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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For asking DP to move out after 6 months?

157 replies

YouBloodyPigeon · 03/07/2018 14:45

I have essentially moved in another child.

He's 32 and never lived away from him mum and she did everything for him. When he asked about moving in here I said he would have to pull his weight with the housework and bills. I don't expect him to pay towards the mortgage but bills and groceries definately.

First month he paid up fine. Second month he announced a new PS4 game was coming out and he had to buy the limited edition for £75 so bill money would be a bit short. I was fuming and told him that wasn't on. He had a bit argument and eventually he agreed that it was selfish and he wouldn't do it again.

2nd and 3rd month fine. 4th month he announced he had to go on a stag weekend so I had a choice between receiving less bill money or buying all the groceries for one month. He just takes the piss, it's a fucking joke.

On top of that he gets a shower and just leaves all his clothes piled up on the toilet for me to move. First few times I did as I needed the toilet but after a few weeks of this I started just swiping them off the big onto the floor. This resulted in him calling me petty and childish, going off in a huff etc. I'm not fucking having it!! He never makes dinner, never washes up - one time I told him we both work so either he cooks or tidied kitchen after cooking. He said he'd do the kitchen. So after dinner he spends 5 minutes in the kitchen, comes out and says "all done! The only thing I haven't done is the pans." I went in to look and all he HAD done is piled up the dirty pots in the sink for me to wash!!! He just doesn't seem to grasp it at all.

Other incidents include him starting a water fight with my kids - with BLEACH water from a bucket.

And yesterday's incident - he decided to sort the fridge out so cooked bacon, sausages, eggs, black pudding etc etc - all out of date stuff that he'd left in there - for my dogs. They're fucking champion show dogs. I was so angry I cried. One of them was sick all night. I just think he's beyond it and needs to go. I know it takes a while for someone to get used to not living with their mother but with the other stuff, the bleach water and the dogs I don't even feel he can be trusted in the house.

AIBU to just chuck him out without warning? I've really had enough.

OP posts:
CigarsofthePharoahs · 03/07/2018 15:37

YANBU, he needs to leave. You have the patience of a saint to have put up with him for this long.

MiggledyHiggins · 03/07/2018 15:40

Yeah, get rid.

LaurieMarlow · 03/07/2018 15:41

Another 'can't believe you had to ask' here. What a waste of space. Get rid.

SaltyPeanut · 03/07/2018 15:41

Bloody hell. He sounds so bad it's almost funny...almost.

You just plain need to get him the hell out of your property before he seriously and irrevocably harms your kids or dogs.

Mummy's little prince fucking idiot needs to return to her loving bosom.

kerryleigh · 03/07/2018 15:42

His bags should be at the door

marymoosmum · 03/07/2018 15:42

Seriously teaching dogs to attack for a laugh with kids around?
Put all his stuff in black bin bags and Chuck him out on his ear.

TokyoSushi · 03/07/2018 15:42

Get rid, today!

TorviBrightspear · 03/07/2018 15:43

I'd had got rid after a week.

And these days I have a gob and would use it to tell both his parents they've failed in their parenting.

I'm now a single parent but I'm making sure both my DCs (one boy, one girl) are capable of living independently as adults.

ChelleDawg2020 · 03/07/2018 15:46

Ditch him. YANBU to chuck him out, you most certainly would be unreasonable not to end the relationship too.

I do have a little sympathy for the guy - this is what happens when people end up living with their parents into their late-20s and early-30s. I moved out at 22, and it was probably five years (and several moves) before I fully accepted that I needed to put in the work to keep my home looking nice. People will call him a "manchild" and so on, but he needs a period of living alone to finally grow up. (I mean alone, not with parents or partner, somewhere where he has to pay all the bills and do all the cooking and cleaning.) A few years like that, and he might learn responsibility.

Too late for you though I think, unless you're willing to hang around waiting into the next decade!

wheezing · 03/07/2018 15:47

Wow. What a man child. Just do it now rather than letting it go on.

Does he have a job? How can it be between a PS4 game and paying basic bills when he has no rent or mortgage at all? Surely with no housing costs you should be able to pay both bills and a luxuries? (Luxuries in lieu of housing costs).

wheezing · 03/07/2018 15:51

I do have a little sympathy for the guy - this is what happens when people end up living with their parents into their late-20s and early-30s. I moved out at 22, and it was probably five years (and several moves) before I fully accepted that I needed to put in the work to keep my home looking nice

Yes, I can kind of get this. Paying a mortgage and all bills myself seemed so daunting when I was just leaving university that my first rental was managed completely by the landlord, including bills, because I felt I needed a transition period. I’m sure I would have mananged, but it was nice to ease in to being an adult in a way.

But still, I can’t understand the mentality of thinking bills and food shopping is somehow optional.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/07/2018 15:55

I can't understand why women are still raising their sons like this - to be utterly incapable of basic life skills at 32 is an embarrassment to both him and his Mum.

dontgobaconmyheart · 03/07/2018 15:55

Ugh, just no. Shaft him OP, imagine how much more relaxing your home and lovely dogs will be once he's gone. That would be the end for me, nothing is more of a passion killer than a grown adult thinking your are his DM version 2.0.
Huge no to all this 'tell his mother why' though, tell him why, by all means tell his whole family if you want but assigning blame to women for men's actions and behaviour as though they are truly not responsible themselves is some very old school thought indeed. He let her do it, he lets you do it, he likes it that way around, he bought into what he was brought up with, he could change if he really wanted but doesn't because he appears to have carved out his own view of women as well as lacks the motivation or capacity to learn that which it's apparent he hasn't been shown. You are 100% right in what you're thinking, I couldn't get rid quick enough!

FrogFairy · 03/07/2018 15:57

Send the immature dickhead back to his mum and she can deal with the man child she raised.

Inertia · 03/07/2018 15:59

I’d be binning him off completely- it’s worse than having a selfish teenager , because you know he’ll never grow out of it.

5foot5 · 03/07/2018 16:06

If you have sons you're doing them, not to mention their future wives & partners, a favour by letting them see this type of behaviour is not acceptable.

Agreed but the same is true if you have daughters. You don't want them to think it is normal to put up with this level of idiocy from a supposedly grown adult.

Maelstrop · 03/07/2018 16:19

I do have a little sympathy for the guy - this is what happens when people end up living with their parents into their late-20s

Rarely, I would say, given the amount of people whinging on here about how to train up their lazy teenagers! I went home in between uni terms and no way was I gettign away with being slovenly.

halfwitpicker · 03/07/2018 16:20

God get rid of him completely.

Bibesia · 03/07/2018 16:25

I hope you've already shoved all his stuff into bin bags, left them on the doorstep and changed the locks?

dueanotherchange · 03/07/2018 16:26

How long had you been with him before he moved in?!

you need to get rid. in any event, is this really the kind of attitude you want around your children?

BewareOfDragons · 03/07/2018 16:27

Pack his bags and send him back to mummy.

I can't believe you've let him stay this long! He's have lasted a week with me if he expected me go pick up and clean up after him!

steppemum · 03/07/2018 16:29

I do have a little sympathy for the guy - this is what happens when people end up living with their parents into their late-20s

no. This is what happens when parents don't teach their kids basic life skills, and treat their adult children like kids. His mum is paying his credit card bill for him!!!

ToothTrauma · 03/07/2018 16:30

Dear god, woman! Bin him immediately! Throw him out of your life, never mind your home.

MistressDeeCee · 03/07/2018 16:32

I do have a little sympathy for the guy - this is what happens when people end up living with their parents into their late-20s

DCs are mid-20s still here with me whilst saving for house deposit, and they can and do cook clean and wash
They're self-sufficient.

It's often different for boys tho (although there's denial of this at times) and you can see it in real life. Boys and young men with zero basic life skills. DDs know better than to even attempt a relationship with a man as badly raised as that.

The small amount of sympathy I may have in this situation re OPs man is he's been infantilised by parents, and that isn't his fault.

My brother is approaching 50 and mum still does everything for him. He's the king of the castle. Has a girlfriend also with her own place so he's there too at times. If Id his facilitated life I could get so much more done.

I rarely (if ever?) see women in this situation though

OftenHangry · 03/07/2018 16:33

Oh my god. Get rid of it before it attaches to you properly. This type of people will suck all your life from you.
And send a letter to his mum with him explaining why🙄

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