For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

The most important thing is to have who you want there. No one is entitled to come, but I do think it’s sad that a lots of women don’t have a close enough relationship with their mother to have her there as well as the child’s father. It can be a truly beautiful thing to have your mother’s support at the labour.

My mum was with me while I was in labour with DS1, but that was because I wanted her there. I was in labour for quite a while and she was there, so was dh, and my closest friend.
They kind of took it in turns to keep me company (did I mention I was in labour for quite a while?), but when things started to really get going, she and my friend left, and it was just dh and the midwives who were with me for the actual delivery.
I was glad she was there, but also glad she left when she did!

Ugh I really have no patience for parents like this, the ones who think their kids owe them something just because they are the parents.

I have a feeling my mum is going to be one of these. I'm only 8 weeks and as my sibling has special needs, i'm going to be the only one who can give her grand kids. I can imagine their will be much stropping and sulking when shes told no but she's crap in stressful situations and likes to make everything about her.

LeeValley2

My mum and I are extremely close, but thankfully, as she has my best interests at heart, she knew it would be an intrusion for her to be there. Labour is one thing, but the birth is for the parents in my opinion. She took me to the hospital as my husband was based a fair distance away, when he got there she slipped out the room, she could have stayed we were all quite wrapped up in what was going on but she felt it was our moment. Even the midwife mentioned how selfless it was. So it's not a reflection of my relationship with my mum, in fact it shows how respectful our relationship is.

I was invited to watch dd giving birth x 3. It was amazing 😁 She got caught short with no. 4 & needed a new mattress!!

First time I wasn’t really sure if I wanted my
Mum there or not - turns out she wouldn’t have had time to get there anyway! She visited when baby was about 8 hours old. When she walked in, she totally ignored the baby, hugged me and cried, said “I didn’t want you to have to do that because I know how much it hurt!” so to be fair, she probably wouldn’t have a made a great birth partner anyway
Second time she was in the house but not in the same room for my home birth. I yelled for her when my baby was literally a few seconds old.

I had my Nan (she was my mum basically) there for DD1’s birth. DH has epilepsy and hates hospitals so he was worried about how he’d get on. He was fine, but Nan was a great help.

Should have been DH and Nan again for DD2, but she appeared early and fast so was delivered by my then FIL. Quite embarrassing if I think about it too much, but he was amazing. We often joked that he should become a doula as he was so good, but he said once was enough!

Just read the first few pages of the babycenter link and am at the story about the TA who was giving birth and one of the school mums turns up at the hospital, dc and all.

I just had dh with me when I was in established labour and on the Labour ward. I did have other people there on and off during the early bits when I had my clothes on and was just pacing up and down. I wouldn't have wanted my mum there though.

I think it's up to the woman giving birth who she wants to be there. I don't have any daughters and I doubt any future dil's will want me there. I expect I'll be at home waiting impatiently for the phone to ring and hissing "don't you realise my son might be trying to ring me?" at any unwanted callers .

YADNBU, my mum's a midwife and she kept insisting all through my pregnancy that I would change my mind and want her there once I actually went into labour. I texted her an hour after baby was born to let her know the news. I was not fussed one bit, she would have driven my blood pressure up like she usually does, my partner was lovely and calming throughout the entire labour.

Reading this with interest as Dd1 is expecting, I would only want to be there if she and her dh wanted me there. I mean, obvs I'm really excited and would want to do anything I could to support her through labour but it's her call.

Such a strange concept. I'm close to my mum and neither of us would dream of her having been at the birth of my dc.
If I had no one else then maybe but dh was enough!

YANBU. I think it very much depends on the sort of relationship you have with your DM. I would not have dreamt of having my own DM at the birth of my DD,nearly 35 years ago. We had a (mostly) good relationship and we were close,but there were certain things that we didn't talk about. I'm not saying that I grew up ignorant about the 'facts of life' and we did have 'the talk' when I was about 8 or 9,but she grew up in a totally different world to today's,where most people are more relaxed about these things. Her own mother didn't tell her anything about periods or sex,or having babies until she was 16! And even then,she had to ask. She was an older mother too when I was was born,so by the time my DD was born,she was approaching her sixties. With my own DD,things are rather different. We are extremely close,there's practically nothing that we won't talk about,and our relationship is much more relaxed than mine with my own DM was. When my DD had my DGD nearly 12 years ago,she asked me to be there along with her DH. I was with her throughout her 37 hour labour,but she ended up having an emergency C-section,so it was obviously her DH who went with her for it,so I didn't witness the actual birth. But she wouldn't have had a problem with it. I think it is very much a personal choice and you shouldn't feel guilty if it's not what you want.

I have a 17 day old baby - during labour I vividly remember my DH sieving a poo out of the birthing pool in our kitchen. There is no way I'd have wanted my DM there!

I decided my mother wouldn't be at the birth of my ds when she described woman who are terrified of labour as cowards 🤔😤

I have two daughters - in fairness they are very wee but it genuinely never occurred to me that I would be ‘entitled’ to anything actually.

And forcing your way into a private and intimate moment is ‘nothing like a mother-daughter bond’.

I thought his was more of an American thing? Seems common in America to have the whole family, mother, mother in law, any children etc all present.
No chance my mum or mil would be considered in the room with me when I give birth.
Hubby only and would rather go it alone than have Mum there. I'd be mortified!

I had my mum there but not DH. Loved it.

I didn't have my Mum with me on any of my births. I did have my sister with me for 2 of my births. My 2nd 2 were with a new partner and his mum (actually his aunt he's adopted ) wanted to be present. I just couldn't have her there I didn't want her there at all. I felt it would have been unfair to have a member of my family there and not her so had just my DH.

Totally up to the woman giving birth.

If I was asked of course I would. But seeing my dds in pain would be heartbreaking.

My mum assumed she would be there and only told me this the day before I was being induced with my first. Told her no it wasn't a spectator sport and only dh. Turns out she had been discussing it with my sister, who was on holiday at the time, and my sister proceeded to tell me that my mum would be a great help and bring sandwiches to the birth!!

I think that’s a big point sea. I went into active labour extremely quickly from nothing at all so there was a short spell of high pitched sceaming which was almost like I gone into some kind of animal state. I know my dh was pretty traumatised and I can’t imagine what my mum would be like.

YANBU. My mum was the first person who came into the delivery room afterwards and saw me whilst DH was off with DC (who needed some attention), which was lovely. But the key bit there is the word "afterwards"

I imagine I won’t be at any future births my daughters may have but if they asked, I’d be delighted. Certainly no expectations and I believe their future husbands are the most important supporter (or at least I hope they will be).

YANBU.

My mother, who's narrcastic and I'm completely NC with now, expected to be allowed into the operating theatre for my c section under a general anaesthetic and ended up having a blazing row with me about it. Even though I had told her no one would be there, not even DH!

However my step aunt had her dad there whilst she gave birth 😱

I don't want to watch my daughter give birth! It's a weird invasion of privacy.