to choose the same baby name as my sister?

[jane2019]

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

She's your sister - why don't you ask her what she thinks? Every time these threads come up I'm baffled by the strength of feeling over names - I honestly couldn't get worked up about it (I know I'm in the minority here).

Won't the little person grow into the name you give them anyway? I know that I've come to like names I disliked (and hate names I used to like) because of associations with people I've met.

YABU. I totally get that its annoying when you were set on that name but it is just really odd to give your child the same name as your nephew, there are thousands and thousands of other names, he may be a Benji now but he may want to be called Ben/Benjamin as he gets a little older and it will be weird to have two with the same name.

My father named my brother the same name as his sister's child. (Still with me?) I don't know what possessed my parents to do this, as they lived within walking distance of each other. They might as well have used his middle name in the first place because that's what he was known as all his life. It's not only when you actually visit them that causes confusion, but when family members are talking 'about' them. It'll turn out to be a 'which Ben?' situation.
Or Sue's Ben and Mary's Ben. There's such a lot of names to choose from. What would you name a second son. should you have one?

My brother in law has the same name as his cousin, very close family as well. They ended up being called by their first and middle names eg Christopher John and Christopher James.
I wouldn’t do it, what would you call your second son?

as long as you are not calling him Benji I don't see a problem
its a name you have always loved and you may regret it later

Her son will be ALWAYS be the original Benjamin though. In Indian culture name duplicatation often occurs in first cousins, but the second / third ones often get ridiculous nicknames that stick forever. Same will probably happen to your son if you choose to duplicate your nephew’s name.

If your sister doesn't have an issue with it then I don't see why not.

I know someone who gave their child the same name as their sisters dog!!

Well, I liked the name Owen and wanted to name our son that but my sister-in-law had already chosen a variation of it for her son so it was off limits. It was frustrating because I wanted to name our son after my father (whose name is also a variation of Owen) but that's the way it goes. Nothing to be done. You'll just have to pick a different name that you like.

Interesting point about future children OP. And a helpful way to look at it. If you had another boy further down the line what would you call him? (please not Ben again)

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

And again NO.

I personally wouldn't - totally feel your pain because my sibling has just named their baby my favourite ever boy's name! And they certainly don't own the name so if you wouldn't mind it, it is really up to you. But I think it might be slightly strange and confusing as it's a close relationship.

But honestly it is up to you - maybe have a chat with her about it and see how she would feel? She might not mind at all!

NO on every level, of you cannot overcome it for yourself then overcome it for your child, you are not being fair to saddle your child with the same name as his cousin, surely between you you can find a lovely, individual name unique to your child within the family.

OP you don't HAVE to do anything.
Speak to your sister.
Her son is Benji, yours is Benjamin.
You don't see her regularly so it doesn't sound like it's a huge issue really.

No I would not do it
Pick another name

Benedict? Bennett?

YABU. Your poor family and friends, can you imagine?! "Benji! Benjamin, even! Shit, whatever the hell your name is, come here!"

My DSis and I have children not with the same name at all, but similar sounding. Even that's a complete nightmare when we're all in the same house.

If I was your sister, I would feel hurt and extremely annoyed if you picked the same name. It could ruin your relationship.. .

No! It would be very hurtful to your sister and quite rude. And the rest of the family would think you were copying or competitive.
A name should be unique. How would you feel if you'd used the name first and your sister used it for her child a few years later?

I like the posters suggesting names starting with the same initials, but it's not a puppy, it's fine to chose a different name entirely

I would ask her if she minds. Although judging by previous replies she probably will! It wouldn't particularly bother me, but I have an extremely common name and I'm really used to other people having the same name as me.

Keep reading the baby name book, OP, there'll be another one out that that you love

Benjamin as a middle name would be fine, IMO, though

I had always wanted a Jacob. Since a teen and before DH. Had really positive experiences of any Jacob I had ever met.

DTs some 20 years later (both boys) neither is Jacob and yet that was firmly at the top of my list until they were born.

Sorry but I think you can have a dibbs on a name, especially among cousins and especially if no one has previously expressed a preference (as you didn't).

I’m going to add, you now shouldn’t use Benjamin, so get over it....but use your imagination and find a wonderful new name. I had a lovely name I dreamed of for my daughter, hubby was NO way but I know I could have pushed him, instead we went traditional, now she’s at school with girls called Ginger, Indigo, Aurora, Mimi, Blossom etc not names I would have chosen but nevertheless names that suit these beautiful girls, individual and I wish I’d gone for my ‘off the wall’ choice instead of traditional, my daughter is now 10 and chooses as her nickname the name I originally wanted, that is how she is known to all her friends and she loves it!!