for ‘Take a Break’? Such prose....

MotherforkingShirtballs · 06/07/2018 20:21

What about the other extreme if you bragged to someone who's child has learning difficulties.

I have a DC with learning difficulties and I honestly couldn't care. I'm proud of my DC, they're proud of their DC, it's all good. When I hear about the achievements of my friends children I say well done (and I mean it too) and how proud they must be and clever boy/clever girl and so on, whatever is relevant to their achievement. They do the same when my DC achieves something. The only difference is that their DC might have achieved a medal in sports or an award for maths and mine might have managed to write his name or learned to tie laces (he's 9yo) but it's no less of an achievement, it's simply a different kind of achievement.

runningkeenster · 06/07/2018 20:23

Sorry I should have posted the salient bit from that article:

One of the biggest things I’ve noticed since moving to the Netherlands is that children aren’t held up as a reflection of their parents. Little Janneke’s or Joost’s accomplishments (or shortcomings) aren’t judged as a product of their parenting. I was taken aback when a Dutch parent casually mentioned how her son was smarter than a friend of his. It wasn’t the fact she offered this information that surprised me, but the way she delivered it: matter of fact, devoid of ego and without a hint of subtext that this somehow made her son better than his friends.

PortiaFinis · 06/07/2018 20:23

YANBU OP although I guess it’s a different strokes for different folks thing.

I totally get that parents are proud of their children - in fact I hope for most it’s a given but I don’t really understand the need to post about it on Facebook.

At my children’s last school I think parents genuinely used Facebook parental gushing as a gauge of each child’s achievement, which I think is a bit odd too.

Fintress · 06/07/2018 20:24

If anything I hide consistantly negative people on facebook!

I just cull them Grin

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/07/2018 20:25

I grew a doctor. 🤮

MotherforkingShirtballs · 06/07/2018 20:25

It would be nice if people were to share wider achievements that reflect a child's character to be honest

I tell my DC that everyone has different talents and being skilled at something doesn't make you a better person than someone who isn't skilled at that thing, I tell them that it's far more important to have a good/kind heart.

HairDyedPink · 06/07/2018 20:26

Keep only your nearest and dearest on FB and you will be happy for them and proud of their kids for them. If you are not, then it's more about you than them.

You are saying yourself that your problem is that your own child is never top of the class and you have nothing to brag about. You need to have a long hard look in your parenting, because as a parent, there's ALWAYS something you can be proud and show off to your friends and families about.

PortiaFinis · 06/07/2018 20:26

But then I don’t post about my own achievements on Facebook either - so I guess it is just different ways of using it.

Original poster
Neffertitty · 06/07/2018 20:29

Of course parents should be proud of their children and their achievements - I understand that...

I should have mentioned the two mums in question are never off FB and it's always a post about anything and everything their little darlings have done - black belt, baked a cake, brain surgery and on and on....

I'm not that friendly with them, just know them from school so I will probably just block them.

I get everyone has different views about this - some do treat FB as a kind of journal of their lifeHmm

I suppose I'm just feeling a bit down about it today due to a not so glowing report about my DS and it felt insensitive to me...of course they can post whatever they like.

But they are BLOCKEDGrin

OP posts:
MadMags · 06/07/2018 20:29

Some people are so weirdly bitter about other people’s children. It’s truly bizarre. And sad, really...

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 06/07/2018 20:29

I don't generally brag about my kids on FB and feel a bit squirmy about people that do.
But it would be hard to brag about prizes anyway, as, despite being top in several subjects my kids don't get prizes. I have to watch everyone else bragging on FB about the prizes their kids won Confused

muz2017 · 06/07/2018 20:30

Yanbu! Hate boasters!!

ohdearnotmyproblem · 06/07/2018 20:30

well, boke away.
He nearly died. He was turned down by normal schools. I fought for him. He didn't have anyone else to fight for him, I did. And it was bloody hard. I wasn't even hardly 20 and I had to fight so so so hard and yes I am bloody proud of him but I am also proud of ME, proud of MYSELF for fighting for him and not giving up and letting him be written off by "the system". When they were hitting him about the head deliberately because he'd had surgery and had compromised skull integrity it was me who went into the school and fought his corner. when they called him spastic and retard it was me who went in and made them stop it. When they mocked his speech I trailed for 7 years to speech therapy.

And fought for his surgery when they were telling me he was just a lazy talker and I was a paranoid young mum.

So yes, I am proud of myself and I consider I had a part in his achievements. NOT all of them, he did a lot of it on his own, but yes I had a part in it.

tootiredtospeak · 06/07/2018 20:31

Every parent of a child who struggles will understand how you feel. It totally depends on how the post is for me. If its genuine I love it but if its just a show off for the parent I cant stand it.
I posted on facebook when my 16 yr old son finished school the other week to say how proud I was of his strenghth and resilience at getting through 5 long years at secondary school, we also posted a pic of him burning his books!! I will be posting in August if he gets any GCSE,s at all as I will genuinely be so proud if he does.
However, my little one doesnt struggle at all and when he is top at reading or is star of the day I want to celebrate his success just the same.
Dont feel down about anything celebrate whatever he is good at and shout it from the rooftops.

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