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AIBU?

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Original poster

children meeting house guests

186 replies

dottypotter · 05/07/2018 16:09

Is it me or is it bad manners if you visit someone for an evening and their kids dont come out of their bedrooms to say hello.

when i was younger if my parents had their friends round we went and said hello if only for a few minutes.

I have a friend who if she has an evening do or something the kids dont appear they are in their rooms!

OP posts:
itbemay · 05/07/2018 16:48

I don’t want to see others dcs and I don’t expect my dcs to say hello either! Unless it’s family!

Myotherusernameisbest · 05/07/2018 16:49

If they are in their rooms they wouldn't come out and say hello. At least the older ones wouldn't anyway. However, if they are in the lounge or kitchen then I expect them to put away devices (if that is what they are on) and engage with a guest. As opposed to ignoring them that is. I don't expect them to start talking politics or anything.

But if I was having a dinner party type thing with other adults, the younger ones would most likely be in bed and the older ones wouldn't be interested in joining us. They may pop out for a quick hello but I wouldn't expect them to.

Horrordoeurvres · 05/07/2018 16:53

YABU

  1. not your children or your home so you don't get to decide on their house rules.
  2. if they wanted to say hello to you they would, are you here to see the parents or the children?

This is just a bit weird Confused

DontTouchTheMoustache · 05/07/2018 16:54

I was very introverted and socially anxious as a child (still am) and was far too nervous to go downstairs when other adults were around. If they don't want to say hello leave them be!

EmpressWeaponisedClitoris · 05/07/2018 16:55

Why would they?

It would be polite to say hello if they happen to be in the same room as you, but they're not hosting you & you're not visiting them.

chrisinthesun · 05/07/2018 16:58

Oh God, I bet you are someone who goes batshit crazy if you buy a 99p Easter egg for a child and they don't send you a thank you card, or write you a thank you letter! Shock

Of course they don't need to come say hello; not these days. Kids are treated (or SHOULD be) as autonomous human beings. It used to piss me off when I was a kid and my mom FORCED me downstairs to say hello to Mrs Jones from across the road who had popped in to borrow some milk.

And if ever anyone gave me anything - a creme egg or something, before I could stretch my hand out, my mom would say 'WHAT DO YOU SAY CHRIS?!!!' with a stressy look on her face, like I was going to snatch the gift out of the woman's hands and run off and ignore her.

It's a bit cringe to force a kid to interact when they don't give a fuck. It's like when someone puts their yabbery toddler on the phone, and expects you to 'talk' to them. Very annoying!!!

And as a few posters have said, most people don't want to be forced to make small talk with someone else's kids!

I am willing to bet @dottypotter that you were definitely not expecting the responses you have got on here! Wink

ReadingRiot · 05/07/2018 17:02

We were always made to say hello (and goodbye) to guests. It was excruciating for everyone. That's not good manners

NameChangingParanoid · 05/07/2018 17:05

My parents used to make us do this when we were little - hated it.

If I go to a friend’s house for the evening & don’t get to see their kids, I count it as a win!

Camomila · 05/07/2018 17:06

I am foreign so stayed for dinner with guests and do the same with my DS.

LongSummerDays · 05/07/2018 17:07

As a child I found it hellishly embarrassing (even saying hello/goodbye to my own relatives!) and I hated having to do it. I never made my ds do this for the same reason.

lifechangesforever · 05/07/2018 17:15

My mum wouldn't expect me to come out of my room to specifically say hello to a friend or family member but she would always make me say hello to people if I came into the same room as them.

She always made a point of saying 'lifechanges say hello to xxx' like I was being rude and not that I'd been in the room less than 5 seconds and would have done it on my own account. I can bet my last penny she'd still do it to this day if we were in that situation.

YABU

Lottapianos · 05/07/2018 17:21

'It has taken me a long time to get the confidence to actually speak up when I'm with a group of people as I've always been so used to making myself invisible.'

This is a really interesting point. My siblings and I got wheeled out when my parents had guests to say hello, and on one occasion, to play the piano. I couldn't do it and burst into tears from the stress and embarassment. I got a bollocking after the guests had gone too. Nice Hmm

I was probably nearly 30 before I felt comfortable speaking up in a group, and I'm still introverted and intimidated by social groups. I put a good front on so no one knows but that's how I feel. I hadn't linked that with my parents treating us like little puppets who just smile, nod, and speak when spoken to, and then just melt away quietly. It's sobering to read how many of you think it's weird to wheel the kids out like that

Fresta · 05/07/2018 17:27

It's rude, yes!

If kids need to be trotted out and made to say hello and find it so excruciating then you haven't brought them up with manners and decent social skills.

londonista · 05/07/2018 17:30

God I hated being trotted out to meet guests I didn't know as a child. Excruciating. Thank god no one expects it anymore. If anything, I am hissing under my breath at my kids to not come downstairs unless something is on fire.

OP do you expect them to be in their sailor suits as well, or are civvies okay for such occasions?

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2018 17:32

Absolutely mine would come out and be sociable for a few minutes. Incredibly rude not to.

LillianGish · 05/07/2018 17:35

I’m quite surprised by some of the response she on here. If my kids were little and asleep, I wouldn’t be getting them up to see house guests. Now they are teenagers I would absolutely expect them to say hello and they would have no problem in doing so. They would almost certainly join us for an aperitif and sometimes for dinner itself - disappearing off to do homework or whatever straight after (and they would gladly hand round drinks and snacks - in fact they would expect to do that). Maybe it’s because we live in France, but that would be considered entirely normal behaviour. Indeed should they invite any friends round themselves those friends would actually seek me out to say hello even if I was in another room and trying to keep a low profile so they could do teenagery things.

HairDyedPink · 05/07/2018 17:36

In a fairly formal diner party, kids shouldn't be seen or heard frankly. If I am invited for diner, had to pay for a babysitter, the last thing I would want is to have to meet other people's children and I wouldn't impose mine on guests.

In a family or close friend party, the kids will be included anyway.

Costacoffeeplease · 05/07/2018 17:38

Ha ha ha. No it’s not rude, the kids probably don’t want it, and I certainly don’t, the very idea

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2018 17:38

Chez Russell operates exactly the same as Chez Gish.

pandarific · 05/07/2018 17:42

My parents would definitely have asked us to come out and say hello. I think I will do with my child too - just feels a bit rude otherwise, and would be good for them to build social skills/politeness.

I wouldn't think notice in a major way if it wasn't done or anything though and lots of people seem to think it's fine, so I couldn't get too het up about it

BBCK · 05/07/2018 17:50

Shocked by these responses. Why on earth is it unreasonable to expect anyone to show basic courtesy, children and adults alike. I expect to greet all guests to my house, whether they’re my friends or not. I expect to be greeted at any house I am invited to as well. To do otherwise would be seen as very rude in my extended family. Obviously I wouldn’t wake children, that would be ridiculous, but I don’t think I would want any guest in my house who found it tedious to say hello to all the residents. And no, I am not from the 1950s!

GlassSuppers · 05/07/2018 17:51

OP do you expect them to kiss you hello and goodbye as well?
I hated that as a kid and would never force my DD to kiss or speak to anybody if she didn't want to.

If she wanted to come down and say hello, fine.
If she doesn't, fine.

Get over yourself, kids deserve privacy too.

HairDyedPink · 05/07/2018 17:55

Maybe it’s because we live in France, but that would be considered entirely normal behaviour

I have never met anyone more formal than the French and they are famous for keeping their children out of the way for formal evenings! It may be that we tend to do more formal diners in restaurants here than they do in France and they host at home.

I agree that the kids not appearing in a bit old fashion, but many people still believe it's the most polite thing to do. Of course, if they happen to be around, they will be polite, but kids should be settled in their own bedroom by the time guests arrive.

LillianGish · 05/07/2018 17:57

do you expect them to kiss you hello and goodbye as well? Actually I would - particularly if guests are French. Completely normal behaviour here - it would be considered odd not to.

londonista · 05/07/2018 17:59

BBCK so you're completely fine with kids being forced to come out of their rooms to say hello to people they barely know? I find that a bit odd TBH.

Fine if the kids want to come out and say hi and stay for a chat, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

Mine (2 overly-friendly boys of 7 and 9) would also eat all the crisps, plonk themselves uninvited on a lap and have an in depth conversation with the guests about which poo emoji was their favourite. (Rainbow poo emoji, in case you were wondering).

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