I think DH is upholding the glass ceiling (not DIY). WIBU?

[Pa1oma]

DH has a company which employs maybe a thousand people, of which probably about 40% are women. It’s not a traditionally male industry like construction, however, in 15 years, there has never been a female director. Whenever I’ve asked him why this is, he says he would like this to change but no women seem to apply.

Then last night I heard him in the phone to someone discussing restructuring the board of directors and his words were, “She’d be worth consideration, but she’ll probably have a baby or something soon” . When he got off the phone, I told him what I’d heard and asked him if he knew for a fact that this woman was pregnant. He said, “Well I wouldn’t know but she’s in her late 30s and I think she’s been discussing it”.

His argument is he’s not going to risk over £100k on someone if he’s not sure they’re going to see “the next phase” through. My argument is, he is not in a position to presume anything about anyone. WIBU?

wrenika you sound a bit daft, my love.

IME as a senior (old!) person in a traditionally male dominated industry a lot of guys feel like this And a lot of them do have SAH wives
I couldn’t be with someone like that

I agree with the PP who said even if a woman is not of child bearing age a lot of men will find another excuse why she's not up to the job. It's so depressing.

I have worked in many places full of women but with none at the most senior levels. I've also come across senior childless women with much the same misogynistic attitudes towards younger women though.

There are people on this thread who honestly want us to return to the 1950s when it was fine for women to work until they got married at which case they swiftly exited the workforce in case they ever had the audacity to fall pregnant, leaving the proper work to the nice sensible men who could be relied on to never have children, that being something women are themselves solely responsible for of course.

can everyone please stop talking such complete bollocks

It doesn't look good for men when Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, etc etc etc have all turned out to be sexual predators. Except for some reason it doesn't seem to affect men at all.

Men being criminals doesn't affect men in general. Women producing the next generation with their own bodies is however seen as PITA disruptive thing and affects all women, preventing them from getting jobs.

That's the world we live in. Fantastic.

Ha, we just need the chap from the other thread (6 yo) to pop and say the OP is imagining it and to get back to the kitchen!

Yes men with these odious sexist views also have housewife at home.
At work, and at home they enact their sexism.and don’t support working women

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb

"Sorry you married a cunt op. for you."

🤣

🤔 Sorry I don't have anything constructive to add that hasn't been said by others already.

I’m surprised that you’re surprised. As a FT working woman trying to battle may way up the ladder, I’ve encountered a few highly paid men with SAHM who don’t respect women in the workplace. One was genuinely taken aback when after being questioned on my domestic setup, I said that I didn’t iron my DH’s shirts.

My old Director also used to get very pissed off with people (predominantly women) leaving dead on leaving time because they had to do school pick ups. He conveniently forgot that the only reason he could show ‘proper commitment’ was because his wife stayed at home and did all the drop offs and picks ups.

They forget how much they are facilitated in their ascent by their wives at home (and I’ve also heard some of them being disrespectful about their SAHW like they’re a burden) and then make it harder for the women at work to progress who often don’t have the support they do. It’s infuriating but I believe it’s my duty to work twice as hard as these fucks so I can get to a level where I can hopefully make it easier for other females coming behind me like my DD.

It's funny isn't it QueenPeeBeePee that women's perfectly legal behaviour is considered such a PITA that women aren't hired, when men's PITA behaviour - collapsing companies like Carillion, hiding funds, harassing women etc etc - don't really affect how men are seen?
Why is that do you think?

Hey, don't shoot the messenger!! I can tell you why people/businesses won't hire women of child rearing age - doesn't mean I agree with it!!

Completely agree unfinishedkitchen.these men have a no working partner to support their ascent. They don’t support their own partner working so of course they don’t support or value working women. These men enact their privilege and have a woman picking up all childcare etc. Then appear befuddled that working parents have childcare commitments. I’m surprised the op as a sahm had no clue her dp possessed these views, given she’s at home not working.Both enacting patriarchy and him benefitting from unencumbered career progression

DH works in consulting. The top 5 firms are constantly striving but still failing to retain women post maternity despite a clear policy of positive discrimination towards females and ethnic minorities. The drop out time is always post maternity sadly.

Completely agree unfinishedkitchen.these men have a non working partner to support their ascent.

I started of being a SAHM because I wanted to and it seemed like the obvious practical thing to do. Then the years fly by. He is very facilitated yes, but I can’t say I regret being a SAHM either. Strangely, I don’t think we ever had a discussion about me returning to work at any point. Life just gets busy, I guess.

The other thing is that so much “ business” seems to get done at golf or car racing or other so-called “male” activities and that says it all as well.

Friend of mine was headhunted while pregnant. The new company paid her in full during her maternity leave.

She’s brilliant at her job (in a male dominated industry).

Did you ever discuss shared childcare? you both working?
These guys are always skilled at manoeuvring partners into giving up work
Make it seamless and easy. And I expect being prosperous cushions it
By not working you are reinforcing his views that women gravitate to family
That’s the model he lives by,not surprising he holds those views

I think you need to keep pushing it with him, what if some one was to discriminate against your daughter how would he feel.
He may need a push to realize what he has said and the implications.

@tinkobell I’m in consulting. They do have great policies but when it comes down to it they don’t facilitate flexible or part time working as a career option. It’s marking time only. I tried 3 days a week for 6 months and couldn’t get onto a single client project in that time. I’m consistently good at my job and promotion track , always on and leading client projects with great results. Except when part time. These consulting jobs are not worth marking time at, I can go to a client and work part time with career potential, and will look at this next year when I come back from mat leave. Before going on mat leave I put a part time manager onto my project - all it takes is senior staff to want to make it work. Make a plan, sell it to the client and deliver. I don’t see that happen often enough.

It’s a family business, I expect he can bring them in, being the owner will solve potential employent issues
If daughters go into the same field,family business theyre likely to experience advantage as opposed to discrimination

I’m a female business owner (on leave before you ask!) and his misogynistic views are not uncommon. Pity he’s your husband. I’d dump DH for these views for the sake of my daughter if nothing else.

Our friends have just had a baby. Both successful intelligent people. He's about to take shared parental leave until next year. She is a director. When I was in the final month of maternity, I went for a significant promotion at work, thinking they wouldn't have me as A) hadn't done the role before and B) they knew I was coming back on less hours. I got the job. Not all big companies are so disgusting. On the other hand, I do have colleagues who have said to me about their SAHWs and how they couldn't possibly work as their child is so young (knowing I have a younger child and work). We seem to be at a funny time where a lot of people are thankfully so much more enlightened but others, often within the same companies, are dinosaurs.

The whole women can have it all is bollocks and is more women can do it all to make men's lives easier I feel. Sorry, off my soap box now.

I would give him the "What if one of your daughters..." talk.

He will just presume his daughter will be different. I would take the suggestion a pp made and have a conversation with your daughters at the dinner table in front of him. Explain to them that when they are choosing a job, they should look very carefully at what the senior team looks like because it will tell you a lot about what kind of prerson is valued. "For example daddy's firm has no senior women so if I were starting out, I wouldn't accept a job offer from him if I got an offer from a more inclusive firm because I would know he wouldn't value and reward my contributions properly."

See what he makes of that.

Poor woman who relocated to NYC - doing all the things they tell us lead to success and it turns out her ovaries are all that matter.

on mn everyone dp is reported to be top of his game.never just ok or getting by
I think the partners/wives of these men have no idea what they’re like at work to working women
How the fact that the men have a sahp enables and reinforces their casual and everyday sexism

That's a real shame @timeisnotaline. From what DH tells me, much depends also on the corporate culture of the client and getting that match right. Some clients have many female job shares, so that's a great opportunity whilst others don't and are not wanting to pay a high daily rate for it either! I know the reality of job share is the woman does much more than her 2.5 days!
On the other side however, there are some mums who take maternity for DC1, return for min, have DC2, return for min, have DC3 and then quit....so a long period of pay and min chargeability over the period.

would give him the "What if one of your daughters..." talk
Hes the boss he’ll ensure the dd progression either in family business or he’ll use his v good contacts to aid their progression