to choose the same baby name as my sister?

[jane2019]

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

I wouldn't.

My friend's brother did this. Her daughter was already called Amy. Then the brother had a girl about 8 years later & also called her Amy, although they spelt it differently.

I kept saying but your mum had 2 granddaughters called Amy. But they were all happy & it never caused a problem.

My daughter has an unusual hyphenated name. My sons best friends mum had a baby girl after 3 boys & announced she would be called her the same name as my daughters.

I was a bit taken aback at first, but it's a beautiful name & I guess it's a compliment if someone wants the use the same name too.

No

If you had 2 sons, you would call the second one something else.

So this time call your first son by the name you would have picked for your second son.

You will think of something else when you have discounted Benjamin.

You could use Benjamin for a middle name.

Benji is your nephew, he already has a big place in your heart. Give your child is own name otherwise it will be our benji and their Benji.

It's also embarrassing for sister and mum. It's such a social no no. They would spend half their time explaining yeah it's weird, but otherwise she is normal just have to accept this. (Or worse they join in the negative chat).

So what would you name the other twin if you were having twin boys?

How about Barnaby or Gregory?

Why not? My grandfather had 3 brothers. All 4 of them had daughters and all had the same name. OK, back then a woman changed her name on marriage, but it still means I have/had 3 Great Aunt Cecilys. Nver bothered anyone.

We have two cousins of the same name. We call them name-middle name to differentiate. They’re late twenties/thirties now.

I have three first cousins all with the same name as me. We are all known by our first and last names in the family.
Mary Smith, Mary Brown, Mary Hill and Mary Finch.
I hated to hear ‘how is little Johnny and Mary Smith’. It made me feel like a stranger in my own family.

Can't believe people are suggesting Barnaby. When the OP wants Benjamin. Or Gregory. (WTF? GREGORY?! )

May as well suggest Ermintrude to someone who wants to call their daughter Emily FFS! Or Royston to someone who wants to call their son Ryan.

@jane2019 call your child whatever name you want.

I had a name I wanted for a girl 10 years before she was born, and would NEVER have not used it because of some precious snowflake telling me I cannot use it!

Please don't do this. I know two families where the husbands are brothers. One couple had a girl and gave her an unusual name. Then the other brother's wife had a baby girl (was pregnant around the same time) and gave her the exact same unusual name, moved to the same town and eventually put their daughter in the same school (and school year). It caused the first SIL huge grief and she never got over feeling pissed off. Try Benedict instead. And tell your sister beforehand.

I don't think that you can do this. There are zillions if names to choose from. When ( as in my family) there are lots of a certain name it is acceptable as a family tradition but in any other sense it is selfish. Are you going to say to your son that he was named after his cousin? What would your sister think?
Please don't. And don't say there are NO other names to choose that is patently not true and what will happen if you have another son , will he be Ben too?

Meh, I can't get worked up over this kind of thing. I've known a few families where this has happened and no-one finds it weird, creepy, unoriginal or confusing. I know cousins Rab and Bobby, James and Jimmy, Sarah and Sadie, Charlotte and Lottie, Ian and Ian. No one died.

Only time it came close to a punch-up were two sisters who were pregnant with a DD at the same time, one due 3 weeks before the other. The later one had chosen a name straight away and kept it secret, but we knew what letter it would start with as the entire family had the same initials, e.g. B.B. Earlier one hadn't chosen a name. When early DD was born and they couldn't choose, the midwife suggested B_, which of course was the other one's chosen name.

Lots of pressure was applied to the earlier one not to use it, but she did, and when the later one was born, her DD got the name too. They are known as e.g. Trixie and Beatrice but it did spoil the first month or so for both new mothers. They laugh about it now though, and the cousins don't give a shit.

Haven’t you read the threads on here where siblings have done this and the untold hurt and rift it’s caused???

Choose another name

@HoratioNightboy - you do realise that other people can and do have different experiences and reactions to you, don’t you? Something that I think is proved by the threads that crop up on here where the OP and other posters complain about a close relative/friend ‘stealing’ their name.

In some sections of the Jewish religion it is a good thing to name a child after someone who has died.

Who's died?

Op, don't do it. Are you only going to have one child? What would you do if you have a second son?

The reason you can't find another name you like is because you've fixated on this name for 12 years, not because there are no other nice names.

I wouldn't

@HoratioNightboy - you do realise that other people can and do have different experiences and reactions to you, don’t you?

Yes, and we're all allowed to post about them.

My husband has the same name as his cousin and it caused and still causes confusion in the family, and it is particularly hard for the grandparents.
Sorry OP you need to just keep looking, there are millions of names.

I'm genuinely concerned about people's judgement on this thread and others I've read tonight. Do you really have to ask? Are you hoping some random strangers on the Internet will say it's okay so you can justify it?

In case it's not clear and your own brain is unable to work it out, no do not do this!

Out of thousands of possible names, hundreds of thousands even, you can only find one you like. You're being utterly ridiculous.

random strangers on the Internet saying it's not okay shouldn’t be a deterrent
Make your own mind up and live with it

As nearly everyone has said, YABU.

Oh no I wouldn't.
A friend of mine has given her baby the same first name as me, which I do find really weird. She didn't even tell me beforehand!

Mn isn’t the social oracle.its ok to be at odds with mn posters.