Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

but it meant the vintage hair slide I had bought for each of the bridesmaids to wear at the back of a half up-do didn’t fit properly because there wasn’t enough hair to take back.

Oh god. No!!! Why?!?!

We just about managed it with a lot of hairspray

Oh thank god for that. I can breathe again now I know it was ok in the end.

Emotional rollercoaster...

What kind of narrow world do the people who think you only dye your hair to look 'wacky' or attention-seeking live in?! Have contemporary fashions completely passed you by?

Most normal right-thinking people would be annoyed at that and it is a dick move just before your wedding. She knows it, you know it and ALL your guests will clock it.

no, most normal people would not be weirdly obsessed and self-centered. Most guests won't even know the pink hair is a new thing, and none of the guests will care - none of the guests really care about the bridesmaid dress colour either to be fair, unless they happen to wear the same one!

Most normal people will be chuffed that a bridesmaid had made special effort to look what they think is great before the wedding.

I think you are ridiculous. She can dye her hair....she doesn't belong to you. Plus pink hair looks great. And you sound like a first class bridezilla.....

The OP has put a lot of effort/money into this day and now part of it has been marred

How? Seriously, how has it been marred? It isn’t a tattoo saying “fuck you OP”. No-one will pay it any notice at all. She hasn’t danced on the cake or snogged the vicar or cancelled the honeymoon. How is the wedding marred? Please explain the devastating impact this hair will have on the wedding?

I genuinely can’t believe people would be as pathetic as to tell the BM to move aside for photos and stand at the side of the church so she was easy to crop out. that would certainly create a lovely atmosphere for the whole day.

I think it was a mean thing to do, she could've waited a week. But as stated by posters it's her hair, she can do what she likes with it.

If she's done it for spiteful reasons, I hope, down the line, she regrets doing it.

I think the OP should ditch the bridesmaids, and employ some agency models so she could have full control of the look of people on her photos. She could even chose a different groom for the photos to improve the general look? dare I say a different bride too

My nephew is getting married soon and whilst his fiancée has put a lot of careful planning into the day, she’s been very relaxed. Bridesmaids were given a colour and told to pick whatever dresses they each preferred. Bride is paying for hair and make up but again, the bridesmaids can request what they want. No performance wedding

I think that if the OP takes any of the advice like positioning MsPinkHair at the edge of the photos or photoshopping her hair, the OP will one day look back and wish she hadn't made such a big deal about this, not now that she realises what's actually important and prioritises friendship over hair colour.

If you had RTFT you would have the answers to these questions for goodness sake 🙄

Sorry, I was working and didn't have time to read through all of it...

But honestly I think this is key:

If a bridesmaid hair distract the attention from the actual BRIDE, the bride is doing something very wrong

If she wanted to upstage you, I think she would have gone for something a little bigger than slightly unconventional hair.

I think it's borderline OK to ask very politely, but not insist. It really depends on her relationship to you. If she is not a good friend (say an in-law) just leave it.

Also, some pink might not clash or even compliment red (depending on the shade of red as well.)

If it's pink like Katy's is I'd be wary of having it with red! But the girl with the pink buns wouldn't be bad at all and the lady (who I want to say is Blac Chyna?) is actually wearing hers with a red dress. So don't despair yet - it might actually look great! And even if it doesn't, this woman isn't here to be a vision of absolute and utter perfection or you would have just hired models with acceptable hair colours to be your bridesmaids... it's really not a big thing! Don't let it ruin your day.

@2up2manydown so you were a bridezilla like the is OP being?

This is exactly why I’d never be someone’s bridesmaid. You do someone a FAVOUR, plus, get bored to death by wedding talk for 6 months, only to find out your supposed friend thinks they now have some kind of ownership over you and your body.

Red dresses sounds a bit 'Handmaid's Tale'. Perhaps the OP could buy the bridesmaid a big white hat to cover the pink hair?

I didn’t say anything - she looked perfectly nice and appropriate still - but it meant the vintage hair slide I had bought for each of the bridesmaids to wear at the back of a half up-do didn’t fit properly because there wasn’t enough hair to take back. We just about managed it with a lot of hairspray but I did silently think why on earth did you do that right before my wedding?

I just saw this

Gagging at the word "appropriate." Would the absence of the special "vintage hairslide" really have ruined your day? It seems like such a non incident I probably would have forgotten it, especially if it was on the same day as my wedding!

I'm quite glad that I didn't do anything like that for my wedding, if I'm honest. Perhaps it was because some of my bridesmaids had very different ethnic backgrounds and a style for 4C hair would be hugely difficult to replicate on my hair or my sisters, let alone that of my white friends, but they all had different hair styles and accessories. It was the same colour and jewels and pearly bits and whatnot, but different styles based on what they liked -and obviously their hairstyle.

I liked it that all of their hair accessories kind of reflected them back as people. It was a nice touch of personality what with the matching dresses and everything.

But this has turned into nostalgia and I don't want to derail the thread So I'll shut up now.

@TheGoddessFrigg

Complete with butter so her hands don't upstage OP's in their smoothness?

I’d be pissed off too. She couldn’t have waited a week ffs?

Having said that though the best you can do is just ignore/accept and get on with it and focus on your day regardless. It’s really not the most important part of the day by any measure.

You might just need to ask your photographer to give you accompanying B&W copies for all the pics with her

I am going against the grain here, but I think your bridesmaid is out of order. She shouldn't have done it until after the wedding. It is attention seeking and a pretty nasty thing to do. Even though you have no right to tell her what to do, I would have hoped common courtesy and respect for you she would either ask if ok or do it after the wedding.
If you don't like it drop her.

Buy her a wig or keep her out of the photos. I think she's taking the piss a bit tbh but it's her hair, her choice.

bluebug45 a little bit, probably. I don’t think I did or said anything unreasonable or hurtful, had a wonderful day and lovely memories etc But I did have to fight my control urges on occasion. All pretty normal stuff for most brides really. I don’t think my boring anecdote about about the hair slides revealed anything untoward about me, no matter what subsequent posters infer from it. Surely we are allowed to have momentary private thoughts (which remained private) without being accused of being a bridezilla?

I think gagging is a tad OTT rosesansflowers I didn’t punch said bridesmaid in the face and rip the rest of her hair off. I also haven’t thought about it until today when I saw this thread.

I didn’t punch said bridesmaid in the face and rip the rest of her hair off. I also haven’t thought about it until today when I saw this thread.

I think I'd be doing something other than "gagging" if you had punched her!

The word appropriate can have such awful connotations, especially in that sort of context...

Also their are plenty of temporary brown dyes that would work fine in covering the pink colour (my mum is a hairdresser and I frequently dye my hair)

I'm a hairdresser and I'm not aware of any other than Adore which gets terrible reviews. I've never used a 'natural' direct dye but I would imagine it would look a bit shit and flat. Using anything other than direct dye would require pre-pigging and would be permanent.

Renbow do some nice darker shades that err more to the side of natural and might match the dress better. Maybe OP could compromise with that?

www.crazycolor.co.uk/products/#

I use the Aubergine one between perm colors to keep my colour bright. That would look okay with red or one of the grey shades if the pink is light enough.

The word appropriate can have such awful connotations, especially in that sort of context...

Really keen to know what “awful connotations” the word “appropriate” can have 😂