For thinking women aren't entitled to watch their daughters give birth?

[LOL7]

Hello,
So this is a bit of a thread. I've just had an 'argument' in the loosest sense of the word on fb with women who are moaning about their daughters 'not letting them be there' for the birth of their grandchildren! Aibu for being totally shocked about this sense of entitlement or 'right' that women should automatically be able to watch their daughter go through labour and birth just because it's their daughters giving birth to their grandchildren?

My mum was there when my first was born but not with my second (EMCS). She wanted to support me and I really needed her with me. My DH supported this (was also there each time) because he knew mentally I was really low and not good with pain. My MIL was a nightmare. Shouting about how it wasn't fair my mother was present and she was not. She demanded to be in the room the second time and when I said no she threw an almighty hissy fit and said she would wait in the waiting room. My lovely midwife put her in her place pretty quickly and told her there was no waiting room and that she should go home. She then stayed at ours and trashed the place just in time for coming home. My Mum wouldn't have behaved like that. YANBU OP. No one should feel entitled to be at a birth.

I didn't want my Mum there when I was giving birth but she wanted to be there, ended up she was there but I needed a section so it ended up being just me and my hubby when our dd was born.

I couldn't say no to her and I wish I had've. I'm pregnant with number 2 and I only want my hubby there this time and I'm making sure that's the case!

She was actually there when my niece and nephew was born (my brothers kids) and I'm sure that was weird for their mum!

It's one if those situations where it's down to the pregnant mum. I had my mum at the birth of both my children (she used to be a midwife)
However I can understand why some people wouldn't be comfortable with it.

No one should be entitled to witness the birth not even the father

It's the mother who is going through the trauma and it should be 100% her decision.

I had my Dh with me. He helped so much and gave a lot of support and encouragement.

My nan expected to be able to be there. No way in hell was she going to be. She was taking the piss mimicking me breathing and groaning in pain when I was in early labour. Why on earth would I have her there for full blown.

Same to my mum really. She wouldn't have been any help

While I still think it's massively unreasonable of any mother to invite herself into the birthing room, all of these posts about it being a 'privilege' or an 'honour' I guess do make me see why they might feel hurt - if that's how people around you are seeing it (and your friends are bragging about having 'the honour' for their own daughters) I can see how it might feel like your daughter is expressing something negative about your relationship. That just isn't how I see it, though - I am incredibly close to my mum, but I just don't see it as a mother-daughter moment. To be honest I think if I asked my mum she'd say yes but a) be a bit panicked and b) be a bit sad that DH and I didn't have a stronger relationship - because that's how she'd see it.

Be bit sad that DH and I didn't have a stronger relationship - because that's how she'd see it.

That's how I would see it too.

I've heard that psychologically it's not good to have your mum at the birth of your child.

It would be easy to slip into 'child' mode with your mum around and becoming a Mum yourself is a strange time to be in child mode.

I can see why some women want their mums there but I didn't.

I didn't even know that was a thing! Although my mum is the only person other than DM iI'd remotely consider having there - she is a nurse, so I'd trust her to behave well

My MIL hinted that she wanted to be invited because my husband is an only child so my children were her only chance for her to be present. Not a chance! (My husband wasn't even present for our second child because he came early and it coincided with bedtime!!)

I've never heard of anyone having their mother there when they were giving birth. Really weird that someone would think this was so normal they'd be angry that they were denied it!

I would have been there if asked but really I was very happy that dd and dsil share the birth of dgs. I didn’t feel it was my place at all.

My mum wants to be there and has been told no chance! I don’t have that kind of relationship with her and she would be no use what so ever and only a hindrance in labour.

I do however really want my dad there with DP, I don’t do pain well and think my dad would be best to deal with me. However given what he would see and that he is a very mild mannered proper gentleman I know this would be a step to far. With my sister he went to the hospital got her checked in with DP and waited in a coffee shop/ went home and popped back every couple of hours. I will be reassured with this.

Oddly ddil did ask me, and her mum and ds to be at the birth (she lives abroad) but she had to have a Caesarian so we waited outside theatre.

I think it depends on your relationship. My DM did not ask to be there (and I didnt want her there). MIL seemed to think she should be there when I gave birth (despite only having sons). But didnt outright ask. My SIL had let her be there for all 3 of her children (2 of whom werent even my BILs and were after they split!). So I got months of "I was there when X was born, did you know? I helped. I brought snacks. I was there when Y was born too. Because Im their grandma. I was there".

I ignored her, she wasnt there when I gave birth and she never had the balls to say anything directly :)

community.babycenter.com/post/a25798437/the_best_of_delivery_room_dramas

For this reason, (and having horrible entitled inlaws, I birthed alone was meant to have my bestie, but unfortunately she missed out on both emergency csections as both my dc couldn’t wait to come out!!!

My mum was awful when I made it clear I didn't want her there for the birth, so much emotional blackmail and guilt. Wonder why I didn't want her?

Seriously? Why would Mum & Dad be entitled to be present when their Daughter gives birth! What next the in laws 😳 it’s just a baby it happens every minute of every day, can’t they wait

I desparately wanted my dm there. But couldn’t as mil spat her dummy out about it

YANBU. Definitely wouldn’t have wanted her there. DH was there for a bit then he went to collect DS from nursery - but I preferred being alone.

He came back later when my DM had arrived to look after DS. My DM is wonderful in many ways but she loves giving advice, and is very sensitive and upset if you don’t follow it. Plus I was an angry screaming witch when I was in labour and she’d have only upset if I’d snapped at her, and then made the occasion about her being upset.

That page is pretty GoJetter. I think part of it is because they're American and have such different expectations. 'I said I didn't want anyone there but my husband, my mom and my sister', 'I said the whole family could come for prelabour but had to leave when I was pushing' - WTF?! A UK hospital wouldn't even allow that many people, would they?

Was at the birth of my three DD's but left my DD2 to it with her BF at the birth of grandchild its their matter, their event so?.

Mind you if it were and emergency miles from any medical assiatance be very pleased to help out but thats a very differnt instance!

My mum was at the birth of both my dc along with dh!
I had planned a home birth with DC 1and DM was very supportive, she had a bad hospital birth with me (1967) and a great home birth with my brother (1970). After a very difficult pregnancy the home birth was off but mum came round when my waters broke and came with us to hospital, we were glad of her support and it felt natural to have her there. I did have a very quick labour and DC was born soon after getting to the hospital. Similar story with DC 2 !!!
Mum never expected to be there and treasured the experience, I had two HG pregnancies and she was so supportive it just felt natural for her to be there at the end.
Its only a recent thing that men attend the birth, some hospitals only allowed it in the 1980s. For thousands of years women gave birth supported by their mothers, sisters, aunts and grandmothers!!! Its funny how attitudes have changed so much!

Don't you just want a practical sensible person there who can be on hand? Someone useful?

So I think people should have whoever is likely to be helpful to them. It doesn't matter if it's their DH, their Mum or the next door neighbour. Or all three.

YANBU! I love my Mum dearly, but I only want DH at the birth. I know my Mum wouldn't like to be there either, so that makes things easier!

I had my Mum there for both of my births, DH was outside for the first and at home looking after DD for the second. I asked her to be there, I wanted her to be there, there wasn't any entitlement. I now have two DDs and if the day comes that they have children themselves I'll go if I'm asked but of course you have to respect that they have their own lives and their own partners and you don't come first anymore!