To not want to live with a man again?

[Solsikke89]

Just separated from ex, I married really young. Didn't know who I was or what I wanted, there's just so many things I want to do with my life now. And I do want to be in a relationship again, not now obviously but later.

However I don't want to live with another man again. I just want us to have our own houses and see each other like that. When I explain this to my mum, she's like . But I just can't live with another man again, I like my space too much.

Anyone feel like me?

My DM and DSD didn’t move in together until they’d been married for 7 years (together for 14). Worked perfectly tbh!

I agree with you AFistfulofDolores1, that sort of relationship would not work for me at all. Especially this part:

He comes cuddle with me when I want it and stays in his office or man-cave when he knows I’m wanting some space. He only watches tv if I want some company watching tv

Can you imagine what it must be like to be constantly arranging yourself around someone like this. It must be mentally draining let alone all the physical activities he does.

It actually put me totally on edge reading it, Vladimir - I tend to have a very fine attunement to the behaviours of those who negate themselves in favour of someone else. I have this because I was one of those people myself. This may make me hyper-vigilant in some cases, and I may be seeing things where they are not. But I tend to give myself the benefit of the doubt when that radar starts bleeping, which it is here.

I can so relate to this thread, my DP just got back after a week away and I wish he'd fuck off again. I look at little houses and fantasise about living on my own with DC. Maybe he could live next door.

@VladmirsPoutine I never ask. What I mean is he will offer and I will say yes I’d like a cuddle whilst watching tv or nope I’d not like a cuddle whilst watching tv.

@AFistfulofDolores1 His life is very separate to ours as he works away most of the time, most weeks he’s away so usually gets only weekends with us. I think the problem is that he tries too hard to integrate into our lives to make up for being away. I work from home, we have a newborn and two other children, we have our routines and such and then DP comes along and tries to fit into it the best he can. As he only generally spends 1 and a half days a week with us it’s difficult to see how he would be fitting his life around us! He does his own thing most of the time, but he wants to also spend time with us... so yeah I find it pretty easy to live with! He’s happy, as are we.

1 and a half days a week. ..?
Um...I hate to break it to ya Frantically but..this guy doesn't live with you!
That's why it's nice

Lol maybe you’re right! And generally yeah. He works from home 25% of the time as part of his contract (although to be honest i don’t even think he gets the 25%!) but we do go to London with him quite often... or did before we had a newborn. He’s been home for a month now due to newborn and about to go back and he’s been wonderful though, that said... because it’s been such a long stretch this time I’ve been blown out of whack and now depending on him, so likely going to struggle and I really dislike the fact I’ve grown to depend on him even if it is because I’ve been tackling a new baby, I really don’t like that feeling

I was actually replying to you challenging my previous post. My back is not up. Read my first post.

It's nothing to do with "depending on the type of man" for me. It could be the most perfect man in the world and I still wouldn't want to live with him. Because I don't want to make joint decisions about finances or what to have for dinner or what colour to paint a wall or what furniture to buy. I want to do everything MY way.

Selfish? Maybe. But I want to be selfish at this point in my life. I'm fed up of having to make "joint" decisions and pander to another person.

The only way I would live a man again would be if the house was so big we could go days without seeing each other, I'd have the east wing and he would have the west wing. Even then, I'd probably still want the house to myself.

Selfish? Maybe. But I want to be selfish at this point in my life. I'm fed up of having to make "joint" decisions and pander to another person

This times a billion!

I spent 20 years giving in to ExH for an easy life, it's my turn to be selfish!

Selfish? Maybe. But I want to be selfish at this point in my life. I'm fed up of having to make "joint" decisions and pander to another person

There is no way choosing to remain single is selfish

Not unreasonable at all!! I split from ex 3 years ago after 22 years of marriage and 3 kids, all of whom are now away with college/uni/forces (although latter is only Mon-Fri . I am now in a settled relationship but we both know that we a) never want to get married again and b) never want to live together. On average we spend 3-5 nights a week together but the ones that we dont are vital so we can each sort our own stuff out.
He stayed last night but just went home as he has loads of 'stuff' to do and I want to spend the day cleaning and tidying my shithole of a house - kids returning from uni and stuff is EVERYWHERE!

it works for us! I think if you are clear from the outset them whats the harm?!

Absolutely the way to go. OH and I don't live together as he is in one city and I'm in another. I go stay with him and he stays with me but our lives are independent of one another. Not the cheapest way to live but if you are one who needs her own space the relationship works best this way.
Good luck

you are a proper family. They come in all shapes and sizes

Thanks Jaques you are correct of course

Hi op. My mum told me after she left my dad she knew she could never live with a man again. I was 7 then and I'm 39 and she still hasn't. It was due to dv back then but later she said she couldn't bear to argue about who would take the bins out! Or feel obliged to cook their tea. She has a full and interesting life and she's not lonely.

I lived alone for 3 years after I left exh, lived with exp for 2 and now I'm alone again with the dds thank god!

I've just bought a dinky new build and I love it. Our house is calm and ordered and safe and we do what we like. My dds are very happy and settled we are very lucky. I wouldn't rule out living with someone again but my god the bar is high!!

@JacquesHammer I don't think there is either but I've been called that when I try and explain to people why I like being single. I think it's a lot better to be honest about how I feel than to just go along with what society expects.

I like life the way it is, DS and I.

When my last child left home I'd had (counting marriage pre-kids) 27 years of living with other people's mess, noise, choice in music, TV, pets, food - now it's my turn. My OH comes on visits but what I do in my space is up to me! It's mostly freeze and starve, admittedly, because running a house alone on a NMW job is nearly impossible, but I'd rather live with no heating and put another jumper on than have to sit through someone laughing hysterically at 'Mrs Brown's Boys' saying 'why aren't you watching? Come and watch, it's reeeealllly funny!' When I'm trying to read a book.

I think I would feel like you, though there are obvious benefits in theory of sharing costs, chores, having an enduring close companionship.

I think it is educational to look at older couples or singles you know and think about their set ups - one often now a carer for the other whether due to mental health, mental decline, or physical health - do they have a better quality of life for living together? Probably, overall, in my experience. Would I choose to take on that potential committment for someone I met later in life and haven’t been through a life journey with? Many older people I know happily have.

My mum hasn't lived with a man for 22 years. She can't bear it. Absolutely fine, do what's right for you. To be honest, living with dp is so difficult sometimes, I honestly feel I would be happier on my own or in an all women commune type place. The amount of compromise sometimes makes me feel like my life isn't my own. But maybe that's just because dd is small. Either way, I get where you're coming from. I don't think my mum could ever live with anyone again, she is so fiercely independent now and can't stand anyone encroaching on her time and space.

Those of you who've lived 20+years with exh, I can't imagine how liberating it must feel to finally live on your own and be you

I am an older person (62) and was widowed at 54. Once every two to three weeks my gentleman caller comes for the weekend. We go out for meals and to the cinema and theatre. By 3pm on the Sunday I am pushing him out of the door and reclaiming my space again. Once a year we camp at a festival; 4 days on the trot is about a much as I can take of his company. He is a lovely, thoughtful, clean chap but I will never live with him full time. My home is mine (and my dogs).

Yanbu. If I ever divorce or am widowed there is no way I would live with, or combine finances with, another man. Would be just dcs and me.

That’s not because I don’t like living with the man I already live with (dh). Just because I wouldn’t risk it again.

I get a whole load of when I tell people I want to have a relationship but not actually live together EVER.

Apparently I'm weird (said by guys I've spoken to).

I'd still not want to live together if we had kids.

He can have them 50% of the time! And pay me to babysit whilst he's at work

By 3pm on the Sunday I am pushing him out of the door and reclaiming my space again.

😂😂😂

I also believe that this way of living only suits people who like and are happy in their own company. I know people, men and women who can't stand to be alone and need to be in a relationship ASAP to be happy. I find that sad, I've also liked my own company, even as a child would sit in my bedroom and read, whilst the rest of my family were downstairs playing games or watching tv.