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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross that dd has just told her friends to come down and make food.

302 replies

PooFlower · 01/07/2018 14:47

Dd age 14 has two friends in her room waiting for her to get ready.
The two girls have just come down and made cheese and ham bagels for themselves dd and my younger dd who has already eaten a good lunch.

Am I unreasonable to be really cross. I have just told them all off.
I can't afford to buy more bagels, cheese and ham. They were suppost to last until Thursday.
And I think its just so rude.
I would have been a bit cross if dd had made them, but the two girls just coming downstairs and going through the fridge and cupboard has shocked me. Is this usual behaviour these days?
They are fairly new friends too. I could understand with a very close friend we have known years but this isn't the case
Dd seems to think they have done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 01/07/2018 21:46

*@Llaneli I find it bizarre that you wouldn’t even get a glass of water in your friends houses when you were a teenager. *

Not without asking an adult first, no. It's called "manners".

ShawshanksRedemption · 01/07/2018 21:54

I'm wondering if this is a "local" thing. I live in Kent and my kids (teens) friends have never just helped themselves. My kids ask too - they know what is off limits (fridge food as it's usually for lunches/dinners), but still check in with me for a snack if friends are round. I have relatives in Yorkshire though that are in and out of each others fridges, which I always find a bit odd/amusing when we visit!!

glintandglide · 01/07/2018 22:28

“Gileswithachainsaw

Of course we remember being teenagers.

We wouldn't have lived to be them though if we had pulled a stunt like that”

You would’ve been murdered for taking food? By whom? How? Would they have stabbed you? Strangled you? Or just beaten you to death?

What an odd upbringing you must’ve had, on the brink of being killed all the time

LemonysSnicket · 01/07/2018 22:57

I would've been horrified and embarrassed if I were the other girls. Your DD told them to do it so they clearly thought they had permission! They're not rude ...

LemonysSnicket · 01/07/2018 23:01

Who wouldn't help themselves to water in a mates house? How ridiculous.

MiddleMoffat · 01/07/2018 23:49

Going against the grain. If you wouldn't do it as an adult then don't do it as a teen. Would anybody help themselves to somebody's food without asking? No.
I think you have taught them a lesson.

Imknackeredzzz · 01/07/2018 23:58

All well and good saying “taught them a lesson”
But it’s OP’s DD who’s likely to be teased about this and be mortified for quite some time

No a quiet word would have been quite sufficient in this situation

BackforGood · 02/07/2018 00:00

Butt MiddleMoffat - they didn't!
As far as they were concerned, they were in OP's dd's house, and she asked them / suggested they / agreed they could go into the kitchen and make some sarnies, for them to have, whilst they were waiting for her to get ready. They not only had permission, but they were actually doing the host a favour by doing that for her, whilst she was doing something else.
All OP has taught them is that they are not welcome in her house.

JakeBallardswife · 02/07/2018 00:07

@PooFlower I certainly get the teen bit being harder than the younger years. For a start they had a lunchtime nap and went to bed early.

I tend to keep extra bread in over the weekend or in the freezer, so that if they're hungry they can always make toast. I just buy loaves when they're cheap / near sell by date and they have that with jam or nutella.

AhoyDelBoy · 02/07/2018 05:58

@sunshinel
Agreed! I'd be mortified if my DD did this at a friends, not on at all.

This is probably one of many reasons why children are becoming 'entitled' these days. Strolling into friends kitchens and helping themselves (OK'd by OP's DD, YY that's been repeated over and over again) and parents accepting that this is OK? What happened to manners!? Very rude IMO.

Oblomov18 · 02/07/2018 06:12

I don't think it's rude at all. Your dd told them to. And when my ds's have friends over I would want them to feel welcome and go and help themselves.

Is money do tight and you so stretched that the real reason is you can't afford any more ham and bagels until Thursday?

AjasLipstick · 02/07/2018 07:25

Nobody strolled or helped themselves DelBoy. OP's DD told them to and some children are allowed to help themselves.

Mine certainly are. Both are fit, slim and have a good relationship with food.

They self-regulate and eat when hungry only. I can imagine, that if their mate told them to go and make a sandwich, then they would.

Because they're allowed to in their own home...they wouldn;t consider that some children can't.

AjasLipstick · 02/07/2018 07:26

Sunshine really? You don;t think it's the children's house too??

My God. No wonder there are so many fucked up kids around!

My children understand about budgets, they know about sharing and not taking more than their fair share but they certainly CAN make a sandwich when they like AND offer one to their friends.

They don't need to ask me!

dontknowwhattodo80 · 02/07/2018 08:48

Sorry off topic but I think I may have read something of a revelation....

You can toast frozen bread?! I'm assuming under the grill?

sirfredfredgeorge · 02/07/2018 08:54

You can toast frozen bread?! I'm assuming under the grill?

Or a toaster, even the cheapest ones these days have a "frozen" button usually (that doesn't do much but lengthen the setting of course)

Talith · 02/07/2018 08:59

I remember thinking it was the height of rudeness when my friends asked my mum for a drink at my house. I wouldn't have asked for anything, certainly not helped myself. -yes I am a bit uptight- Grin

In your situation OP as others have said it's a discussion to have with your daughter, the friends weren't to blame.

BackforGood · 02/07/2018 10:06

Grin don'tknowwhattodo

Just stick it in the freezer, but for a bit longer.

user1457017537 · 02/07/2018 10:19

Just wondering how ham, cheese and bagels were meant to last until Thursday with teens in the house

sirfredfredgeorge · 02/07/2018 10:19

BackforGood Wouldn't that mean it was now even more frozen bread rather than toast?

SoyDora · 02/07/2018 10:22

sirfredfredgeorge I think she meant stick it in the toaster for longer!

noseoftralee · 02/07/2018 12:56

I’m 8w pregnant. This thread has made me seek out a cheese, ham and lettuce bagel.

Also think crazybagelmom would make an excellent username

BackforGood · 02/07/2018 13:06

Thanks Soy.... don't know where 'freezer' came from, obviously it will cook better if you stick it in the toaster Grin

DeadGood · 02/07/2018 13:09

“YABU.

Your daughter gave them permission. It's her you should have a quiet word with

Not humiliate her in front of her friends.
They'll probably tell everyone at school you're a tightarse who is stingy with bagels.”

Totally agree with this.

I’m also incredulous that you have a problem with them including your younger daughter. They made a bagel for her, too - that’s thoughtful FGS.

DeadGood · 02/07/2018 13:12

“If you wouldn't do it as an adult then don't do it as a teen”

There are many things that people do as children that they don’t get away with as adults.

At 14, these are very much still children. Yes they need to learn sometime but that didn’t have to be in the form of being “told off”, which will have been embarrassing for all involved, especially OP’s daughters.

fluffiphlox · 02/07/2018 14:23

I remember talking to a guy who had six kids. He said if they all had friends round it was like the kitchen had been visited by a swarm of locusts.