children meeting house guests

[dottypotter]

Is it me or is it bad manners if you visit someone for an evening and their kids dont come out of their bedrooms to say hello.

when i was younger if my parents had their friends round we went and said hello if only for a few minutes.

I have a friend who if she has an evening do or something the kids dont appear they are in their rooms!

*be

Depends really. If they were teenagers I'd expect it but not if they were 6 and had been in bed a while.

No LillianGish, I am not deliberately obtuse, I was replying to another poster It's not me who first mentioned her in-laws never taking their children anywhere, weddings included.

You don't need to twist my posts because you don't agree with me.

The same way that I did say that even if French children go to bed at much later and reasonable time than the brit ones in general, they are better behaved and more likely to be neither heard nor seen at dinner parties.

My oldest is 3 but this has been interesting. I think I should like any children who shouldn’t be in bed to come say hi. If they don’t know the person at all and are eg in an important study period or are an excitable 6 yo or guest is particularly tedious exceptions would probably be okayed. My dc will need to be comfortable in a French environment though where they kiss everyone in the room hello. I also think I will expect them to come say hi with their friends when they come over. It’s just well mannered children isn’t it?

But @HairDyedPink that’s actually the opposite of what you said. You said French kids tend to go earlier than “kids round here”.

My DS has asd and will only come out of his room if he knows the people. Even then when we have friends from the hometown visiting despite the, knowing me since I was 8 and him since birth, it takes him a while to warm to them.
Some kids just don’t wanna associate with thier parents friends...

@Fresta Well my DS genuinely is that shy. People complain about him often, and I can see it hurts their feelings.

You said French kids tend to go earlier than “kids round here”.confused

I absolutely didn't UnderTheDesk,I might have said something around "reasonable hour" which some posters translated as "early" for some reason, not what I meant at all especially in the context of my entire post.

People do what they want, I just inwardly laugh when they complain that their kids are up at 5 or 6am when they go to bed at 6 or 7pm, each to their own.

To be honest I wouldn't even expect my DH to make a special point of saying hello to one of my friends if they came over. If he's busy doing something else, that's fine. He'd obviously say hello if he came into the room we were using.

I do recognise that as a family we are not especially into hospitality. However, both children are quite capable of being polite to adults when there is some normal interaction going on. We are members of a church with lots of older people and they chat quite happily in the situation when everyone is milling around.

When I was a child (late 80s/90s), my parents not only made me say hello to guests but also play the piano for them and serve them snacks and drinks and then sit with them quietly for the rest of the visit.

Oh hi @ThatSortOfThing I think we have the same mother

Bold fail

It's not a rule by all means, but usually seeing the kids around means you are in for a more casual evening, shoes off, eating in the kitchen kind of thing. The more formal and traditional families tend to have their kids out of the way.

My own family being a combination of both, we don't seem to fit anywhere

Isn't it interesting to put this alongside the threads asking how to raise children with the same confidence that public school kids seem to have?

Seems to me that an expectation that kids learn to greet people and have a polite welcome and goodbye conversation (obv if they're old enough to be up), even with adults they don't really know would be a start. No need for £££ school fees. Just an expectation that making an effort to engage with anyone and find something to chat about for a few minutes is a valuable social skill. Only being able to talk to mates is limiting.

If they're in their rooms, no not necessary. If they come downstairs to get a drink, it'd be polite to pop a head round the door and say a quick hello.

Usually when guests come round, we make tea or pour drinks (depending what time of day it is), so I would take the opportunity to ask the kid to come down, choose a drink for themselves and say hi. They can take the drink back upstairs with them afterwards if they want to, but some acknowledgment of guests is normal. Surprised at how rude teenagers are allowed to be by some posters here.

My mum was a total social butterfly growing up - we were expected to sit and make conversation growing up and honestly it taught us better social skills than most people have (we can make friends with anybody anywhere as a result). It helped that her friends were usually quite interesting and funny. The only exception would be if it was a wine night/book club that was after 8 in which case we were excused although usually we popped in to say hi as we wanted to see what all the laughing was about. I hope our daughter will be the same and be as outgoing however some kids (usually teenagers) do have social anxiety meaning they need their quiet time in the evenings.

I think its good manners and it helps with social skills i mean just to pop down and say hello.

surely they can drag themselves away from the computer/phone/tablet for a minute.

Wow. My experience as a child was that when we had visitors I would say hello and then get on with whatever I was doing. I also remember a time when I brought a friend home and took them straight to my room, and my mum told me that the right thing to do was to introduce my friend to say hello. Now as an adult, I would find it strange if a child didn't say hello to me, I think it's just polite.

@dottypotter I'm with you on this one. Even now as an adult if I go to my friend's house (if they live with parents) I will always ask of the parents so I can say hello, before I begin catching up with my friend.

No interest in seeing the kids when I’ve come to drink their parents’ booze

I agree with OP, I think it is polite. If they are in the middle of something (eg homework), I’d want them to come down afterwards and say hello. I don’t expect them to stay and chat, unless they want to. I don’t actively encourage them to spend long. Equally, if I arrive home and they have a friend round (DH works from home often) I’d go and say a quick hi to my kids’ guest(s). It’s just (in my view) good manners.

I wish mine would stay in their rooms sonetimes. We are having a work friend of my husband's over tonight. My son already has an itenary of conversation topics, including Napoleon, and basically blaming her for the 100 years war, and Maximillian, who I haven't heard of but apparently cut of 1825 people's heads before he was 25. The girls with be simultaneously showing her every personal possession they own and asking her 1400 questions about unicorns. Personally, as a house guest, I'd rather have wine and quiet.

Surely it's good manners to acknowledge someone in your house?

If they're in bed/getting ready for bed that's a bit different, especially if they are little, but surely if they're awake they should say hello but then be allowed to disappear when they wish?

I can't see how you expect children to learn social skills if not given an opportunity to practice them. I wouldn't force a child to spend a whole evening listening to conversation that'd be boring to them, but they need to see how adults interact with each other, and making small talk with someone you don't know is a valuable skill.

Etiquette says they should come out and greet guests.

If I know them or parents are old friends yes. Otherwise no