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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live with a man again?

179 replies

Solsikke89 · 29/06/2018 17:38

Just separated from ex, I married really young. Didn't know who I was or what I wanted, there's just so many things I want to do with my life now. And I do want to be in a relationship again, not now obviously but later.

However I don't want to live with another man again. I just want us to have our own houses and see each other like that. When I explain this to my mum, she's like Hmm. But I just can't live with another man again, I like my space too much.

Anyone feel like me?

OP posts:
speakout · 29/06/2018 20:26

You may end up having an adult son living with you.

IfNot · 29/06/2018 20:29

That's different though speakout.
You are Mum to your son, you can complain about his mucky pants on the floor.
That dynamic between sexual partners just destroys the romance totally.

JacquesHammer · 29/06/2018 20:32

You may end up having an adult son living with you

Categorically won’t happen.

Original poster
Solsikke89 · 29/06/2018 20:33

@speakout I have two sons, and when I say I don't want to live with a man again, I don't really think of them. Of course they will be men one day, but it's different.

OP posts:
SpecialAgentNobody · 29/06/2018 20:36

I’m 10 years out of a 12 year marriage. I haven’t lived with anyone since 2008 and I never will again.

Suits me just fine.

Happy as a pig in shit 😆

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 29/06/2018 20:38

I'm far too set in my ways to live with ANYONE else again. Well, DD can stay for the moment, I suppose (on account of being 6).

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/06/2018 20:39

Solsikke89

I know quite a few people that think as you do (I am one myself).

It works well if there is no other expectation.

Live apart and visit often as my friends say.

speakout · 29/06/2018 20:40

You are Mum to your son, you can complain about his mucky pants on the floor.
That dynamic between sexual partners just destroys the romance totally.

Then don't accept dirty pants on the floor from a sexual partner.

Be a queen bee.

Original poster
Solsikke89 · 29/06/2018 20:40

Wow can't believe you all feel the same as me.

Not saying all but most men prefer to be with a women, they need that companionship, where as most women are happy on their own. My ex is already in the process of moving in with his new girlfriend, literally only known her for a few monthsHmm

OP posts:
Idratherhaveacupoftea · 29/06/2018 20:44

Been on my own for years after divorce. I'm far too selfish after all this time to ever want anyone living with me.

happypoobum · 29/06/2018 20:44

YANBU.

I have lived with teen DC and no bloke for 8 years and it's bliss. I have had boyfriends but I absolutely will not live with someone again, I couldn't bear it.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 29/06/2018 20:50

I'm not prepared to waste my time and energy "not accepting" a partner's behaviour in my home, though.

"Queen bee" to me would mean the relationship was still unbalanced. Not least because there isn't a "King" counterpart. Just drones. Nah. I have no respect for men who are drones either.

BitchQueen90 · 29/06/2018 20:52

I have had a "friend with benefits" for a while (only ever see him on the nights DS is with my ex) it's bliss. He lives 100 miles away from me and knowing there is that distance and he'll be going home in the morning is fantastic. Grin

Having an adult son around is different though. I love my son unconditionally, I could never love a partner unconditionally.

IfNot · 29/06/2018 21:00

Then don't accept dirty pants on the floor from a sexual partner.

The only way to "not accept" it is to tell them. Repeatedly. I.e nag.
And if they don't listen you have to go through the angst of wondering if yabu to chuck out a bloke over pants.
I can't be arsed.
I just think the minute a man gets his feet under the table his standards slide.
I am the Queen of my house right now.

NotARegularPenguin · 29/06/2018 21:05

I fantasise about living on my own

Original poster
Solsikke89 · 29/06/2018 21:06

@NotARegularPenguin then do it 😜

OP posts:
speakout · 29/06/2018 21:07

The only way to "not accept" it is to tell them. Repeatedly. I.e nag.

No.
Lots of other creative ways.

Sparklesocks · 29/06/2018 21:11

My dad and his partner are like this!

He was married to my mum for 25 years, they divorced 10 years ago and he’s now in a committed relationship with a woman. However they both like their space, he likes being able to go in his ‘man cave’ and watch football etc, and she is very into clothes and bags and needs a lot of storage!

So as a compromise they live on the same street..a few houses apart! See each other every day and stay over when they like but have time alone too. Suits them perfectly!

I think it’s about finding a balance that’s right for you and makes you happy Smile

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 29/06/2018 21:11

There's nothing wrong with being independent, and preferring to live alone. It just seems sad to assume that it's always negative to share a house with someone. I prefer when my DH is home, and I do like living with someone. We have a bit less freedom because of the kids, but we do our own things, and meet back at home.

It probably helps when you can all have your own space, kids included, and life doesn't revolve around housework - chores are banned at the weekend here.

not sure why anyone would try to change your mind if you are happy the way you are, just pointing out that not all couples are living in misery.

Quimby · 29/06/2018 21:16

Yup
Love my wife but if anything ever happened I wouldn’t shack up in the future, can’t imagine liking someone enough to put up with the hassle again.

Trilogy18 · 29/06/2018 21:21

I have been living with teen DC for 5 years post divorce and even in the very early days I knew with absolute certainty that I would never share my house with anyone but them ever again.

It is fab. I love having my own room and my own bathroom which no-one else is allowed to enter. I have my space exactly as I like it (very uncluttered). My exH was a nasty abusive grown up baby who had me running around after him all the time. Never again!

I am counting the days until DD goes to university (September 2019) as she is all about the bitchiness, attitude and complaining, however hard I try and, whilst it may be normal at that age, I have run out of patience with it. I just want space and peace and relationships are just not worth it. Wish I had known that 30 years ago!

speakout · 29/06/2018 21:26

Trilogy18 I don;t know if that is "normal"

My DD goes to University this year. We have a blast. No "bitchiness, attitude and complaining", total mutual admiration and fun I'm afraid.
But then OH and I are similarly supportive of each other.

Afraid it can work sometimes.

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/06/2018 21:28

This is how I live with my OH. Thirty miles between us is just about right. I recommend it (but mostly because he's ASD and if I had to live with him I'd kill him with a fork).

JacquesHammer · 29/06/2018 21:30

To be honest I’m not even interested in having any sort of serious relationship.

It’s just not something I need or want, especially as I have the physical side taken care of.

I’m very much looking forward to how life will develop with DD

WerkSupp · 29/06/2018 21:31

YANBU

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