I think DH is upholding the glass ceiling (not DIY). WIBU?

[Pa1oma]

DH has a company which employs maybe a thousand people, of which probably about 40% are women. It’s not a traditionally male industry like construction, however, in 15 years, there has never been a female director. Whenever I’ve asked him why this is, he says he would like this to change but no women seem to apply.

Then last night I heard him in the phone to someone discussing restructuring the board of directors and his words were, “She’d be worth consideration, but she’ll probably have a baby or something soon” . When he got off the phone, I told him what I’d heard and asked him if he knew for a fact that this woman was pregnant. He said, “Well I wouldn’t know but she’s in her late 30s and I think she’s been discussing it”.

His argument is he’s not going to risk over £100k on someone if he’s not sure they’re going to see “the next phase” through. My argument is, he is not in a position to presume anything about anyone. WIBU?

Worriedmum in 20 years of experience in companies employing thousands I’ve only ever known 2 instances of consequtive maternity leave (and for only 2 babies) what you describe is so rare, why would you tarnish all women with that brush?

I wouldn’t worry about Gillys company. It won’t be able to afford employing anyone. Trying to will inevitably send them bust

It doesn't surprise me, I think these attitudes are more widespread than many realise, even if not typically spoken out loud.

When i was job hunting in my mid 30s I had no problem getting contract roles (no maternity pay due then) but difficulty securing any permanent positions. I'm almost certain my age and sex had a lot to do with this.

It doesn’t really queen. If he’s paying £100k oncosted the actual salary is £70-80k ish which is extremely low anywhere for a board director

I am quite shocked to be honest because to meet him you wouldn’t think he would come out with something like this. We have three DC of which two are girls. One of them is very science-focused and he always talks about her becoming an astronaut, etc. I’ve been a SAHM since the first DC do I hope I don’t inform his views! When they sold another company there were no female directors there either, even though at least half of the staff were women, but it’s quite eye-opening when you actually hear it from the horse’s mouth.

Well it’s bit surprising. Most men are like this

Not surprising

Next dinner time you should say to dd that she should look at companies before joining them, If they have no senior women don’t touch them with a barge pole. It clearly shows they don’t value women. If it were my dh he’d have cooked that dinner and he’d be doing a lot around the house suddenly as he’s just told me what he thinks of women. I would love him less and tell him that I thought he was a misogynist tosser if he couldn’t appoint a woman director in the next 12 months.

A man my husband worked with tried to prevent the appointment of a woman to a leadership role. When he was asked why he was against it, he came up with all sort of nonsense about how she wouldn't be taken seriously, etc etc (he didn't say anything about babies, he at least has a bit more sense than that). Bear in mind that the woman was extremely qualified for the role and there was literally no one else who could do it - he was prepared to actually hold the company back in order to avoid hiring a woman. When he was questioned on it it got to the point where he would have had to admit it was purely because she was a woman and then he backed down. He is a total arsehole.

I told him it flies in the face of everything he claims to be - ie inclusive eg.

“Feminist” man turns out to not actually be a feminist. Colour me shocked.

LTB (only semi-kidding)...

I don’t know the exact salaries tbh. A few are on over £200 k I think, but they’ve been there some years.

Sounds like your company will be really shit gillybeanz , inexperienced people on temporary contracts under the direction of idiots who don't know page 1 of employment law.

After you have the dinner time conversation ( or anytime dh is there) you need to have it out with him. Honestly when you look at your daughters you must see how they won’t necessarily be recognised for their talents because of their dad and men like him.

These kind of practices are why when I was last interviewing I didn't mention my kids at all. If an interviewer then brought it up (no matter how casually) I knew that I didn't want to work there.

And when interviewing people for roles, I was very careful not to ask. Which did make it tricky, because sometimes I was interviewing for roles which would have to relocate. Our tack was to let HR do that bit, and then I would offer to answer any questions they had about the place as I lived there. And I was always very clear that this was for their information, not mine.

@Gorgon

You just said what I’d been thinking but dared not say!

I would never mention my children in interviews in a bajillion years.

I would give him the "What if one of your daughters..." talk. It's shitty that some men can only see women as whole human beings once compared to a female human they love, but it is often the case.

And has he really heard her talking about wanting to have children? I think he made it up. This woman moved countries for her career and if she is even in a position to be considered as a director I doubt she's daft enough to be chatting away about how she wants to start a family. Maybe he just doesn't like her and is making shit up to block her?

OP Being a sahm you’re reinforcing patriarchy. He works.you don’t.traditional set up
You’re reinforcing that whole man works,women at home social model
No I’m not surprised a man like that has a sah wife. He has not vested interest in women working

You must be quite shocked by this OP.

It is obviously easy for your DH to hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time. He probably thinks that he is terribly enlightened when encouraging your daughters to dream big, whilst blinding himself to the idea that they may well be (unknowingly) blocked in their careers by someone just like him!

This is such a blatant double standard. The potential board-member woman, if she was lucky, may also had a dad who encouraged her, applauded her achievements and told her she could do anything she wanted. Shame he was so wrong.

It makes me sad to think how many of us, how many times, have been knocked back or not hired (never knowing the real reason) by someone who casually dismisses our talents and experience, based wholly on same old stale, boring, outrageous, fucking prejudice.

The fact that your DH is one of these is pretty horrific.

It's funny isn't it QueenPeeBeePee that women's perfectly legal behaviour is considered such a PITA that women aren't hired, when men's PITA behaviour - collapsing companies like Carillion, hiding funds, harassing women etc etc - don't really affect how men are seen?
Why is that do you think?

This TIMES ONE THOUSAND.

A lot of men seem to completely fuck up being Directors of companies either deliberately for fraudulent purposes of because they are just so incompetent. Maybe suggest to your husband about whether he wants men to be taking forward that next phase?

What a delightful attitude @gillybeanz. I doubt you'll make it past the first year!

This would be a very serious issue for me OP. And to think that this misogynistic arse is raising daughters too.

Does he think that the family money is actually his money? I would bet that.

I weep for his daughters. Although I imagine he quite possibly has different standards for what belongs to him than for other women.

Just foul.

OP, I work in a male dominated sector, and it has been a brutal and cruel discriminating journey. I am absolutely positive that this attitude is held by many Company Directors, who hold these double standards when promotion of female candidates to board level. Even in 2018 the old boys club still runs and functions, which is frankly disgusting.

The best piece of advice I was ever given was this "you haven't got to be as good as the men in your career, you have to be better, and even then you make one mistake and they will slaughter you" Sadly this is true, so now I wear a coat of armor to work, and go into battle!

This is what almost all rich, successful men with stay-at-home wives are like. Some perhaps hide it better than others, though.