I think DH is upholding the glass ceiling (not DIY). WIBU?

[Pa1oma]

DH has a company which employs maybe a thousand people, of which probably about 40% are women. It’s not a traditionally male industry like construction, however, in 15 years, there has never been a female director. Whenever I’ve asked him why this is, he says he would like this to change but no women seem to apply.

Then last night I heard him in the phone to someone discussing restructuring the board of directors and his words were, “She’d be worth consideration, but she’ll probably have a baby or something soon” . When he got off the phone, I told him what I’d heard and asked him if he knew for a fact that this woman was pregnant. He said, “Well I wouldn’t know but she’s in her late 30s and I think she’s been discussing it”.

His argument is he’s not going to risk over £100k on someone if he’s not sure they’re going to see “the next phase” through. My argument is, he is not in a position to presume anything about anyone. WIBU?

Of course YANBU. He is acting illegally. He won't care about that, of course.

Excuses like 'she might have a baby' are used by misogynistic arseholes.

There are no female directors because he sends the message loud and clear that he does not want women in leadership. His staff will know full well what a misogynist he is - men think they can hide it but it trickles down in every aspect of the business.

If it's any consolation there are many many other men throughout the world exactly like him. It's just a shame you married one of them.

His actions are illegal and sexist. Nice

He’s an arse. An unenlightened misogynist arse.

His argument is he’s not going to risk over £100k on someone if he’s not sure they’re going to see “the next phase” through.

He’s got no guarantee of that from a man either.

I’d be raging.

What he is doing is illegal.

However, you say My argument is, he is not in a position to presume anything about anyone, the implication being that you believe that if she was actually pregnant or planning to become pregnant, it would be OK to discriminate against her because of her sex, so TBH, you're as bad as him.

Sorry you married a cunt op. for you.

Yes, he’s breaking the law and he’s a misogynist.

So what no, OP? You okay with being married to someone like that?

YADNBU.

WTF. Unfortunately unsurprisingly yet still depressing.

Ask him: what happens if the guy you hire in the future takes shared parental leave 2 weeks after the birth of their child and is out for 12 months?

Do you have DD’s?

He's a dinosaur. He cannot make assumptions about anyone's interests in parenthood. I bet he wouldn't challenge a similarly aged man.

If she did 'have a baby or something', plenty of women return successfully and rapidly to a full time career, if the company they work for is supportive, which it doesn't sound like he would be. Director level women are more likely to return because the salary will not be outweighed by childcare costs.

Your DH is a misogynistic arse. Sorry that you had to find out.

If they've got that many employees, then I'm assuming it's a company who's name will be recognised in most household.

If it were you, I'd be whistleblowing. I'd make what he said public. But I'm guessing you won't do that.

My biggest fear as a woman approaching 30 is that I'll end up working for someone like your DH.

Directors are usually with a company for years. If he wants to risk losing out on several years of the best candidate for the sake of a year or less maternity leave, he's not that great at business or management to be honest.

There's no excuse for his views.

IME if the woman isn't of childbearing age there are a whole range of other excuses for not hiring her - she's not really assertive enough, people won't take her seriously - that are essentially code for 'she's not a man' and usually the woman has to far far far outstrip any man to even be considered for senior roles - she pretty much has to be so perfect that any objections against her will be so obviously misogynistic that no one can raise them.

What really annoys me though is that in the face of this nonsense so many people, women and men alike, say that there's no discrimination. It might not be legal any more to advertise a lower female wage but that doesn't stop anyone from simply refusing to choose women for jobs, again and again.

He’s gonna lose for that 100k if one of these women sue him.
I’m sorry but your DH is a twat

MsVestibule - I don't think that's how it reads! More like, as other posters have said, any person appointed could leave in short order.

My respect for my H would immediately vanish completely if I heard that.

He’s the problem. He is upholding a misogynistic system.

To be honest, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and wondered if I was hearing it correctly or had got it out of context, which was why I asked him.
I told him it flies in the face of everything he claims to be - ie inclusive eg. he says he’s made great efforts to introduce flexible hours and good maternity packages.
No I don’t think it would be ok to discriminate if she were actually pregnant, of course, but it’s even more annoying that he’s just presumed this because she’s “about 35” and on some vague idea that she’s been talking about it in the office. This is boll*cks, I think. She is in the NYC office anyway, so how would he know? It turns out she uprooted from London to go over there - if that’s not commitment what is?
I have told him I’m far from impressed, yes.

Well perhaps if she wasn't discussing children then maybe she'd be appointed.
I'd say the same for a man talking about taking pat leave tbh.
You can't run a business with people popping off every now and again.
We don't employ anyone atm but hoping too soon. The business demands would mean you couldn't have somebody off on maternity and a lot of businesses can't afford to pay 2 wages for one job, whilst someone is on maternity.

Gilly if you had a brain you would know that you can reclaim the vast majority of maternity pay from the government.

What are you going to do about the potential for your potential employees to get sick? Or are you going to avoid employing humans entirely?

This is grim. And awful that he does not know that he is part of the problem. No, correction, he is the problem. It is stunning if he doesn’t seem to think that he is.

I would not only be raging. I would be questioning whether I married someone with any morals at all. He’s a man who gives himself permission to be this prejudiced about women. It’s not minor, and of course he is not alone. God help us all.

@gillybeanz

If you can’t afford to pay your employees mat / pat leave then you can’t afford to have employees. Your business is not viable if you can’t afford to obey the law.

gillybeanz if you can't afford to run a business within the law, the business is not viable.

He's a f@*king arsehole. And also a VERY bad businessperson. Businesses with women in senior positions do better.

You might want to have a look at how all his other beliefs about women flow out onto how he treats you.

Because it wouldnt actually be about someone taking a limited amount of time off for maternity leave - it would be about a whole host of misognyistic crap views about women.

Ugh. I despair. Vile.