AIBU to think my DP isn't being understanding

[mama2be91]

Hello

Would like some honest opinions please as not sure if I'm BU or he is...

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first, not really showing yet but super tired, headachey, back pains etc. and was throwing up all weekend.

My DP and I haven't lived together that long, and I feel like all he does it moan at me about the housework, but I feel I pick up my fair share especially given that I'm 20wks gone.

We both work full time, but he always moans about things around the house and says I don't do anything even though I do most of the washing, I hoover, I clean up after dinner. I am working from home today and he has left the sink full of washing up for me to do even though I didn't eat all weekend due to throwing up! He implies that I can't be a parent because I can't look after myself!!! He does do housework too but I never moan at him even when I feel he's expecting alot of a sick pregnant lady. Just to add he also moans that I do nothing on days where I've ran around after his DD, doing the school run, food shopping, cooking her dinner etc.

AIBU to think that I do plenty???

Don't have that conversation with him OP. Leave, then tell him what a shit he is. If you try and chat to him, he won't change but he can act. And he can keep the act up for months or even a gear or two. But he's shown you what he really is and this side of him will never go away, it will just resurface at some point. Don't let that be when you are completely financially dependent with little children to support and no career prospects or a way out. This is a golden opportunity. It truly is. You need to seize it.

I think the most you'll get from that conversation is confirmation that he doesn't, ultimately, really give a shit about you and that you should leave. But I agree with pp that you may be alerting him to the fact you'll be leaving which may cause problems. Do whatever you think necessary but please be careful and safe op.

OP There's a thread on aibu called "dh being overly harsh" about a controlling man who moans that the woman picks up her 2 yr old daughter too much and is making her have counselling for being 'too attached' to her dd. Those are just some examples of his awful bullying behaviour with OP and their child.

Please have a read of that thread. It might help you to see what your future might look like if you stay with this man.

I hope you're feeling stronger about making some difficult decisions. Because those men don't change. they only get worse with time.

Sorry for lack of updates everyone I've had a very busy few weeks with work etc.

He has been a little better the last few days as I got quite upset over something last week. I'm still looking into options but think it will be a struggle financially. One thing I think he would do is go to court for 50/50 custody before he did the whole abroad thing to not pay maintenance. Whilst this would work in my favour in terms of childcare/going back to work I wouldn't really want him to have half custody, especially when he was still a baby.

He will say he wants 50/50 to put you off separating
He doesn't actually want 50/50 because he's a lazy bastard

Imo 50/50 is a scare tactic.
No way given your description of his lazyfuckitis would he care for a dc half the time.

Likely none of the time if you want honesty here!

I'm angry today anyway because of my x but reading your thread has made me even angrier because it reminds me of my x too.
He's disrespectful, undermining, unappreciative and abusive. A baby isn't a full time job, really? And he says this as a father already, shows you how uninvolved he was last time, and it didn't work out either, interesting. How often does he see DD? Bet it's not 50:50 with her mum, is it?

You have had some great advice.
I think you are not ready to give up on this disrespectful wanker yet. Which is a waste to your precious life.
Money is not the real issue, you will find a way, one day the moment will happen when you will realise decent people don’t act like this.