Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to choose the same baby name as my sister?

291 replies

jane2019 · 29/06/2018 16:07

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

OP posts:
liquidrevolution · 29/06/2018 17:29

Names run in 2s in my family so a lot of cousins and now children of cousins share names. We all don't live close together so only meet a few times a year at most.

It's not a big deal. Just speak to your sister though.

CheeseTheDay · 29/06/2018 17:32

By rights, you can choose any name you wish, BUT I would give serious thought to using the same name your sister has used. First cousins having the same name, would seem bizarre to me.

When I was in my tweens and early teens, I dreamed of naming my first daughter Violet. However, my big sister beat me to it, so it's the name of my 18-year DNiece instead. My sister had no idea that I dreamt of using the name, and I didn't say anything to her.

Five years later, I had my first DD, who DH and I named Iris. My DSis was due just a couple of months after me. After we announced the name, she said to me, "that's the name we'd planned for a second daughter, so back to the drawing board for us!" That was when I'd told her about my love of Violet, and we laughed, and said 'now we're even'. Confirmation that there was no resentment on my DSis' part came, when she had her second DD, and gave her my name as a middle name! Grin

It never entered my head for a moment, to name DD1 Violet, even though I know I absolutely would have done, if DSis hadn't used it first. From the moment DSis used it, I saw it as my niece's name. I don't think it would have been fair to my daughter, to have given her the same name as her first cousin, because it would almost be like she was the copy (and her cousin the original). Does that make sense?

Personally, I think you're going to have to put Benjamin to one side, and look for inspiration elsewhere.

longwayoff · 29/06/2018 17:33

Are you envisaging spending a good few years on mumsnet explaining how awful you sister is after the Big Family Row? If not then choose something else you are being absurd.

Halebeke425 · 29/06/2018 17:35

Why don't you tell your sister all this and see what she thinks? If you are going to do it, it would be really bad form to just announce the name you've chosen without at least letting her know. I think you should have a chat with her then think about it some more. If she's cool with Benji and Benjamin and it's not too weird then why not. Personally, knowing another child with the name would put me off let alone it being a nephew. I definitely wouldn't do it without consulting her.

There are so many names out there, just try being a bit more open minded about it.

ofclocksandkings · 29/06/2018 17:38

I have a (step) cousin with the same as me. Our families joined together when we were babies and it didn't occur to us that we weren't blood relatives for at least a decade. It never bothered either of us that we had the same name, and the adults didn't get confused either (other than occasionally calling one of us and the wrong one coming). Obvs our parents didn't know when they named us, but it didn't affect us at all.

Gingertam · 29/06/2018 17:38

Can't believe you're even considering this! Just no.

Helmetbymidnight · 29/06/2018 17:40

There is only one name you could tolerate for your child and that is the name of your nephew?

Really?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 29/06/2018 17:42

Nope.

ladymelbourne1926 · 29/06/2018 17:43

Sorry but Honestly no you can't do this really. Benjamin will always get shortened by other anyway.

TatianaLarina · 29/06/2018 17:47

Absolutely not.

I don’t believe there’s no other name out there you like, it’s very average name.

flyingspaghettimonster · 29/06/2018 17:48

I think it is ridiculous and you just need to find a new name. My cousin was named the same first name as me, and it was always really weird, and I don't even go by my first name. Two Benjamins as grandsons is just weird for the grandparents and it will seem really odd. I would worry it would lead to favouritism with the grandparents too - like your son is usurping on their existing grandson's place...

GreatGizmos · 29/06/2018 17:49

Names that are like Benjamin:
Alexander
Thomas
Sebastian
Zachary
Jack
Theodore
ReuBEN :D

TheMagnificentEthel · 29/06/2018 17:49

My mother and her brother have children with the same name but obviously different surname.

Benjamin Smith and Benji Jones. Fine.

LuMarie · 29/06/2018 17:49

In this case, I would ask her if it's ok first, but I think she'll be happy!

It's not a stranger with an unusual name you've just heard them tell you they are dreaming and you want to use whilst they are still TTC (another thread here when I didn't think it was ok!).

It's your sister, there is a nickname for one child already, probably different surnames, you love the name, you chose it 12 year ago, it's not an uncommon or unique name! Maybe add a middle name to distinguish it a bit too if there is something you like.

The first baby born in my family of my generation was named after my grandmother. I was born about a year and a half later, second grandchild, I was also named after her! No problems at all. The family use my first and middle name to refer to me, I like it as it's a warm family thing, I know they've been calling me that since many of them were holding me as a baby. Absolutely no problem. We are a big family, with all the naming after people traditions we have multiples of several names across generations, it's actually really lovely, theres a bond there.

My brother's first child was born before I had one of the same, I knew the name I wanted forever too, my brother had the name on his shortlist and when the baby was born I actually had the last say and I chose the name I love for the baby! It's a family name and if I have one of the same, I would ask and fully expect brother to say of course go ahead.

I have a friend with a daughter whose name I freaking love, I never would have thought of it, but love it and her little girl. I told my friend in passing one day for the millionth time what a beautiful name she had chosen and said I would have chosen it if we didn't have one already, my friend said go ahead, you can still use it! I'd be naming a child after her daughter who I am very close to if I did that, we both loved the idea.

SaucyJack · 29/06/2018 17:50

You really can't possibly think of a name other than Ben that you might like Confused ?

Christ on a bike.

Lindy2 · 29/06/2018 17:52

No. It would be creepy and weird of you to do that.
Pick another name.

LuMarie · 29/06/2018 17:55

Oh, my grandparents had multiple grandchildren with the same name, some of us have the same name as Aunts and Uncles or them (or both!), they were completely happy! Children are individuals and honestly, it's a nice bond to share a family name with someone.

midnightmisssuki · 29/06/2018 17:56

I don’t know why everyone is telling you you can’t name him Benjamin - of course you can, the name is not hers! It comes down to how she would feel about it, and how it will affect your relationship surely - and how much you think she would care. Would I? No. My sister wouldn’t care but I wouldn’t want to have a similar name.

niknac1 · 29/06/2018 17:57

I would keep looking to be honest. Good luck hunting.

HildaSnibbs · 29/06/2018 18:01

Surely the only thing to do is talk to your sister? My sister and I are very close and live nearby and both have 2 DDs. If she'd sat me down and said that she and her husband had always loved and planned to use one of my DDs names and did I mind if they used it, then I genuinely think I would have been fine with that. I actually think I'd have found it really cute Smile

I think it's odd that people are saying "it's unoriginal " as an argument against - well, very few names are original, you're likely to meet plenty of other people with the same name in your life. Also "it's confusing for the grandparents "! How patronising Grin I think my mum would roll her eyes at us and just call them "Hilda's X" and "Sister's X".

Just talk to your sister and sort it out between you but make sure she tells you how she really feels - give her some time to think it over. Hope you manage to sort it out!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 29/06/2018 18:02

I'm always a bit Hmm at these type of threads-there are so many names to choose from & you honestly can't find one other you both like?
It's not even like it's a distant relative is it-Who wants the same name as thier cousin?
Start googling baby names or agree to the one your DH has suggested as an alternative.

LuMarie · 29/06/2018 18:06

If my brother wanted to name a child the same as I have, I actually would be quite touched.

They must really think a lot of my child to name theirs after, plus they are creating a family name and it's a compliment on my taste!

If anyone I wasn't related to wanted a name I had used and asked me, I would say of course, go ahead!

I would be upset if i discovered someone had their heart set on a not especially unusual name but didn't use it because I already had and they thought I would be upset that they'd missed something they loved. That's like me taking a name away from them! You've wanted it forever, if you still do, talk to your sister!

ReginaPhalange20 · 29/06/2018 18:06

I'd do it.
I barely ever seen my cousins, so if me and all 18 of them shared the same name, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest 😂

Jojoanna · 29/06/2018 18:10

No why would you want the same name as your nephew ? I get you always liked it but there must be another name

Amanduh · 29/06/2018 18:12

Just no. I’d hate it as the child too. I think it’s ridiculous

Swipe left for the next trending thread