children meeting house guests

[dottypotter]

Is it me or is it bad manners if you visit someone for an evening and their kids dont come out of their bedrooms to say hello.

when i was younger if my parents had their friends round we went and said hello if only for a few minutes.

I have a friend who if she has an evening do or something the kids dont appear they are in their rooms!

I was always taught it was the height of bad manners to have your children there if you were hosting dinner (unless a relaxed affair or a play date with the children etc)

If children absolutely had to be there then a polite hello, friends ask a couple of polite questions then off to bed/out of the way with either the child minder or family/friend that was looking after the children for the evening.

When older it was still expected to be the same apart from taking myself off out of the way

Yes, a quick polite hello and a bit of chit-chat should be expected of any children at home at the time.

I wouldn't ever encourage it for cynical reasons, but how do you think some children get work experience/internships, a hand-up at the time they need it and, ultimately, success in the workplace? It is partly to do with learning social skills and the ability of some families to draw on social capital. It's not called the glass floor for nothing.

If the kids are in their room I think it is ok but I have been to friend's house where the kids would walk past and not answer back if I said 'hello'.
My friends would just feel embarrassed and smile awkwardly and not say a thing. My 10dd would never do this. She knows I'll put her on the spot for this. No need to treat people like this. Especially your parent's friends or anyone for that matter

The pictures of Obama and Prince George in his dressing gown seemed perfectly normal to me. But I am old fashioned posh.

I was waiting for that example, but apart from that one in front of all the cameras, you never see George or Charlotte to any of the formal dinners

@MirriVan I think it's a bit egotistical to expect a child who isn't interested in you to pretend to be interested.

Later life will be full of people whom you find boring, but in whom you have to feign an interest. Better to start 'em young, surely?

I think it's a bit egotistical to expect a child who isn't interested in you to pretend to be interested but therein lies why it is such excellent practice for teenagers to prepare them for so many social nteractions in the grown up world. That is small talk in a nutshell - pretending to be interested in someone you are not instintively interested in - and the only way to practice is by doing it. Do it enough and you will be learn to be at ease with anybody and able to put anybody at their ease. That is the essence of good manners - not necessarily doing what you want to do, but knowing how to do the right thing.

"I think it's a bit egotistical to expect a child who isn't interested in you to pretend to be interested"
I pretend to be interested in their friends-the least they can do is pretend to be interested in mine!

Bertrand

In my old age I find my parents' friends pretty interesting. To be fair, I think that many of them are objectively quite interesting people who have led unusual lives!

But then I like SOME of my kids' friends too. To a point

YANBU.
It’s rude. When I was younger, I was happy to gone down to say a quick hello. It’s very rude if it’s clear they can’t be bothered to come down. Bad manners in my opinion

It is a matter of social class. Middle class children are conspicuous by the way they make eye contact with and are polite to adults. Those from other classes are not made by their parents to recognise, acknowledge and speak to adults. Whatever the reason the result is that middle class children become socialised and employable and the others don’t. Perhaps another of those ‘ every one knows but no one says it’ secrets and another way in which the middle classes hang on to all the jobs and privileges.

I'd find it disappointing (not rude) because I'd like to see them, I'd be interested to know how the friend's children were doing and maintain some rel'ship with them - rather important part of friend's life afterall!

Nope, leave them be in their rooms.

If they venture down looking for food then a mumbled recognition is a good thing. If not don’t force them.

Teacher, well said.

It's a basic courtesy to greet people who come to your home. I wouldn't ignore my children's friends, why would they ignore mine? I would certainly expect dd to greet any visitors politely and have a conversation. Basic to living in the same house. I don't think it's a class thing, it's a being on the same planet thing. But I live in Wales where it is also normal to greet people and smile/ make eye contact with people in the street or shop queue.

I'm surprised at how divided this is. I'll admit I disliked doing this as a child but I'm grateful to my parents now. I've always been shy and had social anxiety, but you wouldn't know it now. I think my social skills would have suffered had my parents not expected a quick hello and occasional small talk.

I had thought this was (still) the normal thing to do. Guest if parents come in, say hello, quick chat, then scarper off to bedroom for the rest of the evening. Until the biscuits came out and then it was back down for biscuit thievery before bed. I’d expect to see someone’s child to say hi, I’d never though it was a thing as suck, juts what was done.

But I live in Wales where it is also normal to greet people and smile/ make eye contact with people in the street or shop queue

Er, we do this in London too, you know.

What a weird statement to make. As if basic politeness to say hello to people visiting your house is somehow exclusive to certain parts of the UK

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5915401/Etiquette-expert-Myka-Meier-lists-important-manners-behavior-kids-learn.html See, the experts reckon manners and etiquette will stand your children in good social stead in the future.

i think its rude if kids are around or in passing and don't say hello and is a bit awkward. but at the same time if its not someone they know or like i don't think its necessary.

I was quite an anxious child and absolutely hated knowing i'd have to go out and say hello to certain people, i always got so worked up in my head about it and wished I wouldn't need to go and speak (different if someone i was close to of course)

Really how could you even want that?😨lots of other 'social bull$hit'has also disappeared since "my childhood"too..manners are one thing-false politeness&servitude to codes of adultism(which this smacks of)is another.. if i asked/expected my DD to behave like this we'd both be disappointed😂

Mine would always put in an appearance, even if they had friends visiting them. DD is more likely to stay around longer. DC have known my friends since birth so they're like family who they look forward to seeing. It shouldn't be a chore. I'm glad they love my friends and there's no awkwardness because they've always been in their lives.

We were trotted out and forced to sing in choir-mode for houseguests. Yes, Von Trapp-style. We are 7, but I'm specifically talking about the years we were only 5. I hated it. Later on I was studying classical guitar and I was even told to get up out of bed to play for guests. Horrible. I never asked my children to do that, only that if and when they chose to come downstairs they were kind and polite to our guests. Worked fine.

Teacher22 - well said.

I hate having to make polite chit chat with my parents friends and I am 45!

Luckily I managed not to put my foot in it when a neighbour was talking to mum about arranging her sons wedding and her "big" birthday. I assumed she meant 60th. But luckily I waited until she left before checking. It was her 50th! Only 5 years older than me. But she was in my mind "mums friend" so more of that age than mine.

Other people’s children are best neither seen nor heard IMO.