To be cross that dd has just told her friends to come down and make food.

[PooFlower]

Dd age 14 has two friends in her room waiting for her to get ready.
The two girls have just come down and made cheese and ham bagels for themselves dd and my younger dd who has already eaten a good lunch.

Am I unreasonable to be really cross. I have just told them all off.
I can't afford to buy more bagels, cheese and ham. They were suppost to last until Thursday.
And I think its just so rude.
I would have been a bit cross if dd had made them, but the two girls just coming downstairs and going through the fridge and cupboard has shocked me. Is this usual behaviour these days?
They are fairly new friends too. I could understand with a very close friend we have known years but this isn't the case
Dd seems to think they have done nothing wrong.

I think you sound horrible.
DD was obviously trying to be a bit cool with her new friends who were hungry and sent them to make everyone bagels whilst she got ready.
You then scolded them and her. She must have been mortified, I'm cringing for her. What a nice welcome and impression you've made to her new friends.
You could have had a quiet word with her and told her not to do that again. Poor kid - I would NEVER humiliate my children like that, how nasty.

they didnt come over for a get togehter they were waiting for her to get ready

why do u have to feed everyone that walks into the house-not the friends fault as dd told them to but im with op sorry theyre not entitled to eat

When I was a teenager we all made food at each other’s houses. If parents were in the kitchen we probably would have asked if it was Okay and offered to make them some of what we were making too but we wouldn’t have gone out of our way to ask as it was just a given that it would be fine. My children are younger but I don’t expect them to ask every time they want to eat, they are allowed to help themselves to fruit, veg and sandwiches. My children check with treat food such as crisps, biscuits and ice creams. If money is tight I would speak to dad about that and maybe get in some cheaper food in that is fair game.

So people don’t care if their children help themselves to fruit veg & sandwiches even if it’s 20 minutes before a meal?

Maybe it’s because I have 5, that I don’t allow that because otherwise they would munch themselves through a fruit bowl in one sitting.

Breakfast, mid-morning snack (usually fruit), lunch, getting home from school snack and dinner ought to be sufficient.

I don’t understand this mindset encouraging children to graze and help themselves 24/7. Can’t be healthy and certainly isn’t cheap!

Most of my friends parents worked, so from secondary school age we would go back to each other’s houses after school and cook dinner with each other. We ate a lot of pasta! But we also tried out trickier recipes occasionally and if our parents were lucky they would have a cooked meal waiting for them when they returned home from work.

I once woke up in a blokes I was dating's house (good start) I was quite young at the time his family were home. Anyway he comes in with a cooked breakfast and the mankiest burnt brown toast. Anyway I ate the brekkie and chucked the toast only to have his sister march around the house holding said toast above her head declaring they werent made of money.

The bread was worth more than my dignity obviously

My children are all slim and active. They wouldn’t tend to make a sandwich or eat lots of fruit before a meal because they would know food is coming. I don’t offer out snacks but they are welcome to ask when younger or help themselves if able. They just eat a smaller meal if they have grazed. None of them overeat. Unhealthy food is limited though.

I sympathise but this was something to discuss with your daughter after they had gone home. You don’t have the relationship with her friends to handle it the way you did. They were guests of your daughter, she was responsible for them and until your reaction, they probably thought they were being helpful sorting out food for your both children not just themselves - and having no idea of a financial difficulty. Did you agree for her to have friends over? If money is that tight it was missing in your communication with your eldest beforehand and how you would manage them being hungry, typical growing teenagers. YABU - please repair the damage as far as possible.

There are some rude children about, but not surprised with so many parents on here saying they used to do it.
I'd be annoyed if my dd did this, you ask first. Mine knew to ask what was up for grabs/ spoken for and didn't even take things for themselves let alone encourage their friends to.

I suppose the guests were doing what they were told to do and probably thought that normal for your household.
I'd be mad at dd if she did this as she knows to behave more considerately.

Mine was mithering for a bowl of cereal 40 minutes before dinner. That’s why they have to ask. She ate up all her dinner of roast chicken, new potatoes and salad which otherwise would have been picked at.

My children are always asking for snacks. Half the time it’s either thirst or boredom! I try not to indulge it unless there is more than an hour before a meal, then they can make a sandwich.

Your DD was probably just trying to be hospitable. Teens aren't great at assessing the impact of their actions; she probably just thought she was doing something nice, offering her friends bagels.

I remember my mum laying down a few ground rules. Never use the last of anything without asking, make sure there's enough left for everyone else in the house or buy some more when you're out if you don't.

She did also tell me that it was rude to invite people in and not offer them anything.

There is no way i would have helped myself to food without checking with friends mum, even if friend told me too! It's really rude.

But i wouldnt have blasted them all like that, just a - can you ask next time as i needed those. Would have told dd not to do it again and sent her to replace them. Im on a tight budget (tighter than batman's pants) so wouldn't even splashed out on bagels, but my son has a habit of eating left overs that are cooling, without asking, which would be my food for the next day meaning i have to go without so i do get pretty pissed off.

Your DD is in the wrong, not her friends. They may be from families where there is no restriction on food, due to being well off. Your DD knows your circumstances, yet still told friends to go and make food, not on!

My own DD tries this sometimes, saying 'OH can we all (her friends) have so and so' and the answer is 'No, we don't have it', If she tries to push it, then the answer is 'No, we don't have it so spare', if she really wanted to push it, it would be 'Sorry, we are too skint to feed everyone, we can barely feed ourselves' but she has not pushed it that far, ever!

Your dd told these guests to do this, if you have an issue it should be with her not them. But you need to think, do you want a home where your dd and her friends feel comfortable to hang out in their teenage years, is that worth the bagels?

I know this was suggested a while ago but...

Oh my goddd please don’t tell them you’re hormonal

I had a childhood friend whose family were very short of money. I remember very occasionally the eldest would give me a slice of Madeira cake so thin you could see though it. It was the nicest cake ever. I was never shouted at or my friend embarrassed because they gave me a slice. It was the warmest, happiest home.

Your house does not sound like that OP. If you had caused that scene when my child was there I wouldn't let her go again.

I raised two sons, now adults, and I can’t imagine their friends being rude enough to go through my fridge, cupboards and cooking themselves something up. I never would have done that as a teen either. It’s not about money, they crossed the line.

I would have not said anything in front of the girls but had a go at my child when they left and told them it was not on.

A guest, especially a child, should never go hungry. It's simple etiquette, regardless of budget.

A guest, including a child, should not help themselves from someone's fridge or cupboards without asking. It's simple good manners.

Your poor daughter. You were incredibly rude to guests in your home and humiliated her in front of her friends.
Surely its normal to offer guests food and drink?
I'd have been annoyed your daughter didnt come down to help them but I wouldnt resent visiting teenagers food if they were there for the evening! Hearing that people do surprises me so much.

What exactly SHOCKED you about teenagers eating sandwiches?

They did ask presumably, their host, OP's daughter.

A child shouldn't help themselves to food without asking, these children had the express permission of their host to have this food however.

Reading the comments here from parents I can see why children think it is okay to rummage through people’s cupboards and help themselves without asking permission - they were raised with no manners by these very same parents. The 'gimme gimme gimme' generation.

The girls were there waiting for the OP’s daughter to get ready, they were not overnight guests going hungry.

Yes these children were rude. Maybe, as someone said before, it's generational, but as a teen I would not have disrespected other adults by going in their cupboards without their permission. Not permission from another child, a child doesn't run the household.

OP your daughter should know better and you need to deal with that. She should apologise to YOU not the other way around! Welcoming children into your home does not mean you let them stroll through the house doing what they please. You can be a welcoming mom and still make it clear that you are the one in charge, not your daughter.